it's easier to stand still then to run.

it's easier to stand still then to run.
************
tonight...

we went on an adventure around the island

me, birdie, johnE & holly (our guest/yogini/badass girl who i LOVE)

we had been drinking malibu rum poured in coconuts straight off the palm trees (I called it a cocobu).
with tunes flowing and a gentle breeze blowing through the Uma (driftwood castle) - we sat at the same table we had eaten dinner at talking...laughing... dancing around... relishing in life... for hours upon hours and cocobus upon cocobus...
until someone realized the moon was magnificent and there was not one cloud across the blanket of stars spread above us.

i have this starmaps app on my i-thing which is insanely cool too... we were pointing out constellations and drunkenly staggering wandering around...
we just had to go walk around the island...

a little jalan jalan

Since i've been here, i haven't gone on a late night island walk with JohnE (the king of this driftwood kingdom)...
But tonight we wandered down his beach, getting a tour through the dark of these plants, trees, pieces of driftwood and flowers i walk past every day without notice.
He sees art in everything and its unbelievably inspiring what comes out of his brain.

we followed the "Southern Cross - Crux" constellation to the far end of the island where it drops off and gets super deep in the channel between our island the neighboring island... i call this area "the drop off'...
Birdie suggested we should all swim as the water was like a pool... perfectly still. not even a ripple underneath this sky that held not even a cloud.

I declined on the swim idea.
tonight, I was super clean. (a rarity it seems these days)
my skin was showered and soft 
my hair was conditioned and I had a seriously beautiful white flower behind my ear
my clothes were freshly washed - they hung to dry on a clothes line tied between palm trees in the sun with the rest of my laundry the day before...
I had fresh mosquito cream on too.

I happily said no about five times.
I was cool cuz I was just so comfy in that moment (and i really didn't want to shower again before i fell asleep)

I dunno.
It just didn't feel appropriate or necessary.

I felt happy and soft and really was ok with not getting wet tonight... what was the point?

I turned around, totally content and started drawing in the sand under the moonlight with a piece of coral.

I decided i am going to contruct a driftwood art piece barstool for the restaurant in the JohnE Ocean style and inspiration... so i was all submerged in thought about that...

I was mid drawing, loving life, dry and happy... warm, drunk, and in the creative flow when birdie walked up behind me and asked where my i-thing was.
without even flipping my head around i started to answer him snappily
"DUDE... you just came with me to my zen zone less then an hour ago to put it away..."
I was half way through saying it when I was in the air being carried and thrown in to the pool-like crystal clear silky water at the drop off --- fully clothed.

I was pissed for about 30 seconds.
.
.
.
and then I saw why he wanted me to come so bad. 

STRAIGHT.
UP.
MAGIC.

phosphorescent blue green lights (the bioluminescent phytoplankton) lit up like fairy dust when I wiggled my fingers and toes...
then I started sweeping my arms and legs through the water.

holy h. it was intense.

the water was so still and so clear we could see directly down 60 freaking feet.
the sand and coral at the bottom totally visible because the moonlight melting down from the sky above us illuminated everything.

for a moment i though to myself - whoa...
this is what being in outerspace must feel like.
EVERYONE needs to experience this!

and suddenly I realized

that is what many people feel like.

...they don't want to get wet.



it's easier.

many of my friends stood beside me as i created the fantasy of this life which is now my reality.

and my enthusiasm is contagious... this i know.

i'm well aware that as soon as i left, plans to join me and actualize the gypsy love tribe mission, began to dwindle.
my beautiful, brilliant friends in their beautiful, brilliant lives...
they're happy, warm and dry in life.
life.
whewsh.
this thing that often times unbeknownst to us, quietly becomes stagnant as the barnacles creep in and build up... until we wake up in a world that is no longer serving us. and we find that we have become an unconscious slave to it.
and we are trapped beneath barnacles

my marriage was beautiful & easy... and i was convinced i was cool. happy and content.
until my eyes blinked open to see complacency, stagnation and boredom.

So, I really do get it.

and part of me wants to be like Birdie tonight, and grab my friends and throw them in to this reality with me... 
Drag them out of their fear and help scrape their barnacles off before we dive in to explore this world of freedom and bliss euphoria.

and part of me honors their dryness.

but i won't be dry again for a while .
my hair is wet now and tomorrow I'll wake up and go in the ocean at first light then I'll sweat in yoga and after i shower, i'll pretty much rock wet hair all day..
and then go swim again tomorrow night maybe.

and every day i will continue to get wet.

and I'll try to splash my friends in dreams and moments of connection from time to time but I'm not getting out to come get them and my computer will get wet if I try to bring it with me into the water so i can email them

it breaks my heart to think i won't see many people i love and had fantasized life with for such a long time, while i swim around the earth love ninja style...

but I'll be fine.
and everything will unfold in divine timing.

everyone is walking (or standing still) on their own path.
everyone has things to play out.
and i trust that we'll find each other at some point along with way.

I've just realized in a big profound way...
that
i will not sit on the edge of the water just dangling my feet in, waiting on bated breath for anyone to come join me and take my hand as we leap in together cuz I'll wait forever.

I'm not pulling and I'm not pushing... and i'm not lifting and throwing....

I'm surrendering everything.

personally, i am diving in... because i cannot wait