wrap yourself in blue...

11:11am
**********

I just came up from the beach and sat down in the driftwood castleto write this blog and looked at the time only to see (of course) that it is 11:11am.

I pointed it out the time to my Australian roommate/islandmate Birdie... who told me that "rememberance day" in Australia is at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.)

I'm not surprised at the synchronicity of that....

Less then 20 minutes ago, i JUST read in my book 'The Twelfth Insight' by James Redfield

"the hardest part is remembering to remember."

(he was talking about staying in the synchronistic flow)... and how true this is.

I have been accused of being some kind of guru teacher.... and i have been accused of being a hypocrite.
(I'm not embarrassed to disclose either of those somewhat embarrassing facts.)

When I am in the flow... things flow out from me in a bizarre way. It's like I am not even speaking or thinking or writing...
A channel opens up in me and words just spill out from somewhere divine in a perfect way.

And when the channel is closed, i can't seem to remember to remember how to get back there and the zanimal in me just seems to spiral out in the other direction... like spilling out away from the container in a messy way.

After a brilliant yoga practice, i say to myself... "ZANI... you LOVE this. you NEED this. don't forget to practice long and hard every day." .... and invariably i forget.

Before my friend Brittany Berman moved to London, I gave her a copy of 'The Celestine Prophecy' by James Redfield.
('The Twelfth Insight' is one of the sequels.)... I told her how being aware and open had made my experience in Europe so incredible. Time slows down when you are present and in the flow. You want for nothing...
You just flow and receive.
It is magic.

It feels like we are non-stop 'in the flow' here on the island...

maybe it's because we are ON an island... the tides flow in a circle around us, encouraging us... challenging us to fall into the same motion... circular, encapsulating synchronicity and surrender.

"the tides are in our veins."

i was making my way up the beach a moment ago, the waves gently ebbing and flowing past my feet as i walked upon the white sand, corral and shells... the silky turquoise water wrapping around my ankles.

It reminded me of the first song i wrote... (well... the first song at least since the days of 'the heart sisters' - Laraaaa, Xaniiiii.... Tiaaaaaa.... We're. The. Heart. Siiiiissterrrrrrs... ya we were big time when i was 8. "yes mommy. yes daddy." was a HIT.)

No, this song i wrote on bay street about a year and a half ago.
It was called "a lullaby to my shadow" and it came out of me when Jamie left.
I found myself alone in our... my apartment.
I would hear muffled screams in my head. I thought i was going schizophrenic.
maybe i was, a little.

but i wrote this song... or maybe this song wrote me.
...either way, i sang these words to myself:

"don't be afraid... don't fear the dark and run away....
those muffled cries... you hear... at night...
it is a song... it is the shadow of your soul...
so hear the truth.... the wind... her voice...
and listen well... listen well...
wrap yourself in blue.
be still my child.
the dawn will come.
know that you ARE the sun.
know that you ARE the moon.
be still my child.
the dawn will come.
wrap yourself in blue."

17 months later... and i am walking up a beach looking down at my feet as i leisurely stroll, humming to myself.

the sun is slightly on my back, but mostly just directly overhead, which means that lunch will be ready soon.

i am ankle deep, wrapped in 300 shades of blue satin... though it is crystal clear.
WRAP YOURSELF IN BLUE.

a have a tattoo on my ankle that says the word "kaivalya" in sanksrit...
this word means 'freedom through isolation'...

the tassels on the edge of the sarong wrapped around my waist, blow in the breeze coming off the waves as i walk.

my skin feels browned... baked in the tropical sun.

my book is under one arm and my nalgene bottle filled with electrolytes and water is in my other hand.

my once green, now multi-colored multi-colored nalgene has been with me since my yoga teacher training with annie carpenter in 2007.

It came with me to playa in 2009 and carries various worn stickers.

several burning man stickers...
a newhippie sticker...
a pan america sticker...
and a sticker that says simply "BE HERE NOW"

And here i am.

17 months after i wrote the words "WRAP YOURSELF IN BLUE"

and i am on an island that is literally wrapped inside the bluest part of the indian ocean.
i am still.
i am present.

i am here now.

Suara Alam - the sound of the atmosphere

****************
written last night


"Suara Alam means the sound of the atmosphere"....

i sat there for a moment staring at my friend Nick's face.
He was holding a ukulele, wearing the 1970's sunglasses that Josh bought for me at goodwill in Gardena before i left.

"wait really?
... you're telling me there's a phrase that literally means "the sound of the atmosphere?"

there is... it's Suara Alam.

i love this language.




Nick "Wallaki" is an amazing musician, fellow Aries sun-worshipper and truly a soul-brother. We met last year when i was here, and he just arrived yesterday with Cahn's family for the wedding. He is basically fluent in Indonesian and has the same excitement about the poetry in the culture out here as i do.

I was able to share my gift with Nick and 3 other guests, Cahn's sister Shana, brother Jye and his wife Angie this morning with a yoga session on the driftwood castle planks as the rest of our friends surfed right in front of us, and Ruli, the chef cooked up breakfast.

I woke up this morning to teach yoga to the crew in this driftwood castle under a mosquito net as warm golden daylight was just breaking over the turquoise waves breaking directly in front of my pillow.

The beauty here is enough to break you open.

I'll take it.


I wrote a line this winter that said
"floor to ceiling faith...
i'm dressed head to toe in hope...
a cold dark night is broken by the dawn...
and although my heart is broken...
i believe it's broken OPEN...
i rise above my fear until it's gone."

Yesterday i went "surfing" with the Ainsley & the boys on this reef i am currently sitting in front of.

Nick and i had been sitting on the edge of the island writing a song together (he is going to add a verse to the "slow down song" in Indonesian... which is pretty much the most amazing idea ever.)... and he said his eyes perked up as the rest of the crew here all starting edging towards the sea with excitement...

So everyone started gearing up with their boards and Nick said "come on zani... just come paddle out with us... you don't have to actually ride any of the huge waves. just come be a part of it."

So of course, being me. (as my mother calls me "zani-go"... cuz i will ALWAYS say yes to go wherever anyone is going.)

It was terrifying, exhausting, and wonderfully way over my head. (literally)... but i plan to go out there again today.

Zani-Go in full force.

I miss my mommy. I know that this is HER part of the world... growing up in the tropics... and just the gracious, loving, respect in the culture here... it's so my mama.

In Bahasa Indoneisa - the word for "mister" is the same as the word for "father"...."Bapak" or "Pak"... You use this when addressing an older man.

"Ibu" is "ma'am" and/or "mother".

When Nick told me this I was immediately just so struck with the beauty in the symbolism of that.
There is no separation.

We are ALL family.

in Mentawai though... the word is "Abang" or shortened to "Bang" for friend and/or "brother."

I love this.

I have historically named people my "soul brother" or "soul sister"... after knowing them for moments...
I remember that happened with Tawney... with Mikey... with Joshie... with Peter... with Erin Gomez... etc. etc. etc.

These people who fell into my life and i knew without the shadow of a doubt that they were my blood.

My Abang... 'Bang Saya.'

The word for "me" is Saya...
But there is a word that means "my DEEPEST me" which is "Aku" or "Ku"

So really... to those people... who are my reflection connections... who i have looked into their eyes and seen my own... and told i loved them.

They are truly "Abang Aku" - the brother of my deepest me.

And here...
in this gorgeous, gorgeous place...
i say that for everyone.

i PRAY that everyone on this planet will find this place one day.

figuratively.

intellectually.

spiritually.

literally....

www.togatnusaretreat.com




Such a stunningly beautiful resort.

Johnny and Ainsley's vision is beyond anything i could ever think up...
Johnny is such a phenomenal architect and dreamer of beauty...
everything he creates blow my mind.

I spent my day (starting before the sun was all the way up) teaching yoga, giving massages, walking the guests around the island and doing an impromptu AWESOME family photo-shoot... (they look like a band all perched on the driftwood on the other-side of the island)...


This afternoon/evening became a little stressful for a moment, helping my new Indonesian friend named Yona behind the bar... I am helping to "train" her, but being that i just got here too, and also that i don't speak Indo... it's a little difficult.
There were just lots of customers... but I am finding my footing and as always diving in deep.
I trust it will all unfold in divine timing.

All the surfers from my friend Bevo's charter boat came in to the bar to have drinks with Brent too!
And drinks they had.
Let me tell you.

Aussies can drink like the best of them.

Speaking of which, I am now in the driftwood castle lying on the couch typing this as 6 of my friends drink rum and cokes (they happen to be Australian) but they are all singing in Indonesian.

I can't wait to fully speak this language.

Aku Cinta Kamu.

i'm gonna go find a place to lay my head down.

***************
written this morning:

last night as everything was settling down i sat in the monkey bar chatting with cahn's mother, Di and grandmother, who they call Naida for hours.
This family is SO rad.
I feel like they have the same values and ideals that i was raised with - encouraging one another to be as artistic and unique and individual as possible.
Di and Naida literally had me in STITCHES laughing so hard, i was crying.
they sat telling me all about how they go on an adventure every year together and just laugh at everything and anything.
they seem to have the most fantastical adventures, and something ridiculous and hilarious happens to them everywhere they go.
i told them they should write a book.

i called my mom before i went to sleep.

i worship my mother.
she is so wonderful to talk to and seems to know exactly what i need to hear (eventhough sometimes i don't want to hear it... of course).

my mom reminded me why i came here in the first place...

its so easy to get caught in things in life... the beauty of a place... the energy....

i am on a mission.

i had an awakening. an epiphany.

i realized that we are so much more then this body... this is just a shell.
but this shell is SO fragile...
i could die tomorrow.

and so i am here for today.

i am here to do what i believe i was put on earth to do...

to help raise people's consciousness... to awaken them to a deeper part of themselves... to provide yoga, and body work, and just general interpersonal relationships... like our walk around the island...
just falling into conversations and situations that beg us to dig deeper... and question bigger... and LOVE more powerfully... and fear less.

this video just fell into my lap... and i can hardly believe how much it articulates what i have been saying.



the last two days, i found myself out in the ocean around the island,
dipping my head under the tuquoise water and AUMing over and over again....
sending the sacred vibration of that syllable to the tectonic plates... to the mother herself...

i just wanted to send love and peace to the planet... to the people on the planet... and to the earth herself.

FEAR does not serve anyone.

i almost got scared when i went out 'surfing' with everyone yesterday.
i was laughing, but i started freaking out a little bit.

and then i realized that there was no point.

but i think that happened to remind me how hard it is in the MOMENT... when you are actually faced with fear.

it's easy for me to sit here in paradise and preach about how easy it is to trust... but i would not be here... none of us would... if we didn't walk into the dark and just trust.

home.

i am here.

about 9 days ago i left venice beach in a range rover driven by my best friend of 16 years.

some of my favorite people ever stood on the front porch stoop of the OM hOMe and howled as i pulled away towards LAX and whatever adventures lay ahead of me...

i can only think of a few moments in my almost 27 years of life that were as terrifying as that one.

what was i doing?


Last June - i rode my bike down broadway street after returning home from indonesia and finding out i was getting evicted from the apartment my ex-husband and i had shared for 3 years.

it was a total blessing.

i couldn't afford the $1300/mo. rent by myself... (although... don't get me wrong. i was NEVER actually alone there. 12 people had keys to that door and i loved it.)

but i knew, just as well as the universe in its divine wisdom knew... that it was time to move on.

so mikey, erin gomez & i set out on bicycles to find an OM hOMe... i figured wherever i decided to call hOMe, would end up housing many of my friends... but i had no idea it would end up becoming the famous vibe-six-seven Mowgli hOWWWse.

...and then all of a sudden, there i was 8 months later, driving away down Broadway with everything i owned packed into 2 suitcases.



... this became my theme song in the weeks leading up to my departure.

a series of crazy beautiful events led to me, josh & abby in a rental SUV stuck in deep mud in central california around 3am, freezing to death, trying to sleeping on top of several yoga mats and native american inspired blankets listening to copeland on repeat.

i will forever and always love copeland and consider it my soul's lullaby.

in fact, it is playing right this moment as i lie on the bed of my "hut" -- which should really be regarded as no less then a "driftwood dream-house"...
i
kid
you
not

i am perched on the edge of the most glorious island on earth.

from my bed, i see stunning green glass and rope lamps casting moon-like light across the tiki and soft white driftwood constructed elegantly to create the craftsman A-frame structure as crystal clear 85 degree waves crash in the dark beyond the glass doors propped open by conch shells.

as far as the ear can hear, there is no motor of any kind...

only the clicks and chirps of the jungle forest behind me & the deep sigh of my heart.

i am FINALLY here.


i forgot EVERYTHING.

i forgot how INDA it is here... (thats the indonesian word to describe something beautiful... and how appropriate that the country's name has the word INDA in it.)

it's too beautiful to put into words.

we pulled up at Awera - a friend's island resort...
between coasts so jam packed with palm trees they are literally bending and spilling over the edges.
TEEMING with life, this place.


i forgot how the water feels like silk... and the sand is so white... like the gecko on the ceiling in padang... and like the crabs that scuttle around...

i forgot that its so unbelievable, it is literally hard to believe.

it's divine here.

divine perfection.

how am i so blessed? what did i do to deserve this?

ainsley, john, birdie and i had dinner tonight...

ainsley and john own this paradise and birdie is the surf guide that lives here.

all beautiful, light-hearted, joyful people...

they all play guitar too... which is incredibly badass.

if these are really the people that are my reflection connection, then i am doing something RIGHT.

beeker is my new cuddle buddy...

she is a mentawai island monkey and i am in love with her.

before we went to sleep she was cuddling john as he lay on the floor of the kitchen.



i kept welling up with tears all day/night.

it's absolutely the dream of all dreams to be here.

(the generator shut off after i wrote that sentence last night.... so i will leave it at that....)

more to come after today... (which so far includes waking up to coffee, a gorgeous naked baby in the driftwood castle- his name is jonah, the son of my new friends tom and sas, who came to visit today.... then ainsley playing and singing me songs that she wrote that are absolutely insanely good.... practicing yoga in front of the waves as the monkey danced around.... diving in the silky warm ocean and then laying out in the sun alone... eating a beautiful lunch prepared by linda, the indonesian chef... and now sitting in the guest hut i am lucky enough to be staying in.... meditating and feeling blessed beyond words....)

Jam Karet... (rubber-time)

************
uhh... later on the same day as the last post, i guess.


intersections in indonesia are AMAZING.
there is no right-of-way...
everyone just goes at the same time.

they HONK their horns and HOPE it works out.
and somehow... it does.

it flows here.

in America we like to draw really bright, solid lines that say
THIS IS YOUR SIDE
and
THIS IS MY SIDE
it's as though there is an electric shock system in our lanes... like on a farm, how when an animal crosses over that imaginary line that delineates OUR farm from THEIR farm... they get totally electrocuted and scolded!
(it seems we do that with everything... the possessiveness)

here, it is not that way.

in indo... you will be barreling down a road on a motorbike in the pouring rain.... you can't see a thing... there are potholes literally the size of bathtubs... and a random truck starts speeding towards you, going the "wrong way"... and somehow, magically it works out.

there are SO many ways to get hurt all the time out here...

and yet, there's such incredible FAITH....
to me, if feels like a TRUST... that E.W.O. (Everything Works Out)... and it really does.

Sure... people totally get hurt and crash and whatever... but no more so, really, then they do in LA.
And here, the people are exercising fearlessness and faith.

you just GO.
and somehow, when everyone is trusting, and nobody is hesitating... E.W.O.

My friend Mick and I decided to go on another adventure today... since the last one we went on (climbing to the top of a hill) was awesome display of E.W.O.


We had a driver pick us up from Bridgette's house and directed him to drop us off somewhere beautiful.
So he drove us about 30 minutes south to Bungus - and stopped near Ayer Terjun Lubuhitam (Lubuhitam waterfall)...
and fully just dropped us off.

Before he drove away he gestured up the mountain... "Ayer Terjun!" he said pointing vaguely... and then zoomed away.

We didn't know where we were.
We had no clue how we were going to get home from there...
We had no clue about anything.

All we knew, was that we were there.
And there we were.

Heading down a dirt path, we decided we would follow the guys carrying the giant sacks on their heads that were heading up towards something...
Everything was SO lush and green.
We were immediately in the jungle.

Monkeys were everywhere and the creek was rushing down next to us as amazing huge plants took breaths so deep, i swear i could hear them.

We didn't have any way of knowing which way we were facing since we didn't have a map or compass..

So, of course... i did "compass pose" on a rock.

duh.

There was a young couple swimming in the water right below me that we said hello to and immediately became friends.
Neither of them spoke a word of english
and neither of us speak Indo...
But we communicated and hung out for a good two hours...

Instead of hiking through the jungle on the little dirt trail... the four of us climbed up the middle of the creek, hoping from rock to rock, like the monkeys all around us.



we finally got up pretty high and found a little flat area perfect for a dip... the rocks all around were shaded by trees and perfect for just sitting, with eyes closed and listening to the clicks and hums of the jungle... and the constant crescendo of the waterfall and rushing water around us.
i fell into a trance.

when i came back to life... the boys had decided to continue up and climb to the top of the waterfall... and i would stay right there and wait with Camila, my new friend.

I have no clue how much time passed, but i think it must have been hours.

when the boys got back, i hugged my new friends to say goodbye and we started back down, realizing we really needed to get on the whole return adventure.
I had been talking to Camila in our language-less language about the best way to get back to Padang City and we had hatched a plan.
(so i thought.)

We started walking down the little dirt trail by the side of the creek.
And before we knew it, our new friends were right behind us... over-taking us on the trail and signaling for us to follow them.



When we got to the bottom, we said goodbye again... Mick and I had made our plans to walk from the bottom of the trail out to the main street and either take a taksi or a bus...

All of a sudden Teman pulled around on his motorcycle and indicated for us to get on...driving us down the road to the main street.
Mick screamed to me over the buzz of the motorcycle we were now on, riding down a jungle road,
"strangers are just friends you haven't met yet!"

We walked through Bungus for a little while putting our thumbs up and saying "Bungus is Bagus!" (Bagus is "good")...
and we ended up meeting a new friend named Raul, along the road.

Raul owns a guesthouse (like Bridgette's) - called Losmen Tin Tin... He spoke english very well, and instructed us to take a bus (bis)... waited with us until we got on and then said "check out my website!" www.losmentintin.com
He was hilarious.
i love him.

While we were waiting Mick mentioned to Raul that it seemed like it had been a little more then the "fifteen minutes" for the next bus to drive by.

That's when Raul started laughing and said "JAM KARET! WELCOME TO INDONESIA!"

Jam Karet is rubber time.

eternal SEKARANG. (Now)

there is ONLY right now.
yesterday never happened.
and tomorrow will never come.

Its so easy to forget to embrace the moment.


We got on the little blue "bus" that could very well be the slowest moving thing in this entire country, heading for Padang.

It was seriously so unbelievably slow we started to get irritable.

We hadn't eaten and this bus was basically going backwards it was going so slow.

Thats when the song i started writing in Singapore popped in my head.

KNOW YOU CAN NEVER GO TOO SLOW
OH OH
KNOW YOU CAN NEVER GO TOO SLOW.

well.. shit.

i pulled out my ipod - gave one ear to Mick, put my feet up and let Cat Stevens carry us all the way home to Padang.
Going slow gave me the opportunity to actually look at the beautiful landscape and countryside as we waddled back up the coast towards Bridgette's.

avocados in the morning...

**************
warm, humid, padang morning


isn't there a poem?

My sister Lara wrote a song once about "avocados in the mornaay-ay-ay-ayng..." and i feel like she was quoting a poem for some reason.

either way... i think it's romantic to eat avocados for breakfast.
i'm not sure why.

Sitting at the breakfast table this morning, Bridgette walks out and presents me with this huge green thing that looked to like a papaya.
it was an avocado she had gotten for me to eat, after our kitchen conversation last night.

She found me rifling through my suitcase that's in the storage room searching for a cliff bar last night after we got home from SPICE, the other homestay where our friends are staying. The rain bucketed down outside the sliding shed door.

I bought a 6 pack of cliff bars before I left LA on my target run with Joe Con. (even though he fully laughed and said "really, six? what? like one bar a month?"... then we sat in my rental car in the parking lot and talked about metaphysics and shared poetry until we cried.)
Joe's music (www.thewordmadefresh.com/) is so intelligent.
i feel like he's a prophet.
a vessel....
but of course i wasn't smart enough to listen to the prophet telling me to get more cliff bars.

So there i was like a crackhead searching for crack in my giant green suitcase full of yoga stuff.

I knew there was one left and I was shaking from not being able to eat for the last few days.
(the only thing I could stomach has been pistachios and almonds... plus the occasional serving of white rice.)

the first few nights I was open to eating the veggie dishes that are made here... some combination of leafy green, carrots, bok choy and chilis swimming in thick spicy sauces.

But surprise, surprise, I (of course) got very sick... because I always get sick. there was very likely wheat flour to thicken the sauces... and the MSG gives me a terrible headache.

so then it stresses me out and I become that high maintenance eater which the thought of being that upsets me- and then it gets worse an worse. and blah blah blah. i hate talking about it.

if there was a pill with all the nutrients i needed for a day, i would take it in a heartbeat and then not worry about eating. its the bane of my existence.
So i spilled it all to Bridgette, standing in the kitchen.
It felt like therapy.

...and then this morning i wake up and she has an avocado for me (one of the foods i told her my body loves to eat) and says she is taking me to the market to buy the other stuff so that i can have food i like and won't get stressed.

dude... i know.
i love her so much it's out of control.
she is an angel.

So... off we go to the "supermarket" in Padang, West Sumatra.

My friend Mick came too.

It was QUITE the experience.


I got three bags of fruits and veggies that i can eat and four boxes of candles to vibe out on the island...


you know how i am... i love to make everywhere i go "zan's zen zone"...

but i'll admit... i was DEFINITELY not "zen" in the least bit at the market when i had to walk through the chicken place...
FULL. BLOWN. ZANIC. PANIC.
not funny.
at all.



okay... upon watching myself on video, it might be slightly funny.

Last night I saw a gecko run across the ceiling....

and my first thought was, "whoa zani! that was a quick!"

i was talking (well... think-talking in my head) about how quick my adjustment was to NOT being grossed out by things like watching this little white gecko scuttle across the sweating ceiling.

(apparently i haven't adjusted to be a FULL non-freaker-outer yet... after those chickens at the market... but progress, right?)

i don't think i had ever seen a white gecko...
The geiko gecko is green... so that's probably where i've been thrown off.

the indo crabs are white too.

i wonder why they are white here?

The girls at spice told me to wear white cuz moquitos like the dark fabric for some reason.
They also told me to eat spicy food and not have such hot body temperature.
I don't know exactly how to lower my body temp yet... but hey... i figured out how to slow my heart rate down on the EKG machine by breathing when i was getting my EMT license... so i'm sure i can work out lowering my blood temperature too.

(ya... that's really my heart!)

I slept with a white sheet wrapped on my legs to hope i didn't get bit as badly as i did the night before when i had a brown sheet. (and i fully put on leggings even though its boiling hot... just so i don't scratch till i bleed.)

It actually made me think of some people that have been mosquitos in my life.
(those who I have allowed to feast on me until I was empty and sick.)

They liked the dark too.

I like being bite-free and I like the light and I like the color white
the crown chakra is white.

OM consciousness and divinity.

I like what white represents.

...and I like the idea of sleeping in white and being away from prana sucking creatures that like stagnant water and darkness

pass on ALL of that business.

Brent's boat is on its way to the water. WOO HOO.

That means that we should be heading out tomorrow morning! ... although Ainsley says that the conditions are pretty gnarly... she has used the words "stormy squalls" "white caps" and "churning ocean."

All of which sound like i might end up being really happy that i haven't been able to eat much.

I went to the yard yesterday and saw the boat getting painted (sweet smoke flames airbrushed on the side)
and I hung out with Brent's Indonesian partner, Charlie.

The yard was probably the saddest, most horrible thing i have experienced here.
I won't post any videos just yet, because it really upset me... but there were a good 50 beautiful, adorable dogs running around, fighting with each other, eating garbage, and being whipped by some older guy that dumped the scariest looking food out for them and then seemed to just abuse them directly after.

Charlie was laughing so hard he was falling off his seat (an over-turned steel boat with little pieces of glass and garbage all over it) when i started getting upset and showing him pictures of Jessica and Margot's dogs "Rocco and Donny" in their sweaters.

i was almost in tears screaming "i will take you all home and put you in sweaters! jessica will wrap all of you little puppies in cashmere and you can ALL sleep in the bed under the covers.... i love you. i love you."



indonesia won't know what hit them when margot lockridge and jessica copeskey get out here.
...and the sorrento in santa monica won't know what hit them when the girls come back home with 110,000 dogs.

Reflection Connections & so forth...

*****************
day:


in LA you hear all the time, "oh. my god. you HAVE to meet my friend 'so-and-so'... you will just LOVE each other."

and years upon years can go by and you might never meet them.
or sometimes you can somehow MISS someone a million times.. walk by the same person, run with the same crew and never know the other even exists.

last month i got a facebook friend request from a guy that i literally had 75 mutual friends with.
i usually don't friend people i don't know but i sent him a message and asked how we knew each other...
he said we had met ONE time at a hootinany out in malibu, but i don't remember that.

he knew everyone from my venice tribe.
he knew everyone from my bronson house tribe
and randomly he knew a bunch of my friends in west australia.

how is it possible that i didn't know this guy?

to make it even weirder, he studied medicine and healing arts and was a yogi... AND randomly gave me a piece of rose quartz without even knowing it was my spirit stone.

i kept saying... dude... sliding yurt doors, much?
(another one of these aforementioned "reflection connections")

i only saw his eyeballs in real life about 4 times in the few weeks before i left. i still don't get it. how did i never know him before?

*
**
***LONG CAMERA SHOT PANS TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE EARTH with little ZZZZooooooooOOOM sound effect***
**
*

the night before last, around sunset, brent and i were cruising down the padang road on a motorbike when we decided to stop by to meet christina - a beautiful, fiesty illinois-born ex-pat... who's been living in padang for over a decade.
(one of the other FIVE white women living out here.)

we pulled up and found my new friend pacing back and forth inside the gate, intensely talking to someone on her blackberry as she took long drags from her sampoerna clove... she signalled us to come in through the heavy gate and sit at the table on the front porch/veranda area.

it felt lived in.
it felt like one of those staple homes that everyone who has ever considered themselves a "resident" here has been to.
sat right where i was... waiting for christina to get off the phone as the motorbikes zoomed by with the buzzzzzzzz that seemed to make a dissonant harmony with the sound of amplified islamic prayers cartwheeling down the each narrow little street and corridor...
and of course the constant "MEEP-MEEP" sounding horn beep.
I swear to you... every single vehicle (moving or not) within indonesia has the EXACT same horn -- they must have a piano tuner come and adjust every horn to meet the exact same pitch - so it sounds identical to the sound the Roadrunner in Loony Tunes makes.

the meep-meep horn is used all the time for everything in indonesia...

it's a lane change indicator...
it's an "oh hi, there!"...
it's a "move out of of my way!"...
it's an "i'm behind you"...
it's an "i'm next to you"...
it's a "come here"...
it's a "get away from me"...

sometimes i think they just honk for fun.

i remember the first time i went to Bali, my friend matt george told me that every taxi will "meep-meep" when they pass a "Bule" or white person...
every
single
time

so - we sat there listening to the horns and zooms of motorbikes... and the prayers started echoing down the streets.

christina hung up her phone and sat down to light another clove, rolling her eyes.
"i'm getting the F out of here." she said... "2 months. i'm gone. forever. i have a one way ticket to greece. i don't think there is ONE mosque in greece. in the whole entire country. not one."

i couldn't help but burst into laughter.

welcome to your polar opposite, zani.

here i am... bright eyed and bushy tailed... SO optimistic... so infatuated and in LOVE with every single moment, drinking in the prayers that ring down the streets...
finding myself just staring at the bright green leaves
the way they seem brighter here.

all colors do.

i am enamored with the way the leaves seem to sweat in the heat...
and the way the light sits on them in the afternoon.

the smells.
the tastes.
the colors.
the language.
the culture.

i love it.
all of it.

"welcome to the shit hole, zani! how long are you stuck here?" christina asks me, pulling me out of my daydream i had slid off into in the last moment as a woman walked by in a burgundy burka holding a baby with skin the color of mahogany.

i snapped back to the table and told her that actually ainsley had offered to get me a seat on the plane that morning and i had declined because i wanted to explore Padang.
she looked at me like i was insane.
Brent scoffed too.
they both looked at each other and said "give it a week."

christina is on her way out.
i'm on my way in.

it kind of feels like 42nd street - when i played peggy sawyer - the little newbie and my sister lara played dorthy, the jaded starlet.

i love christina.
i am so grateful she has paved the way for a white girl to be in this part of the world.
and i am so so grateful she is my new friend that i know i can ask advice from.
she rocks.

its so interesting to see my polar opposite reflection connection... but a reflection connection none-the-less.

she pulled out a huge book and showed me how the fault lines work and where every major eathquake and tsunami has been out here each year for the last ten... and how john and ainsley's island was due... for a big one... an explosion where the coral will literally be regurgitated out of the earth and popped up onto land.


i'm not afraid.
i am aware of the danger and i know that it is a trade-off for living in paradise...

and also - i have these skills to help save people when something like that happens thanks to the UCLA E.M.T. course i just completed with Brent before i left!

Last night we went to the other homestay called "Spice" where a bunch of friends are staying... and i saw my friend Cahn who lives on the island.
He is engaged and about to have a HUGE wedding next week.
He is marrying a porcelain princess from the Mentawais.
From what he tells me, the celebration is going to be a huge event. 400+ people.
i think he might be the first westerner to ever marry into the Mentawai tribes like this.
So it's a big deal.

... we all went to dinner last night. 8 aussies and 3 americans

it was a typical shit-show

one of the aussies was Birdie (Adam) who lives on the island too. but i didn't meet him last time i was out here.

He is RAD.
we totally already have a secret hand shake and i can tell we're gonna be good buddies.
he's gonna turn me into a killer surfer and i'm gonna turn him into a yogi.
psssh.
best deal of my life.

Birdie's girlfriend lives in Padang and is named Tia!
I am obsessed with her and want to hug her every single time i see her, because not only does she have the same name as the best person i have ever known (my sister Tia)... but she has the same energy...
bright.
positive.
sunlight coming out of their eyeballs.

it made me miss my sister so much.

But i decided that Indo Tia will be my Indo sister... just another reflection connection...

amazing what will happen when you get out of LA!
Here, it is completely different with regard to meeting people, and missing people and not knowing they exist or never connecting with them face to face...

Here...
Anyone you hear about, you will meet.... soon.
Without even calling or planning it, you will just get to know absolutely everyone.

Is it because our population of westerners is so small?
or because we hang out in the same places?

or is it some kind of magic that happens, that synchronicity brings us together without any emails or calls or any of that BS we like to depend on in LA... we are just brought together like magnets somehow when we swap poles...

I am on the POLAR OPPOSITE side of the earth.
Even the aussies who are just 3-7 hrs away are coming to another world here, and may just as well be coming half way around the world too.
I feel like i am meeting someone that i was absolutely SUPPOSED to meet every single day.
Every hour it seems.

although one thing i have yet to test out after swapping poles...
is this whole "when you flush a toilet in the southern hemishere it flushes in the opposite direction." theory i have heard about for a very long time.

I wouldn't actually know, since this is what the toilets look like:

holes in the ground with a bucket of water and a pale that you scoop and pour in to "flush"

not. a. joke.




ha.














although, saying that - some places (namely, and most importantly, togat nusa retreat island) DO have flushing toilets... phewwww.

i'll find out about that whole southern hemisphere backwards spiral thing and keep you posted...

i am going to go back to my LAZY LAZY padang afternoon. nursing this hangover.

drinking with aussies = headache tomorrow.

FACT.

...case in point: mick literally just walked down the spiral staircase and said "morning!" -- it is 2:36pm.

i climbed to the top of a hill...

**************
a day that was hot and blue when i woke up. i know it's definitely 2011.
and today is tuesday i think... ya. tuesday the 8th.


i made friends with an australian guy named mick.

he's staying at bridgette's home-stay too... making his way out to the mentawais to help rebuild the villages post-tsunami for 6 months.
he's pretty much my new bff.

we made a plan to go explore padang, since everyone else is jaded and sick of it and keep referring to it as a "shit hole"...
we took off this morning and went to the little chinatown area... and found that we both kept looking up at the beautiful lush green mountain that frames padang and finally said... lets just go up there and see what happens.

so we crossed this ricketty bridge...


and started climbing up and up....


as we climbed higher and higher into the unknown... there were always twenty different possible, equally risky, equally dangerous and seemingly uncharted routes to take...
we would ask eachother "okay... which way?"
and the other would say
"well... when you have no clue where you're going there's no WRONG way!"

whoa.
how true is that?

the whole trek, i could not stop singing Local Native's "Sun Hands"
if you don't know it... get on that.



WE CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF A HILL...

the higher we got...

the more amazing it got...


the fact that we didn't even know what we were doing or where we were going made it THAT much more amazing.



THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COLORS CHASE THE SUN

THEY WRAP HER TRAIL IN A TAUNTING GESTURE

THAT SEEMS TO SING OUT LOUD



it turns out Mick is just another reflection connection dropped in my life (as per the usual these days)... he is being called to wander... and following the call... maybe us wanderluster sun-chasers have little GPS magnets inside our souls?
mick plans to stay in and around the mentawais for about 6 months (like me) and then head to india around september (like me)... PLUS his house burned down last year (a matter i am somewhat familiar with after losing TWO houses to fire in my life)... and the list of facts add up to the making of a rad friendship. and we'll be neighbors too! woo hoo!

i OF COURSE thought it was fun to wear my famous boots on our trek.



duh.


all along our climb to the top of the hill... we would come across homes and little villages. (WHAT A FREAKING COMMUTE!)... we were drenched in sweat and felt lucky to be alive... and the people who lived up here did that daily.


apparently kids go to school here for 3 hrs a day... (and of course they get a break in the middle)
MAN... what a DREAM childhood... playing in the jungle and running around free as a bird like that? i love the kids here.
they love to talk to me and use their english words.
apparently they all know the word "boots" and point and say hi and then run away.


i'm just SUCH a fan of any culture where people look at you in your eyes and say hello when you walk by...
i'm so OVER walking down a street in brentwood and CLEARLY being the only other human on the street - and having the other person look down or away or purposely not acknowledge the other person.
i like what josh says to abby when she barks at another dog... he tells her "hey abby. no need to bark. that's your friend!"

i feel like every other human here on earth is MY friend...
most of them don't know it yet.
but i feel like indonesians are much closer to seeing that then americans.

THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE MISSING


my friend and i found a bench near the top with this epic view and sat for a pretty long time... random chickens were walking around us (which made me slightly unnerved being that i am terrified of them)... but i was just so blown away by the experience of sitting on that bench on the top of a hill in Padang, West Sumatra in indonesia... literally on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD from the om home and the donna house and the westminster compound... and my parents....

and yet...

i was home.


we finally realized it was almost 3pm and we were starving, so we started to head back down towards the city... but chose to go the opposite way we have come up... just to see what happened.

we ended up walking right through a graveyard.

... just to top off the ridiculousness of the journey.

i'm now back at the homestay writing and reflecting as "come around sundown" plays on brent's speakers next to me.

i moved out of the princess room this morning to make room for brent's guest who arrived today (not yesterday... ha!)... and is gonna be hanging out until the boat is ready, which is looking like hopefully tomorrow! so i am now in a bunk in brent's room.
there was a sunburned 62 year old belgian man (with the gnarliest 2nd degree burns on his bald head i have ever seen) staying in here the last few nights, but he took off today...

we actually had an amazing conversation this morning over coffee before my adventure buddy got up.
The belgian guy started traveling the world when he was 18yrs old and has spent his entire life as a traveller and a travel agent when he needs money....
He is the epitome of a gypsy for 40+ years.

He left me with the following advice....

IT GOES BY VERY QUICKLY.
LIVE FOR TODAY.
&
TALK TO EVERYBODY.

i love him and wish him well on his travels and hope his dome heals soon without too much peeling.
blessings to you belgium man.

ahhh... the prayers just started echo-ing across the city as i wrote the word "blessings"... that must mean two things:
1. magic & spirit are with me as i write this
and
2. its that time of day... so it's gonna start pouring rain any moment.


(in case you wanted to know what "sheets of rain" look like... here it is last night.)