Suara Alam - the sound of the atmosphere

****************
written last night


"Suara Alam means the sound of the atmosphere"....

i sat there for a moment staring at my friend Nick's face.
He was holding a ukulele, wearing the 1970's sunglasses that Josh bought for me at goodwill in Gardena before i left.

"wait really?
... you're telling me there's a phrase that literally means "the sound of the atmosphere?"

there is... it's Suara Alam.

i love this language.




Nick "Wallaki" is an amazing musician, fellow Aries sun-worshipper and truly a soul-brother. We met last year when i was here, and he just arrived yesterday with Cahn's family for the wedding. He is basically fluent in Indonesian and has the same excitement about the poetry in the culture out here as i do.

I was able to share my gift with Nick and 3 other guests, Cahn's sister Shana, brother Jye and his wife Angie this morning with a yoga session on the driftwood castle planks as the rest of our friends surfed right in front of us, and Ruli, the chef cooked up breakfast.

I woke up this morning to teach yoga to the crew in this driftwood castle under a mosquito net as warm golden daylight was just breaking over the turquoise waves breaking directly in front of my pillow.

The beauty here is enough to break you open.

I'll take it.


I wrote a line this winter that said
"floor to ceiling faith...
i'm dressed head to toe in hope...
a cold dark night is broken by the dawn...
and although my heart is broken...
i believe it's broken OPEN...
i rise above my fear until it's gone."

Yesterday i went "surfing" with the Ainsley & the boys on this reef i am currently sitting in front of.

Nick and i had been sitting on the edge of the island writing a song together (he is going to add a verse to the "slow down song" in Indonesian... which is pretty much the most amazing idea ever.)... and he said his eyes perked up as the rest of the crew here all starting edging towards the sea with excitement...

So everyone started gearing up with their boards and Nick said "come on zani... just come paddle out with us... you don't have to actually ride any of the huge waves. just come be a part of it."

So of course, being me. (as my mother calls me "zani-go"... cuz i will ALWAYS say yes to go wherever anyone is going.)

It was terrifying, exhausting, and wonderfully way over my head. (literally)... but i plan to go out there again today.

Zani-Go in full force.

I miss my mommy. I know that this is HER part of the world... growing up in the tropics... and just the gracious, loving, respect in the culture here... it's so my mama.

In Bahasa Indoneisa - the word for "mister" is the same as the word for "father"...."Bapak" or "Pak"... You use this when addressing an older man.

"Ibu" is "ma'am" and/or "mother".

When Nick told me this I was immediately just so struck with the beauty in the symbolism of that.
There is no separation.

We are ALL family.

in Mentawai though... the word is "Abang" or shortened to "Bang" for friend and/or "brother."

I love this.

I have historically named people my "soul brother" or "soul sister"... after knowing them for moments...
I remember that happened with Tawney... with Mikey... with Joshie... with Peter... with Erin Gomez... etc. etc. etc.

These people who fell into my life and i knew without the shadow of a doubt that they were my blood.

My Abang... 'Bang Saya.'

The word for "me" is Saya...
But there is a word that means "my DEEPEST me" which is "Aku" or "Ku"

So really... to those people... who are my reflection connections... who i have looked into their eyes and seen my own... and told i loved them.

They are truly "Abang Aku" - the brother of my deepest me.

And here...
in this gorgeous, gorgeous place...
i say that for everyone.

i PRAY that everyone on this planet will find this place one day.

figuratively.

intellectually.

spiritually.

literally....

www.togatnusaretreat.com




Such a stunningly beautiful resort.

Johnny and Ainsley's vision is beyond anything i could ever think up...
Johnny is such a phenomenal architect and dreamer of beauty...
everything he creates blow my mind.

I spent my day (starting before the sun was all the way up) teaching yoga, giving massages, walking the guests around the island and doing an impromptu AWESOME family photo-shoot... (they look like a band all perched on the driftwood on the other-side of the island)...


This afternoon/evening became a little stressful for a moment, helping my new Indonesian friend named Yona behind the bar... I am helping to "train" her, but being that i just got here too, and also that i don't speak Indo... it's a little difficult.
There were just lots of customers... but I am finding my footing and as always diving in deep.
I trust it will all unfold in divine timing.

All the surfers from my friend Bevo's charter boat came in to the bar to have drinks with Brent too!
And drinks they had.
Let me tell you.

Aussies can drink like the best of them.

Speaking of which, I am now in the driftwood castle lying on the couch typing this as 6 of my friends drink rum and cokes (they happen to be Australian) but they are all singing in Indonesian.

I can't wait to fully speak this language.

Aku Cinta Kamu.

i'm gonna go find a place to lay my head down.

***************
written this morning:

last night as everything was settling down i sat in the monkey bar chatting with cahn's mother, Di and grandmother, who they call Naida for hours.
This family is SO rad.
I feel like they have the same values and ideals that i was raised with - encouraging one another to be as artistic and unique and individual as possible.
Di and Naida literally had me in STITCHES laughing so hard, i was crying.
they sat telling me all about how they go on an adventure every year together and just laugh at everything and anything.
they seem to have the most fantastical adventures, and something ridiculous and hilarious happens to them everywhere they go.
i told them they should write a book.

i called my mom before i went to sleep.

i worship my mother.
she is so wonderful to talk to and seems to know exactly what i need to hear (eventhough sometimes i don't want to hear it... of course).

my mom reminded me why i came here in the first place...

its so easy to get caught in things in life... the beauty of a place... the energy....

i am on a mission.

i had an awakening. an epiphany.

i realized that we are so much more then this body... this is just a shell.
but this shell is SO fragile...
i could die tomorrow.

and so i am here for today.

i am here to do what i believe i was put on earth to do...

to help raise people's consciousness... to awaken them to a deeper part of themselves... to provide yoga, and body work, and just general interpersonal relationships... like our walk around the island...
just falling into conversations and situations that beg us to dig deeper... and question bigger... and LOVE more powerfully... and fear less.

this video just fell into my lap... and i can hardly believe how much it articulates what i have been saying.



the last two days, i found myself out in the ocean around the island,
dipping my head under the tuquoise water and AUMing over and over again....
sending the sacred vibration of that syllable to the tectonic plates... to the mother herself...

i just wanted to send love and peace to the planet... to the people on the planet... and to the earth herself.

FEAR does not serve anyone.

i almost got scared when i went out 'surfing' with everyone yesterday.
i was laughing, but i started freaking out a little bit.

and then i realized that there was no point.

but i think that happened to remind me how hard it is in the MOMENT... when you are actually faced with fear.

it's easy for me to sit here in paradise and preach about how easy it is to trust... but i would not be here... none of us would... if we didn't walk into the dark and just trust.