OPTing for OPTimism

OPTing for OPTimism!

Last season I left a few things behind here at Togat Nusa when I left and skipped off to India, one thing i left behind was a brown leather pouch containing my tarot cards.

The Tarot is interesting to me because of how people react to pulling cards and getting readings.
I personally don't see it as fortune telling or magic necessarily… No, i see it as pulling a word of intention for the day - something to be aware of… It's more of an awareness practice for me.
I like to look at myself and my tendencies within the framework of whatever that card reads.
Anyway - some people love it… some hate it. I think it's really cool.

SO the last few days I have been sleeping in a guest bungalow (amaaaaaazing special treat since there are no guests here)…

Each morning after the sun starts to come up and spill light across the driftwood dream hut, I roll out of bed, chug some water, pull a tarot card and then find my way to child's pose and start my morning asana practice.

While i kneel there on the mat, my third eye pressed to the earth, I think about that card and just focus on opening my mind and heart to that - accepting it, exploring it and setting an intention to just be aware of that energy throughout the day.


Three days ago I chose "rejection" and realized as I was falling asleep that night that I had rejected the security blanket of my millions of bangle bracelets and necklaces that i never take off - cutting them off in response to a dream I had where i did just that. Then i rejected my anxiety about surfing and paddled out. And throughout the day I was rejecting negative, destructive thoughts that have become a habit of creeping in.

The next day I chose "knowledge" and found myself sitting with Matt, the surf guide, studying math (the bane of my existence) to review and brush up before i have to take a math placement test so i can fulfill a requirement for nursing school.  Then I received an email from my soul brother Joshie in LA who I had been emailing back and forth with. We love a book called "Das Energi" - its one of those books where you just open to any page and BAM you get some wisdom. So I told him to pick a page and send me what it said.
The page he opened to said one word.
"knowledge."

It floored me for a moment and then i just smiled and shook my head, knowing that this was not coincidence. There really are messages from the universe all around us.

I got an email from one of my dearest mirror reflection sisters, Liz who has just finished a 2 month adventure in India and is now back in Australia. She recently split from her fiancé who lives out here in the Mentawais and runs a charter boat, like Shayne.

We talked for a long time about where we were at emotionally and although she was dealing with much more challenging things then i was, it was her who was imparting wisdom and providing solace for me somehow.
She is such a divine, amazing creature - oozing with wisdom and inspiring energy… Plus, she's also a writer so she speaks straight to my soul in such a fabulous way. - read her blog - www.365daysinbliss.wordpress.com

I was telling her about my indecision and vacillation in various avenues of my life… "i'm struggling to use good judgement and keep hoping some wisdom will come down from the clouds and tell me what to do." I told her.

"and if it does, would you listen to it?" she asked me

i thought about it for a minute and then started laughing realizing that no. I would probably question it! It would be using good judgement to listen to wise words from an angel… Chances are I wouldn't listen to it at all.

"Exactly! but sages are hidden everywhere...  Go pick up a book, any book, ask it the question and open a page. Even if it is Harry Potter, it will tell you what you need to know because the "I" knows the answer, the "I" is never confused and poor confused Zani will see the answer that the INNER guru wants her to see and then she will understand what to do"

This is EXACTLY what Joshie and I do with Das Energi - something i had been reminded of just the day before.

Facebook let me know just then that my little sister (who i admire more then most people on earth) posted this little nugget of wisdom

“Optimism is the belief that good things will happen to you and that negative events are temporary setbacks to be overcome.”
 - it came from this NY Times article that i absolutely LOVE….
 http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/21/a-richer-life-by-seeing-the-glass-half-full/

My whole energy shifted upon reading that article.

I am an OPTIMIST! I am genetically predisposed to optimism! I am the daughter and sister of optimists… high vibrational beings have been surrounding me my entire life.
It's not by accident that I see the glass half full… hell, I see it as an overflowing smaller cup just relocated to a bigger cup, like transplanting plants to bigger pots.

I went out in the garden and helped Yona and the girls plant some red hibiscus plants around the island, and when JohnE came by and called me a "girly girl" i huffed off and grabbed a surfboard and paddled out into waves alone to prove (to myself more then anything) that i was brave and strong. It was a pretty hopeless endeavor but made me feel good nonetheless.

That night it was just JohnE and I since Ainsley, Miwa & Matt were in Padang and we didn't have guests.

JohnE and I are good friends and I feel like I can talk to him about anything which is really cool. Last year we went to India together and I cherish the bits of wisdom he would lay down here and there on our journey.  "The Surfers Journal, a big surf magazine wrote an article on him & Ainz last year and said "he speaks quietly, and not very much, but when he does, it's always worth listening to."
This is so spot on.

I mentioned that I had taken two semesters of sculpture in community college about 9 years ago and he told me that I  should sculpt a buddha out of wood for the island. I got so excited my eyes lit up! An art project!!
Then we sat over dinner and talked about relationships, judgement and making good choices. Not that the conversation lasted that long, but it gave me just enough material to marinate on and think about as I returned to the bungalow.

I logged online and saw a Facebook post from my friend, Anne Van De Water.
http://vibrationtransformation.com/index.html
Okay - let me first tell you that I am in AWE of this woman.
She is the embodiment of what i aspire to be. She walks around the planet radiating LOVE LIGHT BLISS - it is like her mantra and she is the real deal.
She's a yoga instructor and vibrational healer and spirit guide who lives in Santa Barbara. I met her a few years back through Susan, the creator of yogitoes - the company i was the Art Director at for years in Venice Beach.
Susan is another one of these really miracle women who attracts gorgeous, authentic light workers and optimists of the most divine kind.

Anne wrote on Facebook

"I have officially made it through one week of the Positivity Practice and have not uttered a word of:

*Criticism
*Complaining
*Gossip
*Bitching
*Negative language

I feel amazing :))

This is what I have realized...

I have been doing my best to live this way for awhile now.

Ho'o'ponopono (The on-going practice of sending the blessings of I LOVE YOU * I AM SORRY * PLEASE FORGIVE ME * THANK YOU to myself and others) is what helped get me here.

Once you feel the ease, grace and countless blessings of living in the high vibration of Love, Forgiveness, Humility and Gratitude, it's just not worth it to give it all up to complain about some temporary happening and I definitely think twice now before I do so now :))

I am deeply and truly devoted to speaking in the Sacred Language of LOVELIGHTBLISS ♥"
……..

I watched Anne's video on her website http://vimeo.com/35682865 before bed and felt this overwhelming sense of excitement and rebirth of something inside me… Maybe its the sleeping optimist inside me that has somehow lost her way…
Well she was waking up as i was falling asleep, reciting the words in my head

"i realized some fundamental truths - the way you treat yourself is how the world treats you - and the way you see yourself is the way the world sees you… we have to be the living embodiment of our mission…  your mission has to permeate every fiber of your being."

i love this video. i could watch it a million times.

I fell asleep smiling.

around 3am I woke up to one of the brightest flashes of lightning i've ever seen and a clap of thunder that simultaneously ROARED  with such ferocity, the walls and windows of the bungalow shook.
Although, of course, i was startled (to say the least) I refused to dip into fear and panic.

The center of my chest was vibrating like it had been electrocuted.
Could I have gotten contact high from a really really close lightning bolt?
JohnE has been struck twice by lightning on this island - once so hard that he was knocked out blind and deaf for a period of time.
I know that often people who have been struck once, somehow become magnets and get struck over and over again - I'm not totally sure what thats about… but it did make me wonder if he was okay - just a few bungalows down… I stopped myself from even going into that kind of thinking and instead just rose above it and used that electric vibration in the center of my chest and sent it out surrounding the whole island in love and safety.

What was this buzzing in my heart? Was this simply from "transforming my vibration" as Anne would say, before i went to bed? Or did i really pick up a current from the electrical storm that was flashing and crashing around me?

The sound of pounding rain put me back to sleep.

I woke up around 7am and went through my routine - tarot card - childs pose.

The card I pulled this morning was "the star" ---- This card is about following your own star, living your life with a sense of purpose, and finding meaning and inspiration. You may have unexpected assistance as you pursue your dream. Remember to be true to yourself, commit yourself to your sense of purpose, and things will work out better than you anticipated.

if this wasn't completely on par with what i fell asleep thinking and talking about,  i don't know what is.

I sat on the floor for a long time thinking about my mission.
What IS my mission?

I first thought about the "Bodhisattva Vows" I accidentally (or maybe not so accidentally) took with the Dalai Lama at his temple in Dharmashala, India.
JohnE took them too. We kneeled side by side and recited the vows in Tibetan with red ribbons draped across our foreheads.

the vows of a Bodhisattva, I learned later on while at Tushita Meditation retreat  - are essentially to end the suffering of every sentient being on earth. No easy task… but lets be real - when have i EVER taken the easy road?

I'm up for the challenge.

I think that my personal mission is to help heal the world… To live my yoga, walk my truth, embody what I teach & believe...
To study nursing and alternative medicines like the Gerson Therapy… and help bring some ease back to those who are diseased and suffering.
To create optimistic/positive thoughts
and release negative.destructive thoughts...
To make art - sculpt, paint, draw, write, sing, CREATE and share it with the world...
and to FORGIVE & LET GO

i LOVE this mission.

After my practice, i combed the beach for little orange shells while a dragonfly skirted around me, chasing me up and down the beach as if he was giving me a message of some sort. I chose orange because it is a sacred color in many religions… I think of sages, babas, and spiritual leaders that i have met who have been caped in draping orange robes.

I made this Bodhi tree out of the orange shells.

I'm not sure why or what i am going to do with this idea, but it felt like the right thing to do and it made me smile.

I believe that good things will happen to me and that negative events are temporary setbacks to be overcome!

OPTIMISM RULES!

update from the island...

Tom Petty "Free Fallin" comes cruising through the speakers as gold light pours across the room.

Another epic 6pm on Pitojet Island.

Yona, the bartendress and native Mentawai Goddess from Siberut said the other day while motioning to the traditional style Uma/Driftwood Castle I'm sitting in right now, that she loved to work here because it felt like she was hOMe…

She was in Tua Pajet, the port town here in Northern Sipura and I was watching the bar - meaning curled up with the monkey, Beaker on the daybed sipping green tea and reading a book but present just in case people off the charter boats that were anchored out front decided to come in for beers.

The last group - our Swiss guests left yesterday and we have a few days of just family time to play and relax here - time for housekeeping, accounting and creative building projects.

JohnE is sitting cross-legged on the hardwood floorboards digging into one that has some decay of some sort - patching it in the coolest way - digging out the old wood and putting in a lighter wood piece designed like a wave…

The sparkling late afternoon light from the setting sun is almost red… Like really really healthy shiny auburn colored hair being flipped to the side in a Pantene ProV Commercial - catching the artificial light in the studio just right… only this is the real, natural, organic and unrehearsed lightshow that comes in every night at this time.

If my eyes follow the light out to the horizon its another unbelievable demonstration of God or some super artistic spirit force out there that has finger painted across the sky as myriad of pastel colors and swirly clouds that I've never seen fully captured in a painting or a photograph…
Only being here and looking at this in real life can you fully appreciate and understand what i am trying to describe.

My lungs breathe in this warm, tropical humid evening air and i feel okay.

It's been a pretty emotional time for me as of late… lots of stuff i won't bore you with… Nobody wants to hear whining and complaining from the girl who is sitting in paradise, being held by the little black hands of a monkey and listening to classic rock as the sun sets over silky crystal blue water.

I'll tell you one thing… I definitely know how to run away from things.
Sometimes i feel like a totally agile, quick little cat that can wiggle out of a situation, land on my feet and bolt as far as i can.

Yesterday was a rainy day.

Matt, the surf guide and I had a plan to build something so we walked around the island under the misty, sprinkle grey skies until i lost motivation and gave up - leaving it to him to create a porch swing at our house out of rope found washed up on the drop off and some driftwood pieces.

Back in the Uma, I gave Ainsley a massage and then ended up getting a foot massage from her and letting some tears roll down my cheeks as the raindrops trickled down the palm roof.

Today was sunnier - emotionally and physically…

I woke up in a guest bungalow that i got to play house in and practiced yoga looking out at the breaking waves… surfers sliding down the walls of blue - something i have all but given up on and surrendered to.

After the golden light faded and JohnE brought out a lamp to continue working under, a cheshire cat smile moon that looked like a fingernail hung low in the sky among a million and a half stars.

I sat by the bonfire pit and looked at my phone that showed May 24, 2012…

For some reason i thought of being in high school and how May 24th was a date that meant the year would be ending soon - it would mean that i was about to become an adult.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up. I will be here in Indonesia and already told them that but i still get the Facebook fluff every day about the overpriced party to commemorate graduating from a school that i didn't even end up graduating from. I guess its nice that I'm invited anyways.

Kind of crazy though… Ten years. A DECADE!

Ten years ago today - on May 24, 2002 - I was 18 years old and thought i had figured it all out- I was finishing high school at a Palisades continuation night school and going to UCLA extension to fulfill an early childhood education credential so i could be an official assistant teacher at Kehillat Israel ECC. I was living and acting like more of an "adult" then, then i am today.

the next year on that day (May 24, 2003)  - at 19, I was in Cheltenham, England with my new British boyfriend whom I had met on the streets of Venice Beach and started dating while he recorded with his band. Unable to live without him i had packed up my life, left my job at the preschool and chased him to the UK - arriving the day before his brother's wedding. I had been accepted to UC Santa Cruz in the fall and had every intention of starting school - I even had my housing and signed up for classes from at internet cafe in Greece the following month when we were on our couples getaway to the lost island of Atlantis… basking on red sand beaches.

the next year (2004) at age 20, Jamie and I were legally married and living in our first LA apartment - I was teaching preschool again - and had given up on the UC Santa Cruz idea… I had pulled the plug at the last minute when he said he would come live with me in LA and wanted to start a life together.

the next year (2005) at 21, I was still teaching preschool, practicing yoga regularly with Vinnie Marino and planning my big white wedding that would take place in July of that year. We had moved into my parent's guesthouse for a while and then found our little melrose place apartment on 3rd street in Santa Monica. I was so happy this year.

the next May 24th (2006) at age 22, we were living in a little shoe box apartment in Notting Hill, London… spending our wedding money on life and living it fully - running through Hyde Park while the daffodils popped up in the spring daylight. I was waking up every morning at 5:30am and walking over to the Life Centre to practice Ashtanga Yoga

the next year (2007) at age 23, we were in the midst of realizing that moving to London was a mistake according to the Department of Homeland Security and a violation of Jamie's green card… so we were going to have to move back to LA and figure out life there. It was a dramatic crazy time - but we got through it and came out closer then ever.

the next year (2008) at age 24 I had completed my yoga teacher training in LA and met Susan Nichols, the creator of yogitoes, inc. who had invited me to come and work for her… We were living in the best apartment yet on Bay street in Venice/Santa Monica area and I was teaching yoga to private clients and loving my work at yogitoes that I could ride my bike to… I barely drove except to cruise up to Malibu in my blue convertible blasting Kings Of Leon or Tom Petty out the open roof.

the next year (2009) at 25, i was still living in the same spot and working with the same clients. I was now the Art DIrector and had just gone to Lightning in a Bottle festival in Santa Barbara… making my plans to go to Burning Man for the first time. A major spiritual evolution started happening to me around this time. The ground was moving underneath me to the beat of dub step and Kirtan chanting.

the next year (2010) at 26, Jamie and I were separated.. I was still living in the same apartment but he had moved out. The apartment had become more like a flop house for my friends - i think 12 people had keys. Mikey was living with me most of the time as we planned the Collective CA's first Manifestival… on May 24th i was just days away from embarking on a Goddess Adventure with my girlfriend Erin where we would go to Indonesia by way of Japan together for about a month. Mikey and The Mowgli's held down the fort at my apartment and would subsequentally get me evicted while i was away - the universe was already conspiring for us to all live together in the OM hOMe upon my return.

the next year (2011) at 27, I had left our Venice house, quit my job and moved to the Mentawai Islands, Indonesia to work as a yoga instructor and masseuse at Togat Nusa Retreat. On May 24th i had taken a little break and was in Bali on a surf adventure with a friend from high school named Russell…

the next year is today - May 24, 2012 - I am wearing the silk pants I bought in India last year and cuddling a sleeping monkey that I have loved like a little sister for over a year. I have been all over Southeast Asia and Europe, watched the man burn twice, been married, divorced, and transformed over and over and over again

Ten years - gone by in the blink of an eye….

------

May 26, 2012

I paddled out with JohnE today… facing this irrational anxiety I have with surfing now a days.
It seemed to intensify the longer i spent out of the water.

I felt so happy today.

I realized that there are a lot of things i am searching for clarity on… and maybe thats why i dreamed that I cut off all of my many many bracelets…

i have been wearing the same bracelets and necklaces for years. When one falls off i just let it go - but there is always about 20 more… everyone buys me bracelets and i always buy them on adventures around the world.

I dreamed i cut them off and then once i came in from the surf i decided i would go ahead and do just that.

So i am naked now.
More naked then i have been in a long long time.

I have been reading a page out of the Tao Te Ching every day  - just flipping to one at random and getting some good guidance.




Right now is all about clarity and bravery…  putting sunscreen on these crazy white strips on my wrists... and remembering that i am here in paradise and that's pretty amazing.

Orangutan Adventure in Bukit Lawang

Check out the piece I wrote on my orangutan adventure in Bukit Lawang, Indonesia...
Written for Live Like You're On Vacation - www.llyov.org

click here: http://llyov.org/1329

little video of them:

Today in Paradise...

Today in Paradise…

May the somethingth, 2012 (time barely exists here and really doesn't matter much as far as i'm concerned)

I had only tried Stand Up Paddle Boarding once before…

Last year in this very same bay - but my girlfriend Liz and I were out a bit deeper on her then-fiance's boat and the wind was strong… It was actually the day i learned the word "guyang-guyang" which means choppy, wobbly waters.

I have used that word often in the year since that day to describe how i feel emotionally if i am wobbly and unstable.

That day out at sea in the wobbly waters, I found the SUP really difficult and could only stand for a  short while.

If you don't know what a Stand Up Paddle Board is - its a big heavy board, like a fat long surfboard with a paddle you hold on to…

You stand up and and paddle - hence the name.

Today I gave it a go again since everyone except me and the monkey were out surfing and discovered once again for the first time how magical this activity is.

Standing on the water and looking down at the coral I snorkeled through all season last year, I suddenly felt like if there are aliens up there in outer space (which I am still non convinced of)  this is what it must feel like - looking down through the window of the atmosphere and this entire world below.

I looked over my shoulder and saw the island  I called hOMe last year and have returned to for a visit… Togat Nusa Retreat - this incredible piece of paradise that makes the rest of the world pale in comparison. The colors are somehow brighter and more vibrant here then anywhere else on earth - i am fairly certain of this.

I saw the Uma or as i called it last year 'the driftwood castle'…  i saw the sagu palm roofs of all four bungalows.  The first time i came here there was half of one built.

I looked out at the break and saw black dots sitting on boards as the swell rolled through in sets of big glassy beautiful barreling waves… I saw a couple of charter boats and remembered the time i spent on the boat last year… riding these Mentawai tides onboard a ship before shipping out to India to ride the tides of the Ganges.

The same boat gave me a ride out here from Padang the night before last.

Kaimana - which means Ocean Spirit or something awesome like that…

I woke up yesterday morning to the sun creeping in through the little porthole windows in the cabin below the wheelhouse. I stretched and yawned and rolled out of bed, walking up the hallway of the boat as it swayed and purred in the morning breeze. The anchor was dropped and after a few moments of orienting myself I looked off the side of the boat and saw that we were right in front of Pitojet Island… the 12 hectare private island surf camp retreat owned by my dear friends Ainsley and John.

I could barely contain my excitement and practically leaped into the sampan when it pulled up, driven by my friend from Siberut named Toni. We hugged and exchanged brief hellos and then started the drive into the island. The water is like looking through an aquamarine crystal and feels like silk when it leaps up and caresses your skin.

I must have dove in the water 15 times that day so happy to finally be there after a solid week and half of trying to get out of Telos with the guests (typical Indonesian obstacles we came up against) - and then finally made it to Padang only to find that I was stuck there for 8 days. 

Everything happens for a reason I'm sure…

I absolutely LOVE Surfing Village and my Portugese fam over the last 6 weeks I had up there… I was so happy to spend a little more time with Tawney, my Aussie travel companion who came to the islands RIGHT as i came down with Malaria and was there to help me through the healing process…

The ride we finally got out to Padang on the charter boat called "Nomad" was the best crossing I've ever done and well worth the wait to enjoy such a treat…

And my time in Padang was actually really amazing.

I got to rekindle things with someone from the past, see lots of my friends and then go on an incredible adventure up to see the Sumatran Orangutans in Bukit Lawang… raft down rivers… sleep in jungles… play in the forest… eat amazing food and laugh and love away the residual illness i still had from the Malarial parasite.

And finally I got HERE.

My best priMATE, Beaker remembered me as if no time had passed and ran straight into my arms - shoving her little hands under my armpits and cooing and singing as she nuzzled in, sticking her little black foot in my hand, demanding a foot massage.

Jo-Jo the most loyal, beautiful dog in the Mentawais also seemingly remembered me and walked me all the way back along the beach to my room in the new worker house at the edge of the resort…

I had tried to walk through the jungle down Lizard Lane but twice I got lost carrying only my little handphone light… so I opted to take the longer round-about beach way - climbing over and under fallen down trees and through knee deep sea water.

Jo-Jo trotted along side, and just slightly in front of me as though he was truly escorting me.

He slept at the foot of my bed and when i woke up this morning, he escorted me the same way back to the Uma.

Ainsley is working hard as ever and making Togat Nusa better then ever (which is difficult being that it is practically perfect in every way as Mary Poppins would say)… She played me two of her songs tonight as the sun was going down and painting the world tangerine and turning the ocean silver and lavender… and I remembered the words to her songs as i heard them again after 8 long months i spent in Thailand, Malaysia, India, England, USA and Australia. I remembered these beautiful songs that perch on your heart and make you feel every word. Her smash hit single "temptation" should definitely be recorded.

I played her a few of the songs I have written lately and she was actually legitimately impressed with my progress on the guitar since studying with Baba Aaron in India and my dedication to practice since then.

I also got to catch up with Yona, the bartender and Mentawai magic woman that I befriended last year. She makes me so happy.

The new chef from Bukit Tinggi turns out gourmet meals every lunch and dinner with the help from Masseuese and Yoga Ninja, Miwa - who is the most grounded, beautiful woman of all time.

Tonight Miwa made the most amazing ginger salad dressing I have ever tasted and for desert we had fresh sweet pineapple,  a chocolate and coconut layer cake, and frozen chocolate covered bananas.

I wore a red hibiscus behind my ear the last two nights and one of the guests told me i was a really pretty girl - which as simple and sweet as that is… really kind of touched me and made me feel so good. I felt good paddle boarding… I breathed deeply and rocked the hibiscus behind my ear because I wasn't even gonna fall in. My hair never got wet until i finally carted the board out of the water (You really need a caddie for those things)… and ran back to dive into the sea.

My heart keeps wondering whats going on up north at Surfing Village… I miss them too.

My heart is always stretched between worlds.

About to fall asleep on my second night here - i already feel like i have been here for months again.

I love this place so much.

-----

I fall asleep on cabernet sheets under a mosquito net - lulled into a vivid dreamland by the sounds of the jungle… chirps and squeaks, snaps and coos, always squaring off to the lapping waves creeping up to the sand around the island.

I wake up at sunrise and practice yoga with John E and Miwa in the newest bungalow that I hadn't even seen since it was a shell last October, before JohnE and I took off for India.

It feels like a million years and ago and just yesterday that we explored the North of India together, wrapped in Tibetan yaks wool blankets freezing to death under colorful prayer flags.

After a few cups of post-yoga coffee and finishing my book "Mao's Last Dancer" about a ballerina in Mao's communist China…  I grab the Paddle Board and once again head out to look down through the crystal blue waters like an alien looking down at the intriguing, beautiful world below the surface.

I paddle all the way around the island. I used to paddle around on a surfboard to try to get my surfing muscles working, but I have given up on being a surfer. I don't do very well with failure and being bad at things, so I decided to stick to the things that I am actually good at this season.

Standing, breathing and watching the underwater world ripple through the tides that dance across the surface I am standing on while chanting "OM MANI PADME HUM"  as i circle the island?

Ya.

I think I found something i am good at. (Not that you can really be bad at it)… but i found this beautiful meditation out there today and upon returning to land, my muscles are actually already sore. Its more of a workout then you think paddling around like that.

I started a new book today called "The Hunger Games" about a post-apocalyptic world…

I have been finding myself thinking about an apocalypse often lately.

It doesn't necessarily scare me.

I'm not sure why.

I think if there is going to be an apocalypse (especially if Dec 21, 2012 means something like that) - I am doing exactly what I should be doing…

I am living my life to the fullest - seeing the world - living and loving and loving living every moment.

And starting in a matter of months I will start training to be a nurse and be able to actually help people who would need nursing were global disaster to strike…

and if nothing happens and its all Y2K all over again - I will be able to go to Africa and help children with Malaria - the nasty disease I fought off last month - and in time, i will build my wellness lodge/organic farm/retreat center somewhere beautiful…

Though i am quite sure that I will never be blown away by the beauty of anywhere on earth after having the privilege of living here at Togat Nusa.

I freaking LOVE this place.

So so happy to be here! :)

Permisi Dulu

"Permisi Dulu"

Michelle, Tawney and I were draped across our peach, tan & weathered white hammocks in the corner of the restaurant… 

This is the place you will most usually find us around 10:30am… still sweaty from the yoga class we did upstairs on the third level of this main bungalow at Surfing Village.

Sometimes the third floor is packed for a.m. yoga… sometimes there is swell and the whole place is deserted by 7am.

Yesterday was a day like that.

Only Michelle, Tawney and I had stayed in bed and not leaped out of bed at sunrise to the natural alarm clock of huge waves crashing onto dry reef. 

We climbed out from our mosquito nets and dragged ourselves up the three flights of stairs that make the restaurant shudder and shake slightly like the bending of a palm tree with every step we take. We threw down our yogitoes SKIDLESS on the red mats and found a child's pose, connecting our third eyes to the floor made from the wood of a tree that grew in the earth nearby not too long ago.

The pandanas reed windows were rolled up so we could see out to the closest break and saw Tiago, the Portugese guest,  walking back up towards the restaurant across the coral doing the tip toe dance, stepping as lightly as possible as to not cut up his feet more then they already are.

I leaned out and shouted to him to hurry up and come join the class.

We practiced a challenging flow of sun salutations and ended in a long savasana meditation where i talked about Robinson Jeffer's quote "the tides are in our veins"… and asking the class to tap into that tidal energy within.

Earlier in the morning I had played Tawney my Monterey song for the first time. We both spent childhoods in and around the Monterey Peninsula and hold a special place in our hearts for artichokes, Monarch butterflies and jelly fish exhibits at the aquarium.

Once connected to the tides in our veins and feeling sufficiently cleansed and worked from yoga we returned to the hammocks where I had played the Monterey song, and where we read, laugh, nap, sip coffee, and stare out at the horizon every morning.

An Indonesian man walked up the stairs and came over to us, crouching down.

He rambled on and on about needing the money for something that wasn't completed yet and Michelle explained to him that no, he would need to complete it first… That's just how it works.

(I have found over the last few years that this is a very typical Indo worker/ Bule Employer conversation)

When he finally understood the gist that she wasn't giving in, he excused himself "Permisi Dulu" and scurried off.

The Surfing Village chef, Andre (aka Moppy or Bullet) who has a kind smile and expressive eyebrows, popped his head up from an adjacent hammock and asked "What does dulu mean again?"

Moppy teaches me Portugese so I can understand what is going on in conversations here since everyone speaks in Sao Paulo Portugese, and I help him with his Indonesian.

Michelle jumped in and explained to him that Indonesians never ask to enter your house. They just walk inside… but its very rude to just leave a conversation or leave someone's company without excusing yourself…

Permisi is "excuse me" and Dulu means "first"

… its like saying "please pardon me, i am about to leave."

Everything is backwards to the way we know it in the Western World.

Karma, connections and unbelievable generosity landed Tawney and I on Nomad, an appropriately named beautiful sailing vessel/ come surf charter boat that was returning to Padang from the islands and let us hitch a ride.

We got picked up in a speedboat as the last light slid from the sky and darkness was pulled over the islands like a heavy quilt.

We could see lightning across the water so we knew it could potentially be a wet ride to go meet the Nomad.

First we had to go into the bay and fill up with fuel, which of course took hours.

Tawney and I sat on the boat beside the dock in the dark.

A group of village children crowded the dock and on hands and knees held up lights to see the white girls faces.

They stared at us with blank looks like the face of a child entranced by a cartoon in the western world.

After a while I asked them where the fat captain was.

A group of older boys behind the kids nervously commented that "she speaks Indonesian!"

The children lined up in front of us continued to stare blankly without responding. (clearly they have not yet gone to school to learn Bahasa Indonesia and only understand their tribal village language.)

"Makan Dulu." the boys in the back responded.

I turned to tell Tawney that he said the fat captain had to eat first but she said she understood!

Way to go language lessons in the hammocks!

Finally we departed the bay and headed towards the lightning, somehow managing to stay dry until we saw Nomad on the horizon waiting at our decided meeting spot.

It looked like a lit up swan elegantly floating in the water, and as we pulled closer heard Paul Simon playing from the speakers while dinner was being prepared. Tawney and I looked at each other will massive smiles spread across our faces.

Several loops around Paul Simon and Tom Petty's complete music anthologies, a deep sleep in the wood-paneled cabin downstairs, another beautiful meal served on the deck and an easy breezy 14 hours later... we arrived in West Sumatra and headed for the hotel i like to stay at...

Tawney made a last minute decision to get on a plane to Bali that night so once again I parted ways with my vagabonding sister in all things awesome and took a long hot shower and lay on the bed in the Air Con Listening to Ben Harper.

They gave me the "Alice in Wonderland room" as i call it. For some unexplained reason, the bathroom doorframe is about chest high and the ceiling of the shower/toilet just brushes the top of my head when I stand up straight.

It must be what my Dad has felt like for most of his life.

Walking tall, I went to meet Shayne, who's boat I played mermaid on last year while we were dating... And two of our boat-owning friends that recently had a beautiful baby.

We drank wine, ate peanuts and caught up until it was late...

The next day Shayne and i decided that we'd been talking about it long enough and it was time to go see the Sumatran Orangutans...  I checked out of the Alice and Wonderland room and went over to the homestay where we booked our little excursion... Then went over to my favorite massage place.

The massages here are 40,000rp which is about $4 for about an hour and a half amazing, deep tissue, full body massage.

The only trade-off is the atmosphere which I chose to laugh at instead of get irritated by.

To paint the picture...

Laying on my stomach with my eyes closed on a fold-down chair while my indo guy goes to town on my back, I hear out the open window to my left what could only have been a cockfight... Chickens bawking and squawking and people screaming at the top of their lungs.

Through the wall on my right comes the sound of god-awful kareoke at a volume decibel that should be illegal.

Between Celine Dion and Melinda, a man starts singing into the microphone through a thick indonesian accent, "I'm you laaaaaaady. And you are my maaaaaaaaan."

Giggling, I open one eye and see the gigantic framed photo of a baby (the only art in the room) and Shayno's masseuse standing up over him singing along to the kareoke machine next door as he does his massage "I'm your laaaaaaaaady."

I consider telling him the meaning of the song but instead decide to just keep it to myself.

Shayne and I laughed hysterically walking back to the homestay singing that song as we hopped over typical padang style piles of burning trash and bath-tub sized potholes with more things living in the mucky liquid at the bottom then people live in new Zealand.

The sun was setting and the call to prayer echoed out of all the mosques.... The same sound that marches down these broken streets 4 times a day.

You stop noticing it after a while.

I have come to love Padang is a weird way. And as much as I do my best to avoid long stays here, I don't hate it.

Nevertheless... I am breaking up this long Padang stay with a trip to see the amazing primates that have always fascinated me.

So Permissi Dulu, Padang.

Be back soon.

...stay tuned for my Bukit Lawang Orangutan story!

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