Wednesday, March 16, 2011

wrap yourself in blue...


I just came up from the beach and sat down in the driftwood castleto write this blog and looked at the time only to see (of course) that it is 11:11am.

I pointed it out the time to my Australian roommate/islandmate Birdie... who told me that "rememberance day" in Australia is at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.)

I'm not surprised at the synchronicity of that....

Less then 20 minutes ago, i JUST read in my book 'The Twelfth Insight' by James Redfield

"the hardest part is remembering to remember."

(he was talking about staying in the synchronistic flow)... and how true this is.

I have been accused of being some kind of guru teacher.... and i have been accused of being a hypocrite.
(I'm not embarrassed to disclose either of those somewhat embarrassing facts.)

When I am in the flow... things flow out from me in a bizarre way. It's like I am not even speaking or thinking or writing...
A channel opens up in me and words just spill out from somewhere divine in a perfect way.

And when the channel is closed, i can't seem to remember to remember how to get back there and the zanimal in me just seems to spiral out in the other direction... like spilling out away from the container in a messy way.

After a brilliant yoga practice, i say to myself... "ZANI... you LOVE this. you NEED this. don't forget to practice long and hard every day." .... and invariably i forget.

Before my friend Brittany Berman moved to London, I gave her a copy of 'The Celestine Prophecy' by James Redfield.
('The Twelfth Insight' is one of the sequels.)... I told her how being aware and open had made my experience in Europe so incredible. Time slows down when you are present and in the flow. You want for nothing...
You just flow and receive.
It is magic.

It feels like we are non-stop 'in the flow' here on the island...

maybe it's because we are ON an island... the tides flow in a circle around us, encouraging us... challenging us to fall into the same motion... circular, encapsulating synchronicity and surrender.

"the tides are in our veins."

i was making my way up the beach a moment ago, the waves gently ebbing and flowing past my feet as i walked upon the white sand, corral and shells... the silky turquoise water wrapping around my ankles.

It reminded me of the first song i wrote... (well... the first song at least since the days of 'the heart sisters' - Laraaaa, Xaniiiii.... Tiaaaaaa.... We're. The. Heart. Siiiiissterrrrrrs... ya we were big time when i was 8. "yes mommy. yes daddy." was a HIT.)

No, this song i wrote on bay street about a year and a half ago.
It was called "a lullaby to my shadow" and it came out of me when Jamie left.
I found myself alone in our... my apartment.
I would hear muffled screams in my head. I thought i was going schizophrenic.
maybe i was, a little.

but i wrote this song... or maybe this song wrote me.
...either way, i sang these words to myself:

"don't be afraid... don't fear the dark and run away....
those muffled cries... you hear... at night...
it is a song... it is the shadow of your soul...
so hear the truth.... the wind... her voice...
and listen well... listen well...
wrap yourself in blue.
be still my child.
the dawn will come.
know that you ARE the sun.
know that you ARE the moon.
be still my child.
the dawn will come.
wrap yourself in blue."

17 months later... and i am walking up a beach looking down at my feet as i leisurely stroll, humming to myself.

the sun is slightly on my back, but mostly just directly overhead, which means that lunch will be ready soon.

i am ankle deep, wrapped in 300 shades of blue satin... though it is crystal clear.

a have a tattoo on my ankle that says the word "kaivalya" in sanksrit...
this word means 'freedom through isolation'...

the tassels on the edge of the sarong wrapped around my waist, blow in the breeze coming off the waves as i walk.

my skin feels browned... baked in the tropical sun.

my book is under one arm and my nalgene bottle filled with electrolytes and water is in my other hand.

my once green, now multi-colored multi-colored nalgene has been with me since my yoga teacher training with annie carpenter in 2007.

It came with me to playa in 2009 and carries various worn stickers.

several burning man stickers...
a newhippie sticker...
a pan america sticker...
and a sticker that says simply "BE HERE NOW"

And here i am.

17 months after i wrote the words "WRAP YOURSELF IN BLUE"

and i am on an island that is literally wrapped inside the bluest part of the indian ocean.
i am still.
i am present.

i am here now.

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