pysCYCLES

the weeping willow was my favorite tree when i was a child.
it still is, i think.

i live on an island with a million different kinds of trees. there are over 500 coconut trees growing on this divine piece of land floating around in the middle of the turquoise indian ocean just a few degrees south of the equator...

there are no weeping willows here, but i remember what the shadows feels like as they dance above you when you stand beneath one of these gracious trees that pour themselves out and onto the ground at your feet.

i remember what i feels like to stand beneath a weeping willow, but somehow i seem to have forgotten what it feels like to weep.

i used to cry all the time, but i can't anymore.

i can tear up with frustration and i can form a lump in my throat when my heart starts to ache for something that once was...

but weeping is beyond me these days.

"there must be something sacred in salt, for it is in our tears and it is in the sea."

gibran says that.

i love this man.

sometimes i feel like i can find a kahlil gibran quote in my mental card catalouge of KGisms for every circumstance... every profound lesson that i find in... ohhh... everything.


my spirit sister liz sent me this photo of a page in a book she opened to the other day.... <3 her.
most of my friends laugh at the way i read into stuff. but it's not like i read into what people say... i read into what the universe paints as reality to us.
there are just so many freaking lessons everywhere.
and i truly believe that when we wake up to the synchronectar around us we get this sweet sugary treat... this nectar that lives inside everything. just beneath the surface skin that we have to see past and through.

i repeat this ALL the time... if you know me, you've heard me say it...

but i asked my teacher in LA one time
"okay... so i am starting to learn how to do this whole deep mediation thing... this connecting with unity consciousness... and i get that we can tap into that oneness when we meditate... but of course once we realize we're there... we aren't there any more. right? okay... so these gurus in the himalayas... and you, my teacher... if you know how to get there and sustain it for a long time... WHY come back? i mean... why are we here in duality consciousness?"

she said something i will never forget.
she said

"because only in this body can we TASTE THE PEACH... can we hold our lover... and feel to the height of joy and to the depths of pain."

KG says

"do not the spirits who dwell in the ether envy man in his pain?"

whesh... right?

i think maybe there is an element of boredom in oneness... its "one note" to be punny.

so... i mean... we GET to cry. it's our gift to weep like the willow... pour ourselves out and feel that clenching aching.
(it clenches and aches right?)
we are gifted with this gift to feel...
and to cry.

and yet, right now, i am in a place in my life where i kind of, can't cry.
maybe it's because i am in such a beautiful state of gratitude i feel like i can't possibly cry.

or maybe its being bottled up somewhere deep inside of me for some big huge cathartic melt down that is yet to come...

or maybe i spend so much time in the sea... it is filling my salt emotion quota.

i'm a mermaid, ya know... this is pretty much a fact to me at this point.


that cyclical emotion in the waves... in the tides that are in our veins and come towards us land dwellers to be exploded in the release of a wave crashing on a reef...
well, maybe when we are in the ocean and that spirit pushing by us and we bob up and over... through it...
we are infused with the spirit.

pyscycles?

psyche cycles...

maybe that's why surfers are so happy?
(i mean... don't get me wrong... they piss me off too and can be totally stupid and selfish and obnoxious HA. but seriously... for the most part, i love surfers and their peaceful spirits and tempered psyches.)

anyways - today i saw this picture that my little sister posted on facebook.
it was a photo of a box of treasures the family she nannied for the last few years made for her as a parting gift as she charges forward in her career with green corps.
ya... i know. she's my idol.

anyways - i saw that and then i saw a few status updates down from there, that my bestie/old roommate, joshie has finally moved out of our old house in venice "the OM hOMe" forging forward into the world of needy love starved hOMies that don't know they are hOMies yet and about to get a LOVE tatoo inked on their wrist very soon... and also today, my buddy Birdie finally flew the coop and fluttered off onto his world adventure... Padang to Paris (what a change of pace and scenery, huh?)
i was just overwhelmed with this realization and the eclipse energy charged, radical changes ensuing around me... and how change is so beautiful and inevitable and amazing all at once.
and i cried.
just for a second... but i cried.
it was tears of awe for how much sense everything makes in its senslessness....

it still wasn't weeping... full cathartic bawling or sobbing or anything... just tender tears.

maybe i have just grown up.

i have finally figured out this whole hermit crab mentality...
carrying my life on my back...
swapping homes for a new one when i outgrow the old one...
knowing how to take care of myself and protect myself... and crawl inside when i need to.
and just keep on coming out of the shell...
over and over again...
to charge it...
to forge new tracks in the sand.
who knows?

anyways, ironically to that, (or not at all)... i made this video for free the slaves today. my friend tawney works for the amazing non-profit and they were asking people to take pictures using the word free.

it was actually johnny's idea to do what we did. (of course... he is a genius)

his goddaughter kalindi and her three kickass friends from hawaii are visiting right now.
they are SUCH goddesses. SO rad. amazing surfers. beautiful, funny, hawaiian chicks that i plan to stay friends with forever.
all five of us slept in their tent last night, totally wasted after a crazy night of partying, laughing, mixing multiple liquors, laughing, dressing up in chicken costumes, laughing, dancing on the bar, laughing, drunk dialing america a hundred million times, laughing and stumbling through the dark of the new moon, radical eclipse night and to the girls tent.

this morning as we were all lounging around in the driftwood castle, nursing our headaches and sweating out the smorgesborg of booze from our pores... i told them i wanted to write the word "free" on my back in sharpie and wade into the water and have one of them snap a shot... instead, we made this video (WAY better).

lessons... see?

constantly showing me stuff.
the symbolism in everything is crazy.

we basically made these crabs our prisoners... we kind of enslaved them for a minute asking them to stay put - and then finally spelling a word with them and letting them do what they wanted...
these little crawling microcosms of humanistic qualities being released from slavery.
it was beautiful... and very funny too.





...although slavery is not funny... and totally real. yes, guys. even today.

i still think we need to be able to laugh at everything always.

Colin Dieden, my brotha-from-aontha-motha sings
"If you laugh at all the things that make you sad... you won't be sad anymore..."



i still kinda feel like i want to have a good cry one of these days though.

in the meantime friends....

laugh a lot today... and ride the wave - the constant psycycles of change and new beginnings... and marvel in the awesomeness of everything.

we're free.
and we GET to be here again today.
how cool is that?