the first Yama in the first Sutra of The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali is
"ahimsa" - non-violence
the first commandment in the Holy Bible is "though shalt not kill"
the Dalai Lama says very simply that they key to life is to attain happiness but teaching compassion and non-violence to others.
and yet, here I sit on this rainy day... my lightweigt van halen burnout hoodie from Venice beach pulled over my head, sitting on the restaurant's driftwood table with my barefeet on the bench (which is the side of the open side wall of the uma) looking out at the heavy grey morning and seemingly silver sea and I'm playing the guitar joshie gave me, singing sublime & Gwen stefani's "I saw red"
... one more secret lover that I shot dead.
in the background I can hear birdie's computer playing Braveheart... as he lies sprawled on the couch (clearly unimpressed enough with the weather that he started movie day at 6:30am)
a collection of indo workers are crouched around him in a semi circle clearly trying to follow the dialogue but really only watching the images...
I put my guitar down for a minute and thought about those images... one of the goriest movies of all time.. and without a story line what that must be like to watch...
why do we participate is violence?
and why do we even chose to bring gruesome visuals and thoughts into our heads in a place like this?
we are living on an island paradise where there is very little to fear... no call for violence (except maybe a little aggression that it takes to machete a coconut open)...
and something in us (mostly in guys- which i definitely attribute to testosterone) crave that drunken moshpit punk rock energy.
i just don't really get it.
but it must be part of human nature?
------------
two days later.
that morning was gloomy, which we took as a PERFECT opportunity for some sweaty vinyasa flow.
As i taught with eyes closed (as i usually do)... i started talking about compassion and non-violence... and how we have to start by practicing non-violence to ourSELVES.
we can push ourselves over a hump - but not by forcing... by positive thinking and encouragement...
i think i can
i think i can
fear does not serve us...
just as those negative thoughts that play on a broken record in our heads...
it's time to turn them off.
turn of the violence.
turn off the self-deprecation.
turn off the negativity.
and choose to stand in light.
Slowly, the sunshine broke through and we decided we would make an adventure out of our day, which was the second to last day for Holly. (our guest/my new friend)...
So, Birdie, Holly, Gina (the other yogini goddess guest that we love), Me and Linda (our indo chef and my partner in crazy)... got into the mama-bear boat driven by Jonas and headed to the village for a little sociocultural adventure.I personally love the village. I think its super interesting. I get almost overwhelmed by the vibe there... the simplicity and silent noise. it lacks "white noise" completely... that static buzzing, background that i have lived in front of my entire life.
the background noise in the village is bugs clicking and snapping in the jungle, and children playing in the ocean, and conversations being had from the cool cement floor of the dark homes lined up along the path/road that runs down the middle of the village... chickens and monkeys hang around as palm frawns are sewn together to make roofs.
My friend was standing near the church with a table full of drying sea slugs. (apparently a man from jakarta comes and buys them to sell as a delicacy back in jakarta). they look like poo to me.he speaks to me slowly and in bahasa indonesia. (versus mentawai... which is totally different and i can only understand two words)...
We walked a little further and made our way to Pak Mantan's house. He used to be the chief of the village for many years and only recently has been replaced by a younger guy that people aren't that fond of apparently. Everyone still goes to Pak Mantan for advice and guidance. Mantan works on the island now with John E. helping to build the bungalows.
He reminds me of my Grandpere for many reasons.
First of all... he has that grandfather energy... you just feel it. (he does have about 300 grandkids i think... so its kind of a no brainer that he would have that energy). He walked up the other day as i was squatting next to a palm tree yeilding a machete, ready to hack away at a coconut to open and drink it. He just took the machete right out of my hands and gave me this look like... NO. this is why i am here. i can do this for you. stop trying to prove yourself, jenny. yes... all the workers call me jenny.
i think one of them couldn't say the "z" and it sounded like jenny and we all just went with it and ignored it and now everyone calls me jenny.
i think its kind of awesome.
and ironic, since just before i left to come out here i did my EMT training at UCLA and the medics that were my skills instructors all decided that i was Jenny from Forrest Gump... yes. i heard "Run, Forest, Run." my fair share of times in that month. its cool.
haha.
anyways - i made like a bird and flew far, far, far away and ended up this day in the little village of Pokorajet on the island of Sipura
at Pak Mantan's house having a coffee with the village women and their ten thousand kids....
i met two of Sue's sisters. Sue is Cahn's wife... who i had the pleasure of being at their wedding when i first arrived.
Sue apparently had 14 siblings.
They are all so sweet and loving... although we can barely communicate.
We communicate with emotions and eye contact.
After about an hour, we all piled back on the boat and headed south to the beach break...
This beautiful uninhabited part of Sipura Island, that i came to last year with Brent and Erin is MUCH less intimidating to surf on then the reef... which scares me quite a lot.
i try to distinguish all the time - is my fear of the reef and giant waves founded... or is it a barrier... something i need to encourage myself past...
OR
is it there to protect me?
would it be showing less compassion to myself to just go against my gut and throw myself onto the reef?
or to honor the fear i feel?
either way -- we were at the beach, which is totally do-able and beautiful and we built this killer shade structure out of palm frawns... we called it "the rugged room" since we felt extremely rugged marching into the jungle and getting frawns and dragging them back to the beach to construct this structure...
pretty much only the cooler (which i found out is called an "eskie" in australia) was covered by the shade structure... so we ended up sitting in the sun, surfing the mellow reef-free waves, trading a cold beer for 5 coconuts from a jungle man who happened to see us on the beach- burying jonas and linda in sand...
our motto for the rugged room was
"Skin cancer might kill you later, but warm Bintang sucks now."
We thought it was hilarious.
all in all - a VERY successful adventure day...
So, as the sun started yawning we paddled back out to the boat and made our way back to Togat Nusa, just in time for a sing-a-long on the beach at sunset with gin and tonics and a guitar... watching the finger-painted sky change colors...
As the night ensued... we drank more... and more... and more...
and before we knew it we were wasted and it was 3am.
time for a jalan jalan... (a walk around the island)
it's all a bit hazy, but i know that at some point someone had the brilliant idea to swim across the channel to the other island.
This is NOT advised at super low tide, i have come to find.
the water was about 6 inches deep on top of the reef and i swam straight into a giant sea urchin that stabbed its foot long spines into my knee and another one got my hand.
(i think this might be the part where the universe is telling me that my fears of the reef might be founded.)
I somehow made it back to my bed and woke up to Birdie flashing a light in my eyes saying "Zani! Wake up! Yona is about to do some voo-doo witch doctor shit on your knee."
She made a needle out of hair and worked, i think, until the sun came up.
All i know is that waking up in the morning i was in agony... there were many bodies and bugs and an entire beach of sand in my bed, and a hangover that would probably kill a small model.
I pretty much immediately sat down on the computer and bought myself travel insurance. i have been forgetting to do this since before i left... and last night birdie looked at my leg and said "well shit zan... you've been in the islands for almost 2 months and you haven't had a bad infection or life-threatening illness yet... you're due for SOMEthing.
hence - insurance. thank you travel nomads.
Guests from another island resort arrived to have lunch with us at togat nusa, and next thing i knew, i was being asked to give massage to one of the other resort's guest.
Holding my head in my hands and hobbling over to the bungalow, i used all the strength i could muster to set up the massage table and began the massage.
i started talking to the Australian guy who i was working on and our conversation quickly turned to spirituality and comparative theology (as most conversations with me do in about 5 minutes)...
and we started talking about Pratipaksha Bhavanam.... essentially turning lemons to lemonade...
i thought back to the previous 24 hrs and how many times i was able to draw these situations and take such a positive spin from each of them.
instead of getting agro and violent, i could make a conscious choice to laugh and see the poetry & irony in the situation and realize that
its all in our perception...
everything.
we have no say in deciding what will happen...
the only thing we ever get to choose is our reaction...
so i laugh and OM...
and wherever i may be...
i find that i am hOMe when i'm with me...
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