One stamp.

I got a new passport.

It was such an emotional thing for me to surrender the big fat, weathered and worn booklet that holds the proof of my adventures.  The many extra pages stapled in to my faded blue American passport holds 62 stamps and countless stories.  Sometimes my stories are so surreal and fantastical I have to step back and do little fact check on myself - make sure that I'm not exaggerating or allowing my dreams to sneak their way into my memory bank.

Leonard Cohen wrote a song called "Alexandra Leaving"... The name printed on my passport is "Alexandra" and ironically, passports are all about leaving.  Stepping off and swan diving into uncertainty.  The song has a line that always speaks to me...
He says:

"Even though he sleeps upon your satin.  Even though he wakes you with a kiss. Do not say the moment was imagined. Do not stoop to strategies like this."

I can't tell you how many times I really and truly start thinking that I must have imagined the worlds I've experienced and danced between in my life.  I'm not sure if I'll ever get back to those worlds again and the further away I get, the less I believe any of it really happened... Sort of like how the further you move away from childhood, the magic that was so tangible as a kid disappears and becomes something you scoff at the legitimacy of as an adult.

And then I hear old Lenny "Do not say the moment was imagined. Do not stoop to strategies like this."
Easy strategy.  Just end the story with "and then I woke up"...

I'm taking a philosophy class right now and it really bends and twists and messes with my mind.  The kids I nanny are obsessed with quantum mechanics and physics.  Everywhere I look I see these huge questions about HOW and WHY and WHAT all this "reality" really is.
Then I flip through my passport and remember what it's about for me.
It's about going everywhere and experiencing everything... and then maybe after I've covered the whole of this vast and beautiful planet and explored every religion... every community and civilization...  walked a mile in every pair of shoes out there... maybe then I'll have an answer for my philosophy teacher and be able to explain what it's all about. Until then - I'm just gonna keep on truckin.

(p.s. my computer just crashed after I wrote that... maybe that was a sign from the universe- reminding me to remind you what life is NOT about.  I really don't think the meaning of life is sitting in front of a computer or staring down at your iPhone all day long attached to instagram and twitter... living life virtually instead of ya know... the real way.)

So I got a new passport and watched the expiration date I've written on SO many customs forms, arrive and then pass me by.

...and this new, hard, stiff empty paged thing came in the mail and then sat on the shelf at the foot of my bed and stared at me.

I hadn't been out of the country in OVER a year (definitely the longest amount of time in my adult life. No joke) I've had an epic adventure to Hawaii and visited Seattle twice and San Fran once and I go up to LA at least once a month - sometimes as many as three times a month... But i hadn't needed to use my passport and it was starting to bug me... until I opened my mailbox one afternoon and had received TWO invitations to destination weddings!
Cabo in October and Barbados the following June. And about a week later the family I nanny for invited me to join them on an epic adventure to Dubai, India & the Maldives for Christmas/NYE.
Off i went... booking flights and feeling the blood rush back into my face.

Before I could even blink, I was at the airport sipping 9:30am margaritas with my Dad en route to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  (time flies faster than any other time when you're in school. maybe it's cuz all I/we do as students is will the time to pass!)

We arrived in Cabo and found that somehow we had the EPIC room that opened out onto bliss perfection. Seriously - walk out the glass slider and you're here.  My parents fell asleep every night on the patio chairs listening to the sounds of the waves.

I must say - the hotel was AMAZING in every way and we definitely want to go back as a family.

I had time to run down to that little bay and dive into the  warm clear water before we had to jump on a yacht for a sunset booze cruise with my whole extended family and the bride and groom.  (my cousin Ev and his drop dead gorgeous amazing wife Katya). We cruised around the water passing amazing rocks and coves that I was just dying to go explore.


As the sun descended into the water for the night, the lights on the shore started to twinkle back at me.

HUGE hotels were stacked on next to the other... night clubs and restaurants... everything set up for tourism.

I wondered what it would be like for people who grew up in Cabo and remember when there was nothing there but a little fishing village and now look at what has been built and created. Crazy, right?

The next morning I got a chance to talk to someone who had experienced just that! (And practice my spanish, since I had a Spanish midterm the day I got back from Mex)

 My cousin's daughter Chloe (with the sombrero on) really really really wanted to go horseback riding on the beach and needed someone to go with her so I went along and it was awesome.

I spoke the entire time to Ernesto a born and raised Cabo man who watched his town become the tourist destination that it is today.

I imagine I will experience this to the tenth power when I visit Dubai in December. I am actually fascinated by Dubai and the brilliant business move to turn it into the most incredible tourist destination on earth so that when the oil dries up, they will still have an economy.

As soon as we got back from horseback riding, I sat with my uncle Steve, cousin Rocky and other cousin Britta and just soaked up the Mexico vibes before getting a massage on the sand right next to the perfect lapping waves. Seriously the most heavenly day.

That afternoon I got to attend my first beach wedding, which is incredible when you think about the kind of company I keep as a mermaid! It was perfect in every way and concluded with dancing so much we had to all jump into the pool to cool off.  

The next day I lay by the pool with my cousins and just blissed out in the sunlight... soaking in the Mexican vibe - the smell - the way the sun beats down with it's mariachi tempo somehow....

And then...

I was home.

One stamp in my passport.

A smile just spread across my face as I wrote that... I guess I just see it as the beginning of the second coming.  The love ninja returns....

:)

I still have a few more years left of nursing school before I can really go FULL love ninja mermaid nurse - traveling around the world, falling in love with everybody... AND being able to fix them when they're sick and broken!

What could be better?

But one stamp at a time I am coming back into myself and out of the funk I've been stewing in for the last year... and finally it feels really good!