"you are not being chased"

Did a sunset ever show you heaven's light?

I started a poem with that line one time.

I remember it vividly.

It was 2 years ago. My friend Devin had just died and I had gone up north to my parents house which was then in San Francisco for some green couch therapy. (you sink into their butter soft green couches and somehow everything is better).

Anyways, I was on my way back to LA, driving alone with the top down on my convertible (as always)... And came to the foot of the grapevine on I-5 just as the sun was setting- I pulled over at a rest stop and wrote a poem that started with that line 
"did a sunset ever show you heaven's light?"

This evening, 2 years later, our Ladahki driver winds back down the Himalayan road that took us on an all day journey to Pangong Lake- a 160km long lake that sits 25% in India and 75% in Tibet.
We only spent an hour tops at the lake, sipped some tea and then retraced our treacherous path- but as we reached Karu for the second time in the day, the sunset showed me heaven's light...

But I mean, seriously.

The sun dropped behind the craggy Himalayan skyline and illuminated the entire sky- creating a vibrant visible halo around the lower lying clouds- but the light of this sunset was only one color
And I don't quite know how to explain it.
The closest I came come to describing the color of the light is "white" but it was truly divine iridescent, opalescent, blindingly divine white light that cascaded out of this sunset from behind the white mountaintops.

This is the crown chakra of India- maybe of the world.

The white stupas (little monuments built as punishment, or a memorial or for fortune) look like crowns upon the earth here.

... The clear god-consciousness in the eyes of each person, this sunset showing heaven's light, and the poplar-like trees that reach straight up towards the sky all but solidify this idea to me.

This is the crown chakra.

But... Let me back up to how I came to this sunset out in no man's land...

Leh, Ladakh a few days ago...

JohnE and I finished our brunch at the Gesmo Cafe- cups of coffee, masala omlettes, and a peanut cookie from the German bakery.

A table nearby had 4 or 5 western backpackers all coordinating who would go get what before they started their trek.
They were real Trekkers, we could tell. Their huge backpacks seemed to have everything including huge rolls of foam (probably to sleep on in this sub zero climate). They has the air of the group that had come together organically... It sounded  like they were mostly Europeans as they sat munching on cookies and plotting their route into the mountains.

Across from them was a table of 3 army men... They looked middle eastern and kind of mean. They were very rush rush about getting their coffees.

John and I sat next to the window in the sun... There were about a million flies around that table also seeking the warmth of the yellow light pouring in, but we didnt mind. We were happy to share it...

Through the window we could see the signs of the travel shop behind us. There were advertisements to book treks, white water raft, or ride camels, trekking in the Nubra valley.
WHOA!!! Ride a camel?
We realized looking at the photo that camels seem like the perfect animal to ride! You have a backrest and another hump to hold on to.
It looked exactly like what we wanted to do!

We paid our bill and walked next door to make arrangements for an adventure.

After realizing that it was in fact winter (if we couldn't tell from the snow and frost bit fingertips)... So a lot of the adventures were no longer available.
In fact, we found that about 80% of Ladakh was already closed down. (no wonder we loved it so much.) tourism was done for the season and most of the locals were preparing to head south to Goa for the winter while everything shuts it's doors. Even the mahabodhi center where we wanted to do a Vipasana was closed for the season.

Excited to go on some kind of adventure, we settled on a jeep safari through the Himalayas to Tso Pangong- a lake that looked pretty.

We had to leave our passports to get permission- since it's om the border and under Chinese authority.

At 7am sharp the next morning we met in front of the travel agency, introducing ourselves to the 3 Czech and 1 Russian girls we would be sharing the trip with.

After an hour we stopped for coffee (at my persistent request)  at the entrance to a place called Karu.

We parked next to a sign that said "Karu- cradle of the brave" and sat in a filthy dirty cafe...
I sipped black coffee and johnE lived on the wild side and had a breakfast bread thing.

Everyone besides us were military for as far as the eye could see.

We continued on in the warm car with beautiful Ladakhi music playing "OM mani padme hum" as we wove through the canyon towards the lake.
Entering a more desolate, scary looking region a sign read,
'only the best of friends or the worst of foes would like to visit us. Juley.'

Juley is Ladakhi for Hello and Goodbye.

"check out that barbed wire" John said pointing to a rock wall with prickly thistle stuck on top...


We started our ascent Up and up the sides of these huge mountains.... Only army trucks came down passing us impossibly on the hairpin turns.

Red bush scattered the desert floor among the pink and purple hued rocks. The mountains varied so much, from dripping chocolate desert mountains to icy snow covered shards of granite colored stone on the other.
My knuckles were white as they gripped the seat in front of me while our car zipped along these avalanche and landslide prone roads with no barriers.

Occasional witty words of warning were painted next to the roads advising cars to slow down and not speed.
Like, "be slow on my curves" 
And "time is money, but life is precious"

Army checkpoint after army checkpoint... We would stop and hand over our passports.

Hairpin turns cut impossibly through jagged rock mountains that seem to jut out beside us like crystals... I have NO idea how these roads were actually made.

We climbed higher and higher into the snow on icy, unpaved roads until we reached Changla Pass- the third highest pass in the world... 17,800 feet in the sky...  (the highest in the world is just across the way in Nubra valley)... We had a cup of tea, took some photos of JohnE's flip flopped feet in the snow and then piled back in the car and kept on going.

"only 2 hours to go" our driver said.

JohnE and I looked at eachother in horror! Nobody told us (or else we missed the memo) that it took 5 hours to get to the lake- where we'd turn around and drive back.

I started getting antsy, irritated and feeling trapped.

Before, I just wanted the driver to slow down feeling nauseous with his speed on the scary turns .... now I just wanted him to GO!!! 
Although the views were breathtaking, I did not want to spend 10 hours in a car today.
My skin was crawling.

... We reached a straight away in the red rock desert and all I could think was to ask the driver to floor it, when one of those signs came up

It said,
"you are not being chased"

I started laughing... Remembering a little boy named Brendan that was in the green room where I taught preschool in Pacific Palisades...
The kids would chase him on the playground until I told him
"if you don't run- they can't chase you."

He went out into the yard and closed his eyes and stood still. The kids got bored and found something else to do instead of waiting for Brendan to run.

I couldn't run from time or this commitment to be in a car for 10 hours so I decided to just accept it and breathe it in and not try to push time or will the hours to tick by faster.

I gazed out at the melting mountains... The dusty rock fields where yaks and pachmina sheep and goats roamed aimlessly.

The occasional terraced barley field or collection of red apricot trees were spattered among the military bases and checkpoints- their huts and houses made of mudbricks with roofs that were simply sticks piled side by side with mud and yak dung patties stacked on top.
Colorful prayer flags and mani wheels ever-present...

More signs encouraging drivers to go slow.

Did you know you could never go too slow?

The lake was honestly beautiful but somewhat underwhelming.
I think the mentawais have spoiled me for thinking any body of water is pretty.
My I-thing ran out of batteries so I couldn't take any more photos... But I didn't mind too much.

John got very sick on the drive back- stopping to puke in the rocks and snow every so often. (I think a mix of altitude sickness and the bread from the shady place we stopped at for breakfast).

He was asleep when the sun dropped into that divine white sunset... I almost woke him up and then I realized that this moment was for me.

It called me back to burning man in 2009.
I sat cross legged facing my soul brother I had just met.
We sat in the dust, not unlike this place.
He wore mirrored aviator sunglasses as we sat there in silence looking at each-other.
Over his left shoulder was the temple- a wooden structure of prayers and blessings. Behind that was the black rock mountains... The full moon was setting just to the right of the temple- the night sky was now shades of indigo that turned to purple an eventually lavender over our heads.
Through the mirrored aviators hanging on his face, I could see the reflection of the sun rising in all it's yellows and oranges behind me.

I didn't have a camera at that moment but that image stuck in my mind and heart eternally.

I think this one will be the same.

Because i chose to slow down, recognized that i was not being chased, and just breathed in that car ride, i was able to take the photograph in my mind, in my heart, of the sunset showing me heaven's light over the Himalayas ... The crown chakra of the world.