avocados in the morning...

**************
warm, humid, padang morning


isn't there a poem?

My sister Lara wrote a song once about "avocados in the mornaay-ay-ay-ayng..." and i feel like she was quoting a poem for some reason.

either way... i think it's romantic to eat avocados for breakfast.
i'm not sure why.

Sitting at the breakfast table this morning, Bridgette walks out and presents me with this huge green thing that looked to like a papaya.
it was an avocado she had gotten for me to eat, after our kitchen conversation last night.

She found me rifling through my suitcase that's in the storage room searching for a cliff bar last night after we got home from SPICE, the other homestay where our friends are staying. The rain bucketed down outside the sliding shed door.

I bought a 6 pack of cliff bars before I left LA on my target run with Joe Con. (even though he fully laughed and said "really, six? what? like one bar a month?"... then we sat in my rental car in the parking lot and talked about metaphysics and shared poetry until we cried.)
Joe's music (www.thewordmadefresh.com/) is so intelligent.
i feel like he's a prophet.
a vessel....
but of course i wasn't smart enough to listen to the prophet telling me to get more cliff bars.

So there i was like a crackhead searching for crack in my giant green suitcase full of yoga stuff.

I knew there was one left and I was shaking from not being able to eat for the last few days.
(the only thing I could stomach has been pistachios and almonds... plus the occasional serving of white rice.)

the first few nights I was open to eating the veggie dishes that are made here... some combination of leafy green, carrots, bok choy and chilis swimming in thick spicy sauces.

But surprise, surprise, I (of course) got very sick... because I always get sick. there was very likely wheat flour to thicken the sauces... and the MSG gives me a terrible headache.

so then it stresses me out and I become that high maintenance eater which the thought of being that upsets me- and then it gets worse an worse. and blah blah blah. i hate talking about it.

if there was a pill with all the nutrients i needed for a day, i would take it in a heartbeat and then not worry about eating. its the bane of my existence.
So i spilled it all to Bridgette, standing in the kitchen.
It felt like therapy.

...and then this morning i wake up and she has an avocado for me (one of the foods i told her my body loves to eat) and says she is taking me to the market to buy the other stuff so that i can have food i like and won't get stressed.

dude... i know.
i love her so much it's out of control.
she is an angel.

So... off we go to the "supermarket" in Padang, West Sumatra.

My friend Mick came too.

It was QUITE the experience.


I got three bags of fruits and veggies that i can eat and four boxes of candles to vibe out on the island...


you know how i am... i love to make everywhere i go "zan's zen zone"...

but i'll admit... i was DEFINITELY not "zen" in the least bit at the market when i had to walk through the chicken place...
FULL. BLOWN. ZANIC. PANIC.
not funny.
at all.



okay... upon watching myself on video, it might be slightly funny.

Last night I saw a gecko run across the ceiling....

and my first thought was, "whoa zani! that was a quick!"

i was talking (well... think-talking in my head) about how quick my adjustment was to NOT being grossed out by things like watching this little white gecko scuttle across the sweating ceiling.

(apparently i haven't adjusted to be a FULL non-freaker-outer yet... after those chickens at the market... but progress, right?)

i don't think i had ever seen a white gecko...
The geiko gecko is green... so that's probably where i've been thrown off.

the indo crabs are white too.

i wonder why they are white here?

The girls at spice told me to wear white cuz moquitos like the dark fabric for some reason.
They also told me to eat spicy food and not have such hot body temperature.
I don't know exactly how to lower my body temp yet... but hey... i figured out how to slow my heart rate down on the EKG machine by breathing when i was getting my EMT license... so i'm sure i can work out lowering my blood temperature too.

(ya... that's really my heart!)

I slept with a white sheet wrapped on my legs to hope i didn't get bit as badly as i did the night before when i had a brown sheet. (and i fully put on leggings even though its boiling hot... just so i don't scratch till i bleed.)

It actually made me think of some people that have been mosquitos in my life.
(those who I have allowed to feast on me until I was empty and sick.)

They liked the dark too.

I like being bite-free and I like the light and I like the color white
the crown chakra is white.

OM consciousness and divinity.

I like what white represents.

...and I like the idea of sleeping in white and being away from prana sucking creatures that like stagnant water and darkness

pass on ALL of that business.

Brent's boat is on its way to the water. WOO HOO.

That means that we should be heading out tomorrow morning! ... although Ainsley says that the conditions are pretty gnarly... she has used the words "stormy squalls" "white caps" and "churning ocean."

All of which sound like i might end up being really happy that i haven't been able to eat much.

I went to the yard yesterday and saw the boat getting painted (sweet smoke flames airbrushed on the side)
and I hung out with Brent's Indonesian partner, Charlie.

The yard was probably the saddest, most horrible thing i have experienced here.
I won't post any videos just yet, because it really upset me... but there were a good 50 beautiful, adorable dogs running around, fighting with each other, eating garbage, and being whipped by some older guy that dumped the scariest looking food out for them and then seemed to just abuse them directly after.

Charlie was laughing so hard he was falling off his seat (an over-turned steel boat with little pieces of glass and garbage all over it) when i started getting upset and showing him pictures of Jessica and Margot's dogs "Rocco and Donny" in their sweaters.

i was almost in tears screaming "i will take you all home and put you in sweaters! jessica will wrap all of you little puppies in cashmere and you can ALL sleep in the bed under the covers.... i love you. i love you."



indonesia won't know what hit them when margot lockridge and jessica copeskey get out here.
...and the sorrento in santa monica won't know what hit them when the girls come back home with 110,000 dogs.