update from the island...

Tom Petty "Free Fallin" comes cruising through the speakers as gold light pours across the room.

Another epic 6pm on Pitojet Island.

Yona, the bartendress and native Mentawai Goddess from Siberut said the other day while motioning to the traditional style Uma/Driftwood Castle I'm sitting in right now, that she loved to work here because it felt like she was hOMe…

She was in Tua Pajet, the port town here in Northern Sipura and I was watching the bar - meaning curled up with the monkey, Beaker on the daybed sipping green tea and reading a book but present just in case people off the charter boats that were anchored out front decided to come in for beers.

The last group - our Swiss guests left yesterday and we have a few days of just family time to play and relax here - time for housekeeping, accounting and creative building projects.

JohnE is sitting cross-legged on the hardwood floorboards digging into one that has some decay of some sort - patching it in the coolest way - digging out the old wood and putting in a lighter wood piece designed like a wave…

The sparkling late afternoon light from the setting sun is almost red… Like really really healthy shiny auburn colored hair being flipped to the side in a Pantene ProV Commercial - catching the artificial light in the studio just right… only this is the real, natural, organic and unrehearsed lightshow that comes in every night at this time.

If my eyes follow the light out to the horizon its another unbelievable demonstration of God or some super artistic spirit force out there that has finger painted across the sky as myriad of pastel colors and swirly clouds that I've never seen fully captured in a painting or a photograph…
Only being here and looking at this in real life can you fully appreciate and understand what i am trying to describe.

My lungs breathe in this warm, tropical humid evening air and i feel okay.

It's been a pretty emotional time for me as of late… lots of stuff i won't bore you with… Nobody wants to hear whining and complaining from the girl who is sitting in paradise, being held by the little black hands of a monkey and listening to classic rock as the sun sets over silky crystal blue water.

I'll tell you one thing… I definitely know how to run away from things.
Sometimes i feel like a totally agile, quick little cat that can wiggle out of a situation, land on my feet and bolt as far as i can.

Yesterday was a rainy day.

Matt, the surf guide and I had a plan to build something so we walked around the island under the misty, sprinkle grey skies until i lost motivation and gave up - leaving it to him to create a porch swing at our house out of rope found washed up on the drop off and some driftwood pieces.

Back in the Uma, I gave Ainsley a massage and then ended up getting a foot massage from her and letting some tears roll down my cheeks as the raindrops trickled down the palm roof.

Today was sunnier - emotionally and physically…

I woke up in a guest bungalow that i got to play house in and practiced yoga looking out at the breaking waves… surfers sliding down the walls of blue - something i have all but given up on and surrendered to.

After the golden light faded and JohnE brought out a lamp to continue working under, a cheshire cat smile moon that looked like a fingernail hung low in the sky among a million and a half stars.

I sat by the bonfire pit and looked at my phone that showed May 24, 2012…

For some reason i thought of being in high school and how May 24th was a date that meant the year would be ending soon - it would mean that i was about to become an adult.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up. I will be here in Indonesia and already told them that but i still get the Facebook fluff every day about the overpriced party to commemorate graduating from a school that i didn't even end up graduating from. I guess its nice that I'm invited anyways.

Kind of crazy though… Ten years. A DECADE!

Ten years ago today - on May 24, 2002 - I was 18 years old and thought i had figured it all out- I was finishing high school at a Palisades continuation night school and going to UCLA extension to fulfill an early childhood education credential so i could be an official assistant teacher at Kehillat Israel ECC. I was living and acting like more of an "adult" then, then i am today.

the next year on that day (May 24, 2003)  - at 19, I was in Cheltenham, England with my new British boyfriend whom I had met on the streets of Venice Beach and started dating while he recorded with his band. Unable to live without him i had packed up my life, left my job at the preschool and chased him to the UK - arriving the day before his brother's wedding. I had been accepted to UC Santa Cruz in the fall and had every intention of starting school - I even had my housing and signed up for classes from at internet cafe in Greece the following month when we were on our couples getaway to the lost island of Atlantis… basking on red sand beaches.

the next year (2004) at age 20, Jamie and I were legally married and living in our first LA apartment - I was teaching preschool again - and had given up on the UC Santa Cruz idea… I had pulled the plug at the last minute when he said he would come live with me in LA and wanted to start a life together.

the next year (2005) at 21, I was still teaching preschool, practicing yoga regularly with Vinnie Marino and planning my big white wedding that would take place in July of that year. We had moved into my parent's guesthouse for a while and then found our little melrose place apartment on 3rd street in Santa Monica. I was so happy this year.

the next May 24th (2006) at age 22, we were living in a little shoe box apartment in Notting Hill, London… spending our wedding money on life and living it fully - running through Hyde Park while the daffodils popped up in the spring daylight. I was waking up every morning at 5:30am and walking over to the Life Centre to practice Ashtanga Yoga

the next year (2007) at age 23, we were in the midst of realizing that moving to London was a mistake according to the Department of Homeland Security and a violation of Jamie's green card… so we were going to have to move back to LA and figure out life there. It was a dramatic crazy time - but we got through it and came out closer then ever.

the next year (2008) at age 24 I had completed my yoga teacher training in LA and met Susan Nichols, the creator of yogitoes, inc. who had invited me to come and work for her… We were living in the best apartment yet on Bay street in Venice/Santa Monica area and I was teaching yoga to private clients and loving my work at yogitoes that I could ride my bike to… I barely drove except to cruise up to Malibu in my blue convertible blasting Kings Of Leon or Tom Petty out the open roof.

the next year (2009) at 25, i was still living in the same spot and working with the same clients. I was now the Art DIrector and had just gone to Lightning in a Bottle festival in Santa Barbara… making my plans to go to Burning Man for the first time. A major spiritual evolution started happening to me around this time. The ground was moving underneath me to the beat of dub step and Kirtan chanting.

the next year (2010) at 26, Jamie and I were separated.. I was still living in the same apartment but he had moved out. The apartment had become more like a flop house for my friends - i think 12 people had keys. Mikey was living with me most of the time as we planned the Collective CA's first Manifestival… on May 24th i was just days away from embarking on a Goddess Adventure with my girlfriend Erin where we would go to Indonesia by way of Japan together for about a month. Mikey and The Mowgli's held down the fort at my apartment and would subsequentally get me evicted while i was away - the universe was already conspiring for us to all live together in the OM hOMe upon my return.

the next year (2011) at 27, I had left our Venice house, quit my job and moved to the Mentawai Islands, Indonesia to work as a yoga instructor and masseuse at Togat Nusa Retreat. On May 24th i had taken a little break and was in Bali on a surf adventure with a friend from high school named Russell…

the next year is today - May 24, 2012 - I am wearing the silk pants I bought in India last year and cuddling a sleeping monkey that I have loved like a little sister for over a year. I have been all over Southeast Asia and Europe, watched the man burn twice, been married, divorced, and transformed over and over and over again

Ten years - gone by in the blink of an eye….

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May 26, 2012

I paddled out with JohnE today… facing this irrational anxiety I have with surfing now a days.
It seemed to intensify the longer i spent out of the water.

I felt so happy today.

I realized that there are a lot of things i am searching for clarity on… and maybe thats why i dreamed that I cut off all of my many many bracelets…

i have been wearing the same bracelets and necklaces for years. When one falls off i just let it go - but there is always about 20 more… everyone buys me bracelets and i always buy them on adventures around the world.

I dreamed i cut them off and then once i came in from the surf i decided i would go ahead and do just that.

So i am naked now.
More naked then i have been in a long long time.

I have been reading a page out of the Tao Te Ching every day  - just flipping to one at random and getting some good guidance.




Right now is all about clarity and bravery…  putting sunscreen on these crazy white strips on my wrists... and remembering that i am here in paradise and that's pretty amazing.