6 months ago i was in a 10 day silent Buddhist Meditation at Tushita Meditation Center in McLeod Ganj, India.
I feel like I talk about those ten days all the time and refer to the friends I made... which often confuses the listener of my story...
"we're you silent?" they say scratching their heads.
For the most part, yes. But its amazing how you get to know people just by being in the same intimate space as them... Plus we all partied when we got out - spending all night saying the things that had been bubbling up over the last ten days.
I had created little names for the people... Like "Red Blanket Australian Guy that Sits by the Window"... and "Beautiful Shaved-Head Goddess Woman".
I found out that I was that bendy girl that is always writing in her book. ("bendy" because my fellow meditators watched me practice yoga in silence at lunchtime i guess)
When I left McLeod Ganj I went to Varanasi, by way of a quick trip to the Golden Temple in Amritsar - and met Aaron Glass and Danny Fliescher there.
Just today as i was lying in my bed being nostalgic, i listened to voicenotes going back 6 months that I had recorded... the ones from just under 6 months ago were Aaron and I writing music on the rooftop of our guesthouse as we were coated by the billowing smoke from burning bodies creamating below us at the Manikarnika Ghat on the Ganges River.
Varanasi and Tushita were two very powerful times in my life.
In Varanasi I talked often about the bonds i made with fellow Tushitaites and the transformation I felt after sitting in meditation for ten straight days and hearing lectures on the Buddhist nature of reality which blew my mind into pieces.
Our next stop after Varanasi was Rhishikesh where i was reunited with a huge number of my Tushita crew. We were all just drawn to the same area... I think we had all psychically connected and intertwined with one another and would see each other constantly once we were in the same region.
Beautiful Shaved-Head Goddess Woman was one of the sisters from Tushita that i reconnected with in Rhishikesh. She posted this video to my facebook last week on my birthday - it is of Aaron & I singing a song we wrote called "I'll meet you in Calcutta this September" and how we ended up meeting in Varanasi in November instead but it's better late then never in the end… to come out of time and into love, my friend.
(That's a Sufi poet named Rumi who says "come out of the circle and into love my friend")
Anyways - this was a half recording of one of our first days in Rhishikesh and singing…
Beautiful Shaved-Head Goddess Woman is also called Manda - and she and our German Tushita friend and Djieridoo playing really interesting vagabonder named Rainer rescued the sweet puppy you see in the video.
They named him chai chai.
Manda is the gift that just keeps giving… She is always sending me love and beautiful things… like this poem that brought tears to my eyes today.
Happiness
by Jorge Luis Borges (1899-1986)
Whoever embraces a woman is Adam. The woman is Eve.
Everything happens for the first time.
I saw something white in the sky. They tell me it is the moon, but what can I do with a word and a mythology.
Trees frighten me a little. They are so beautiful.
The calm animals come closer so that I may tell them their names.
The books in the library have no letters. They spring forth when I open them.
Leafing through the atlas I project the shape of Sumatra.
Whoever lights a match in the dark is inventing fire.
Inside the mirror an Other waits in ambush.
Whoever looks at the ocean sees England.
Whoever utters a line of Liliencron has entered into battle.
I have dreamed Carthage and the legions that destroyed Carthage.
I have dreamed the sword and the scale.
Praised be the love wherein there is no possessor and no possessed, but both surrender.
Praised be the nightmare, which reveals to us that we have the power to create hell.
Whoever goes down to a river goes down to the Ganges.
Whoever looks at an hourglass sees the dissolution of an empire.
Whoever plays with a dagger foretells the death of Caesar.
Whoever dreams is every human being.
In the desert I saw the young Sphinx, which has just been sculpted.
There is nothing else so ancient under the sun.
Everything happens for the first time, but in a way that is eternal.
Whoever reads my words is inventing them.
-----
phew, right?
So i wrote a song yesterday with Tawney - a funny little song about "Mr. Wrong" and then this afternoon between listening to voice notes from India and reflecting on the last 6 months as i strummed a guitar and stared out at the slightly gloomy late afternoon that swept over the island as dusk crept up and the bats started circling the restaurant as they always do around this time…
I wrote another song…
about Once Upon a Time…
Sometimes I feel like i am wake-walking through a dream - like sleep-walking in reality but backwards.
(I do everything backwards)
I blew out a candle on a cake last night as the crew sang Happy Birthday to me in Portugese.
I had been so sick on my real birthday we sort of skipped it - unsure if i was gonna definitely have a 28th year of life…
SO last night was a celebration of the sloppy, tequila-fueled frenzy kind…
Before the debauchery started I stood in front of a big chocolate cake and looked at the flame from the candle. I heard "make a wish" uttered from somewhere win the tight circle that was around me.
The first thought that always crosses my mind is a broad, humanitarian wish - what i always wish for on dandelions and shooting stars…
This time i got to wish for something personal and close to me.
Something selfish.
I felt vulnerable wishing for what i wished for - but i realized that in the last 6 months i have learned so much - mostly from the community of friends I have been surrounded with - my Tushita friends - Mikey, Manda, Rainer, Polly… My Travel companions Danny & Aaron… My family of loves in Rhishikesh Silja, Bec, Krishna & Joey… My girls in London Charlie & Lucy… My family in California Mom, Dad, Lara, Tia and the Venice/Bernal Heights friends I have sustained through my gypsydome… My Australia peeps - Lutkajtis crew, Birdie and the Crescent Head boys, Holly & Harmony, Jane, Jules & Laura… and the Surfing Village Fam - Michelle, Mario, Paulo, Echa, Moppy, Gabrielle… and most notably as of late - my teacher, friend and sister in light and love - Tawney.
Every day I continue to learn so much from my friends and family - lessons about communicating clearly, living in truth, and being vulnerable… allowing myself to look foolish and to cry sometimes because things can be scary and sad… and thats okay.
and above all else - to continue to step back and like we heard over and over and over again at Tushita
JUST OBSERVE
"Aham Sakshahi" - I am the eternal witness…
… And so grateful to be witnessing what i am.
LIFE IS GREAT.
LIFE IS GREAT.
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