just before dinner was brought out,
on a particularly stormy, windy, low lit evening in the driftwood castle at Togat Nusa Retreat...
our guests were lounging, engaged in conversation in each of the corners of the Uma as mellow-vibe music played off my "bliss" mix combining a bunch of venice lover people including pan am, mowgli's, brett dennen, peter moon & stevie starlight
Beaker, the monkey was hanging out... checking if anyone left a little beer at the bottom of their can so she could dump it out on the table and sip it up as she does.
She cruised around the room, crawling in and out of everyone's conversation and snuggling up underneath my sweatshirt, nuzzling into my chest and making little suckling noises.
(you might think that is weird, i just realized. its not... its adorable and endearing.
she got bored with my boobs and decided to crawl up towards the ceiling as she does... (it's like she's a monkey or something)
and all of a sudden she started freaking out!
screaming and pointing and jumping up and down shrieking and looking at something we couldn't see.
john e. jumped up and knew she was telling us something gnarly was there.
a giant (and i mean GIANT) centipede crawled its way out into the light and everyone gasped a little a took a step or two back.
Literally 12 hours ago i said the words "i have never seen a centipede."
and then there is Beaker screaming "LOOK! LOOK! the universe sent you one to see. Now stay the F away! They hurt worse then scorpions and will make you sick as a dog!"
But-- how did she know?
i wondered...
This baby monkey who is less then a year old and sleeps in a monkey palace at a resort and eats off a spoon... literally.
How did she know?
had she been bit before?
or was it just an animalistic instinct?
This all made me thing about human relationships.
one of my best guy friends has a girlfriend who is a goddess.
she is so talented and brilliant and i feel like i have gotten particularly close to her over the course of their relationship.
i found out that he cheats on her... all the time.
i have been here before...
this really shitty position of wondering if i have more of an obligation and loyalty to my cheating guy friend, or to the woman he has committed himself to.
but more so... a commitment to honesty.
... to the goddess.
... to the community.
i hadn't thought about it this way before until my friend Tawney is her wisdom read me an email she wrote to one of these cheating guy friends of ours that i love and want to slap all at once.
in her letter she pointed out the word "community"... she read it as "communication in unity"... she saw it as our obligation to keep clarity and a standard of truth and trust among these people who choose to live with and exist side by side with.
this blew my mind, as Tawney is a pro at doing- with the selfless, loving way she views everything, including a car accident that left her body smashed up, but her spirit glittering and bubbling over with positivity as always.
(this is how we roll. :) tawnski made this one night before i left to move out here. beautiful times with a beautiful goddess.)
Anyway... the thing that she pointed out to me in this instance was what it does to the woman who in her gut knows and feels that her partner is cheating on her, but continually has to tell her intuition to be quiet so she's not "that girl"...
because, lets face it... every women on earth is in tune with some amount of feminine divine psychic perception. i believe this to be fact.
when our sisters hear their gut telling them truths...
and their man denies it...
and they are forced to believe that their gut was wrong all along...
we are teaching our inner goddess to shut up.
we are telling this wisdom from within that it is inherently wrong?
we are systematically killing our divine guidance because we are trusting the lies that are told to us.
this hurts me more then anything and so i have to be honest and let the truth be told.
it makes me wonder if tonight Beaker was having that reaction to this gnarly animal that bites hard and poisons its victim, because she had been through it before...
or if it was just instinct. she saw this thing with a hundred legs all crawling and clawing out in a violent way... and knew that it was bad news.
it makes me believe that we know when a person walks into a room...
enters into your life and they "rub you the wrong way"
or you get a "bad feeling" about them...
i can't help but believe that these feelings are not to be ignored.
many of us have taught ourselves to turn down the volume on our intuition, but i think there is no greater guide or early warning system then our own spirits.
Go ahead and call it coincidence if you want.
It's totally fine, you won't offend me.
I will just hear the word "coincidence" as a euphemism for "magic"
---------
This morning (the next day) - i had to go to Tua Pajet early in the morning to meet guests (who weren't even there in the end because the ambu ambu ferry had to turn around and go back to Padang last night because of the big bad Badai 'storm')
We didn't realize at the time... which was that golden sunrise hour... that we were heading for nowhere.
Birdie and I sat on a seat in the middle of the boat, still half asleep as we bounced across the choppy waves, but managed to stay dry in the middle.
I looked up at the sky and saw these beautiful puffy clouds backlit by that golden sunrise light. It made that glittery gold outline around the cloud as though aladdin's cartoon treasure chest of gold bars was twinkling just on the other side of that gray cloud.
I turned to Birdie and said "i think that's a message... reminding us that we just have to get past the dark clouds and fortune is on the other side. Our reward for weathering the storm ahead."
I told Birdie about the centipede last night... and about how i had JUST had a conversation about the dangers of centipedes and i said i had never seen one only to be shown one. Like it was sent for me to see.
I told him too, about how i had been googling current events and earthquakes in indoensia the night before the earthquake hit.
i said "it seems all we have to do is THINK something and it presents itself to us. Things are so clear. So immediate 'cause-and-effect'... 'ask and ya shall receive' out here...
I told my friend Jessie about Indonesia in an email the other day. Instead of painting the picture of paradise as i always do... i gave her a broader picture of life over here. I said
"in Indonesia things are very tough, rough, raw, cause-and-effect immediacy.
third world countries aren't so bogged down with floaty life vests and fluffy buffers.
you fall- there is no safety net.
you get hurt or die.
consequence is clear and reward is instant. things are exactly what they are."
The last few days have been such clear illustrations of this somehow.
I shared this all with my skeptical friend sitting next to me on the boat, looking at me with eyes that said 'uhh. ya. you are pretty much the most "out there" hippie cray cray in the world... but i guess, zan. '
Moments later we both saw the most incredible art i've ever seen.
The entire sky was taken up by this GIGANTIC elephant.
it was unmistakable, and we both saw it as clear as day without even having to point out where were seeing the eye, the ear, the trunk lifted up towards the heavens (a sign of good luck)... and all four feet walking, dancing... the front feet up higher then the back.. like it was galloping towards God.
I don't know what this means, but i really think it was some super duper message... i had just been talking about the signs and omens in the sky and there was this huge elephant with its trunk up. crystal clear.
We both sat there quiet for a few moments as the boat continued around the bend towards the town, and then a giant eagles came swooping down over our boat.
I remembered when we were out surfing one day about a month ago and Birdie told me about these eagles who had nested on the island and finally were big enough to fly away.
He said he'd been watching them practice flying a little further away each day, always coming back to the jungle... but he saw one leave the other day and he said he thought it was finally ready to go away for good. (or at least out on an adventure... though it's hOMe will always be the palm trees on our island).
Birdie (the person) is flying away next week.
...Leaving to move to Switzerland and then off on an adventure called "life"...
I think he will find his way back to this jungle one day, but he is ready to fly away for a while.
As we were walking around Tua Pajet this morning getting shopping for the island, i saw the same bird again fly over us, but this time there were two eagles.... and they swooped in and out crossing and then flying away and then crossing again... as though they were dancing with eachother... drawing a DNA helix shape through the sky as they wove past each other.
It made me remember not to hold on & grab tight those we love, but rather set them free... encourage them to glide and soar and then dance the dance of life as we continue to find each other again and again on this path... trusting that we'll always find our way hOMe one day.
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