San Diego, California
I need to get a skin cancer scan.
I've needed to get one for about 6 months... ever since suspicious looking moles and marks started appearing on my skin in indonesia...
in the days when i bathed in sun and cuddled a monkey and told myself i didn't have a care in the world...
most of my friends (besides Beaker, the monkey) are Australian out in Indonesia. (Indonesia is their closest neighbor and a typical destination for our kangaroo koala bear kids down under)...In Australia, skin cancer is the number one killer.
The country is covered in advertisements and reminders to wear sunscreen and get regular skin cancer scans.
I think the hole in the ozone layer is near Aus, hence the powerful, harmful sun rays.
Several Aussie friends started making comments about my need for a scan when they noticed the dark spots on my skin... but of course there is nowhere to do that in the islands and then it was time for me to go to India...
The impossible quest to find a cancer scan in India went out the window when i got the plague, and fell into silent Buddhist meditations and met Aaron and spun off into song writing euphoria so on and so forth...
So now i am here in America...
and without health insurance or money.
What does one do?
I haven't ever been a full gypsy before, like i am now.
Over christmas, my older sister in all her infintie, law-school going, Supreme Court Justice working brilliance went to town exploring how to get me, an unemployed, asset-free, essentially homeless, impoverished gypsy- some health care.
So... Today was the day I would follow the scavenger hunt of clues leading from an address and a phone number Lara found...
Beginning at the Social Security Office in Oceanside.
The following is the text message exchange we shared before my phone died in the overflowing Health & Human Services Dept waiting room that i called home for FOUR and a HALF hours among crying babies and crackheads. Everyone was crawling up the walls.
(and yes... gypsies have iphones sometimes. in fact, i happened to be reading a book on Veganism called "Skinny Bitch" on my ibooks app when the battery drained out.)
Lara: I thought you got an early start
Zani: mm hmm. i did. I went to the Social Security Dept and waited for hours to find that SSI/SSP is only for disability and medi-cal is provided by the state, no the federal govermnet, so i hd to drive over here to this other place.
It's okay. I think it'll only be another hour or so. I am reading a book and remembering why I am a vegan. it's all good! :)
I got good at waiting and being patient with stuff like this after living in Indonesia and India!
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
Zani: oh man America is so fucked up. They gave me 200 dollars a month to spend on food but I'm not eligible for medi-cal and have to go to two other places and wait a month to be able to see a doctor. We wonder why Americans are fat and sick? wow.
Lara: That's crazypants! Why are you not eligable?
Zani: Because I'm not disabled, old, pregnant or a mother... they said i can apply for LIHP - a different healthcare coverage but i have to apply for unemployment first, which i absolutely will be denied for because i voluntarily quit my job.
Lara: wow.
Zani: What if i DO have skin cancer that's progressed because I can't see a doctor... And it's just getting worse and worse... But hey! i could go buy some fucking meat or kitkat bars... 200 dollars worth. HORRAY! Just what i need.
I also have to go back to the Social Security Office I was at this morning AGAIN to get a copy of my SS card for this LIHP thing.
Lara: You could go to the emergency room and lie about your name and SSN
Zani: Maybe I should.
OH! and "free clinics" aren't free by the way.
Cheaper and easier to just go to Mexico.
I should just go to Australia.
Lara: ya. this is appalling
Zani: Thanks for the food money anyways. Maybe i should just buy 200 dollars worth of eggs and throw them at something.
THEN become a nurse and treat E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E. for free!
No paper will be allowed at my clinic.
OK. Rant done. Thanks for being a sounding board.
Lara: This is terrible. I hope this will spur you into action.
___________________
Yup. Food stamps...
Piece of Cake... Literally.
But i hate to put down the food stamp thing... I know people would be really hugry and grumpy without so much food.
Though, I must say...
EVERY single person in a line of 30, snaking out the door was grossly obese.
Now, is that because shitty food is cheaper and that's all their Holy blessed food stamps can afford or is it that we VALUE food so highly - being this satisfaction obsessed, consume-consume-consume food addicted nation that we are?
It was abundantly clear to me today that EATING is more important than HEALING
and FYI America, keep eating like you do and you'll stay fat and end up needing major medical care later on.
Though good luck with that one...
I thought it was a bureaucratic pain-in-the-ass to go to the doctor or God FORBID the hospital when I was rich, employed, and fully covered.
This, today, was truly a big fat middle finger at me and my health & wellness from the Good ol' Fat Boy Committee in Washington D.C.
I'd also like to point out that the majority of my family in San Diego work in Health Insurance...
If there WAS an easier way, I think i could probably find it.
There is not.
Today I'm just a human and a proud resident of earth... I'm grateful to be in this body, sick or not.
But as an American and resident of the USA I am appalled.
______________________________
epilogue:
I read this to my father... a compassionate, rational, liberal man who I idolize, respect and love.
His reaction was not what i expected.
He got irate.
He said that by trash talking America I was talking about him, because he is a part of this nation.
He said that if i wanted to make a difference I should take a stand and participate because its a democracy...
If i hadn't been crying in that moment, full of frustration that was bubbling out from inside me, I would have laughed in his face.
Both my sisters are political activists. One for education and one for the environment. I respect them and i think they can make a change.. but the God Damn PRESIDENT of the United States tried to make a change in the health care system and got shot down.
I am pessimistic that i can do anything, besides making myself ill and raising my blood pressure and getting more and more disgusted by this corporation... oh... excuse me... i meant, COUNTRY.
"Then GO TO ANOTHER COUNTRY! Just get out of here!" my Dad said in the same tone he used when kicking me out of the house at 16 for being a disobedient trainwreck of a teenager.
"Those other countries made you sick. Go get it fixed over there!!!" he screamed at me.
I stormed out of the house and went to a hot yoga class and sweated out my rage... twisted out my fear... and let go of all the strands this whole thing has pulled up inside me.
I have done nothing wrong here.
I carry an American passport. I have paid thousands and thousands of dollars in taxes over the years.
I have never taken advantage of the system. Not once.
As an unemployed, impoverished American citizen, I explored what my country could do for me to help me, since there is a chance I could be sick.
They stuck their middle finger up at me from behind their piles and piles of paperwork and bank accounts.
And this is just me, being honest, speaking my truth and sharing my story.
I am sorry if this offends you.
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