...the fall

The fall

There is a movie by this title.

If you haven't yet seen this mind-melting beautiful work of sensational cinematographic art- I highly suggest you get on that stat.
I know it's a big statement but it might be my favorite film of all time.

It's filmed in something like 28 countries in vibrant technicolor- you can taste the imagery and smell through the screen I swear.

Maybe that's why I love it... It's pretty much basically exactly like the way I live... In a multi-technicolor dreamcoat as i spin this story of my life, dancing a fairytale around every corner of this beautiful earth.

So... Ya.... Anyways...

 The fall.

When I first picked up my pen to write this piece that was bubbling up inside of me, it was referring to the autumn season...
The fall.

I realized yesterday that it's October.
...beware the Zanimal in the tenth month.

But for reals... It has been studied and proven that I get weird in October and I recognize it in myself every single year.
I've parted ways in almost every relationship I've had in the month of October...
My house burned down for the first time October 27th- making for an eerie, suffocatingly smokey stenched Halloween, putting me off the holiday for life...
And i have gotten the tragic call letting me know a friend has died at least 6 times in dark Octobers across time...

Today I fly away from a partnership I fell into unintentionally but organically and happily 3 months ago.
I left the side of my island pirate boyfriend today in my typical octoberly fashion... (at least until the spring)

But whenever i experience this fall... Whenever this parting of ways happens in my life, it's always with love, gratitude and somehow stays open-ended... like the run-on sentences I write in my love letters, poetry and diary entries...

It draws to mind the turning of a tree in the fall... The leaves once green and fresh, reaching towards the sun, beginning to change colors and slowly breaking free from the branch, falling to the earth...
But it's not like the tree burns down (unless you're referring to October 93- when yes... The trees and leaves on the ground went to ash in laguna)....

But this tree I have illustrated in my imagination... This metaphorical symbol of the fall shows me a fire colored leaf sitting at the feet of the sturdy tree that bore it, still in proximity, gazing up to it's old branchy home with love and gratitude... Just waiting for a strong wind to carry it away so it can dance through the air on a breeze and explore more of the world.

The fall that I experience every fall season is a sloughing of a cocoon I've been creating- wrapping around myself for the prior season.
With gratitude, I let it fall.

On a plane to KL, Malaysia en route to Delhi, I imagined the little plane I sat in falling to the sea and instinctively contracted and gripped my rose quartz amulet I travel with in my palm tightly... Until suddenly I recognized that there would be nothing I could do at that point but surrender to the fall and find acceptance in the end of the final chapter for me if that were to be.. If that's how it was written.

This is life.

Seasons turn. 
And we all fall.

I'm on the equator- just a few degrees south actually - so I think it's technically spring but hard to tell in the tropics.

Today I definitively cross into the northern hemisphere.. Into autumn... Where I will stay out this season.

It's almost my sweet soul brother Joshie's dirty thirty in LA... I'll be in India.
He pretty much fully flaked out in our adventure plans but I forgive him.

He taught me to Irish exit.
(just peacing out without heavy goodbyes)

I did that today at 6am... Irish exited Padang... Indonesia... My life for the better part of this year.

Up up and away...

Back to that other hemisphere...

Pieces of me fall.

For 8 months, around my wrist, I have worn a piece of worn, ripped, purple bandana- a  piece of Joshie's doggoddess Abby Deborah Doloros (ADD) Hogan...

It fell off in the sea in the mentawais this last trip.
It was under the full moon.
Unintentionally sacrificed to the tides...

During a night swim around the island on the first full moon i spent in the mentawais this season - a piece of moonstone fell out of my cosmic ring Susan gave me before I left yogitoes to embark on this journey.
"The moon took her stone back!" I squealed! And wore it with an empty hole for 6 months.

...today at Padang airport JohnE presented me with my ring... the hole where once was moonstone ... Now filled with a chunk of coral from his home... My home...
The mentawais....

It all comes full circle doesn't it?

We let go to receive.

This goes for everything, especially love.

"if you love someone, let them go. For if they return, they were always yours, and if they don't they never were."

Or if you prefer...

"love is like a magic penny... Hold it tight and you won't have many... Lend it. Spend it. You'll I've so many, they'll roll all over the floor."

A couple of my tears fell to the floor today... The floor where all the magic pennies roll around basking in their magical abundance.

Today I bid Sampai jumpa and look forward... Onward...
To the next adventure
To the next season
To the next fall I will fall into.