we sat and talked for hours about yoga and teaching and traveling... she shared stories about India and her last six months there alone as a solo yogi woman.
I was filled with fortuitous flutters and realized that i will be in rishikesh for 11.11.11 which is blowing my mind.
A huge kundalini festival with many teachers & kirtanwallas i know or have studied from will be there celebrating this magical date.
this afternoon in shanti lodge on my favorite little couch spot, spirit sister melanie said the words "eleven eleven eleven" just as i turned my wrist to stretch my fingers back (relieving the cramps from the 9,000 arm balances i did at Yoga Elements this morning)... my wrist proudly displaying my burnt sienna tattoo of an OM inside a fish capped by 11: 11 as she said thos words.
I could hear Josh Hogan's voice in my inner monolouge saying "pshh. well THAT's happening. You gotta go there Zani."
things are seriously happening right now.
maybe it's that i have thrown myself back into a strong asana practice... maybe it's being alone again... maybe its the magic elephant with its trunk up carved in silver on my new thumb ring jecca bought me her last night in bangkok... maybe its just the power of the full moon that just passed as the infection in my kidneys died off and my health began to blossom again as i detox myself with raw foods and juices and hot chilis.
...but things are definitely happening. shifting. preparing.
holy shit. holy shit. i am actually really and truly GOING to India. I am meeting Aaron Glass and friends. ha. (that's his band name)... after he comes back out of Nepal and finds me in the North of India.
Finally clear intentions from this fantasy we created on the front porch of the red house in Santa Cruz the very first night we met in these bodies last year.
it just makes so much sense and seems like such a no brainer that aaron would be there by my side as i explore the country that has called me the loudest my entire life.
aaron is that way... he's a soul parter to everyone. i cannot wait for this adventure
Last night after my adventure in lesson land with the Japanese yogi ninja Tommy... i found myself back in my couch at Shanti Lodge hanging out with Julien, my new Swiss/French friend.
I had just emailed Birdie, my island brother moments before Julien walked into my existance...
Birdie is in Zurich right now raving in the streets - he sends me the odd update on his european mayhem adventure and we continue our brother sister witty banter across the continents. i <3 him so hard.
i really hope we will get to see each other when i go through australia next month, if he's back from Switzerland.
Swiss-born Julien has also just arrived in Bangkok from India, like Melanie. He bought a motorcycle and cruised all over the country for months. He shared photos and stories... giving me names and numbers of his family of awesome people out in India...
Then we swapped music.
(a big thing for both of us, i could tell.)
He gave me a ton of German house and beats that i could only see David Block's face melting over...
I returned the gift with David Block's own music "The Human Experience" and various other whompy songs i thought he would get into.
I talked to Brent about 15 times throughout the night... twice after i was completely fully asleep. He was wasted in Padang... making his plans to head back to America after his boat sunk... twice.
I can hardly believe that the Nyangnyang Hujan is dead.
I loved that boat.
It brought me to the Mentawais for the very first time last May with Erin... and was my chariot as we departed with Jessica and Shayno, exiting the islands for the season this year, two weeks ago.
Brent is such a good friend to me and always has been. He is truly my big brother.
I used to say he is "like my brother" now i just say he IS my brother.
I heard him garbling Indonesian to people at Fella's on the other end of the phone all night and again, it made me miss Indo so much.
When i was talking to my yoga teacher from yesterday, Cerissa... she talked about Thailand and her connection there in the same way that i feel about Indonesia.
I had no idea that this was going to happen... this love affair with the country... but its there and i can't imagine living my life at very least part-time in Indo forever.
This morning, my arm balance mania Hanuman inspired yoga class i took (that KICKED my ass by the way)... taught by a wonderful teacher named Shayne... ended with this incredible guided meditation in Savasana...
She talked about the tantric belief that there is a space in the heart that holds a wishing tree.
As she said those words i immediately transported to the secret beachie break we go to with special guests... There is this incredible magnificent tree that is covered in moss and plants and looks like something out of a sci-fi movie...
Birdie told me the first time we went there together that it was a wishing tree, and every time i have sat up in those branches i have made a wish.
This morning as i lay there with eyes closed on the 23rd floor in Bangkok in corpse pose, letting the effects of the intensely challanging practice sink in, my soul seemed to linger lightly inside my body & i felt a powerful transportation to the wishing tree on Sipura Island. I saw it clearly in my third eye and i felt exactly what the moment felt like... smelled like... tasted like...
and i wrapped myself around the tree...
and i wished.
I wished for something that i didn't really know i wanted...
I wished for true love.
HA.
Here i am this totally insanely independant mermaid woman charging around the world with my entire life on my back and hanging off my arms... insisting to go it alone... a total commitment-phobe divorcee that runs in the oposite direction when a wave comes... (literally and metaphorically... surfing and in relationships)...
and then...
i wished for a wave.
maybe i am ready to catch a wave and commit to it.
ya.
whoa.
i talked to joshie about this recently by email.
He has overcome the fears and phobias and fallen into a relationship after divorcing his wife and figuring out how to let himself be vulnerable again... so i'm inspired and i really do think maybe i'm ready too.
i can DO this. i can open my heart (like Hanuman) and reveal whats inside... the fears, the baggage and the enormous amount of love and light too.
like the tracy chapman song i fell asleep to for the last month on the island...
"i'm ready... i'm ready... to let the rivers wash over me.... if it's love... flowin freely... i'm ready."
well.. i think, anyways.
i climbed aboard the overnight train to Surat Thani on platform 11 and found my seat beside a european couple - Boris and Raul from France and Spain, though they live Little India in Paris. At first i couldn't tell if they were just effeminate europeans or a couple - but as the night went on i determined that they were certainly lovers.
We talked in an english/french/spanish campur mix up and laughed for a few hours and then the incredibly pissed-off-looking train attendant came by and converted our seats into beds.
This was so amazing i can't even tell you.
The train was fully converted into bunk beds with curtains... and COMFY beds - i mean... better then some i've slept on in hotels out here... clean, pressed white linens and pillows and blankets. Everything was imaculate and wonderful.
I slept really well despite the head cold i have picked up.
My new friend Boris gave me a french decongestant but it was to no avail. (We were hoping it was just allergies and not a full-on head cold)... but i think that because i am still on antibiotics from the kidney infection, i have no antibodies to fight off little stuff like this cold.
it's okay. i haven't sniffled in a long time, so i don't mind too much.
I thought about how healthy i have been out in the islands of Indonesia... out there in the ring of fire where there is every kind of weird infection and disease ever... and i stayed SO well. I think this was a sign that it was supposed to be my home. it's this city garbage that will kill you.
I lay in my bed on the train and smiled the biggest smile in the dark of the night, like a giddy little kid.
i just L.O.V.E. trains. they are so... romantic.
I started to fantasize romance and epic love tales to come... i thought about how i can make manifest whatever i want at this point, since i have proved it to myself to be possible already.
LOOK! I am in Thailand!
I wrote on a post-it several years ago my top 5 places i wanted to go... Thailand was #1. Here i am. I just DID it.
NO FEAR.
So, i know that i can do this in all aspects of life... just make it real and DO IT.
Spencie used to say "Don't talk about it. BE about it."
and Surf Guidess Jen in Balian says "Don't think... Just DO."
It's so much easier said then done when fear is pinning you down in your seat, but once you are flying... riding down a traintrack in Thailand dreaming of what might/could/will happen when you arrive in the next 3 international cities you have on your agenda... the people who will be waiting for you... the opportunity to fall in love - with everyone, everything.... it's mind blowing and so exciting... it's giddy-making.
The grumpy Thai train attendant flung open the curtain at 6am and signaled that i get up so he could readjust my bed back into seats. The euros had gotten off around 3am. Boris flung back my curtain in the dark and blew me a huge kiss before he and his partner skipped off towards the islands... i love them and send them blessings always.
I realized that once again i was alone as i stood out of the way and watched the transformer train go to work.
The attendant's shirt had 1111 written on the back with some Thai charecters before and after.
Pshhh. Im not even surprised.
Things are happening.
p.s. Phuket rules.
Brent pointed out how spoiled i am when he called me for the thirtieth time today and i told him i was lying by the empty pool at the yacht haven marina in phuket while gina was working on her superyacht.
happening.
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