I said I had started a piece while laid up in the Sant Seva Ashram bed last week- but I decided it was too depressive and morbid and threw it out.
Aaron reminded me that I am human and allowed to be sick and bummed out and scared... So now this morning sitting in a chair in the same room I've been a prisoner in, it 8am- there is a marching band for some reason on the street, there was scalding hot water for some reason, and I am awake, showered, burning incense as Joey and Aaron sleep in our big room, and I am here... Finally on the other-side of illness, elated and full of love and renewed joyous energy, I can attempt to recount the last ten days which have all but smooshed together in my mind like over-cooked oatmeal.
It began on the other side - literally and metaphorically.
Danny, Aaron, Mikey & I were staying in High Gate, across the bridge and up the hill past the big white kriya yoga dome and into the quiet, removed area of rhishikesh.
I started to feel unwell and we were all getting used to calling me the leper as I had continuous open wounds that rather resembled eyes on a potato coming out all over my body.
Finally freaked out enough to see a doctor, I went to see Usha- the ayurvedic doc who asked me about a million questions including how I walk up stairs and what side I sleep on and finally determined that I am overwhelmingly "vata" - the air Dosha... Even though I would have put money on it that I was 100% fiery "pita"... She said I have a fire imbalance but no, I am as airy as it gets.
Utterly confused by this I left her office with a slew of strange looking pills in unmarked plastic bags.
Aaron and the boys laughed at my confusion "what? Did you think you WEREN'T woo-woo airy fairy chick?"
I guess not.
I fell asleep that afternoon and slept for a solid 24 hours.
Danny left for Dharamshala the next day. I had convinced him to take the next round at Tushita.
Mikey, Aaron & I bid him happy trails, packed up our rooms and decided to change our vibe up- and find a guesthouse across the road.
We looked like a band of gypsy travelers with our backpacks loaded up, instruments out- two boys with fierce baba beards and me with all my woo-woo airy fairyness...
A sadhu stopped Aaron and gave him an orange tikka while a smiling American guy handed me a flyer for a tantra yoga workshop. Usually I decline flyers but was generally interested and chatted for a few minutes while Aaron haggled on the price of the blessing he'd just been given.
We crossed the monkey riddled bridge and met our new neighborhood, checking into the ashram Mikey and I had inquired about reiki courses on the first day.
We dumped our bags exhaustedly and went to get some lunchiedinner sing song time at freedom cafe before Mikey took off his next adventure leg to Goa.
A silver bearded indian man with white hands and magical eyes was drawn to our table by the songs we were singing.
He immediately took an interest to me and diagnosed me with anemia and gave me his email and phone number.
He said he was a documentary film maker but also a Brahman and an intuitive healer.
We called him Alok the Doc.
Feeling like I was going to black out, I left freedom cafe and came to the ashram to lay down.
That night things got bad and didn't get better for quite some time.
My overall weakness and exhaustion turned into fever, migraines, projectile vomiting, nonstop nausea and pain in every joint, my skin got worse on my feet, ankles and fingers and I was only halfway cohesive and coherent.
Aaron called Alok who came with medicine- crazy Ayurvedic herbs that I had to swallow powder and drink foul tasting bitter herb tea.
He instructed me to throw out Usha's medicine and only trust him. I did whatever Aaron agreed was best since I was 12 feet under a sea of dizziness and fuzzy reality.
Aaron was my guardian angel and caretaker. I owe him so hard.
After a few days the symptoms changed and for a day we thought I was on the mend. I got out of bed, bundled up and walked down the road with Aaron towards Ram Julla on the other end of this side. (Aaron had been exploring to the Beatles ashram and stuff like that during the last few days when I was in bed)... He came in several times a day and told me stories giving me FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)... Then brought me colored pencils and I drew elaborate colorful art pieces to pass the days.
We walked for about two steps when we ran into a guy from Colorado who walked with us the whole way to Ram Julla. He told us about his adventure hike he'd just been on... The local gypsy Babas who caught a fish in the Ganga and made him fish soup. He told us about his job in Alaska as a wild land firefighter... Gradually I got fuzzier and dizzy until I got tunnel vision and Aaron had to run and get me orange juice and a jeep to drive me back to bed.
Then I got way worse.
Through feverish shakes and bloody swollen tonsils we laughed and called it "the plague"...
Aaron took me to the Ayurvedic hospital which gave me some more vata pills like Usha gave me and instructed me to gargle with salt water.
It made me really think about western medicine treating the symptoms versus Ayurvedic medicine here treating the overall me- but it could take 6 months to make me better and swallowing would become increasingly difficult.
I really thought about how it could be possible to bridge the two.
The next morning, Aaron was asleep and I needed water, so I walked across the road to the market to buy some. The young boy who worked there looked at me and said "excuse me ma'am. Are you sick? Is your liver okay? I can take you to the hospital I you'd like."
I went back and conferred with my guardian angel who said yes. Do it.
We carved through traffic on my new friend muni's blue motorbike- almost hitting cows and Babas in orange pants...
The big hospital in Rhishikesh was unreal and almost something I can't really recount. There was so much illness, necrotic, blue rotting skin, women with deathly ill babies... My heart heaved and ached for all the suffering I was surrounded with and I kept almost forgetting about my stupid sickness in comparison to the pain and suffering of these people... Almost... Until I was being jabbed with needles, under an ultrasound and at a pharmacy getting 10 billion more medicines- this time western medicines treat the symptoms.
I definitively decided that I want to be a nurse.
It's been something that I have been thinking about since my meditation at Tushita when it just came to me that I could help the most number of people and be of service to humanity by taking a year or so and going to school in America and getting a nursing degree.
Then I could work for doctors without borders or peace corps even- while traveling and continuing to write.
I spent Thanksgiving feebly cheersing my lemon Ginger honey tea with Aaron's down in the ashram cafe- giving thanks for being alive- being on the mend- being able to laugh throughout the plague - and for my new intention to become a nurse... And of course, for my dear sweet caretaking brother, Baba Aaron.
I woke up the next day sick but not dying and skyped home, then bought a blue headband and started to think well.
I made it down to the guitar lessons Aaron has started down on the Ganges Bank Beach- he teaches a whole group of westerner and Indian students guitar at noon everyday for free.
The group keeps growing and Aaron is of course famous now- in fact, he made the Rhishikesh newspaper.
We went up to Pyramids cafe for dinner one night as i was getting better where we saw lots of friends including the colorado firefighter, Joey. every time we met I was sick but recovering.
We left dinner and went to the hilltop jam sesh that happens every night by bonfire. (Aaron have been going up and playing our younglove songs and now get stopped in the street every time we go out by adoring friends and fans who love our music. It's really flattering)...
Every day I was getting better.
Polly, Aaron & I went to have lunch at Purple Dhaba when Joey walked by again. I realized that he is one of the most enthusiastic, positive, beautiful people i have met in this life. Seriously. He infects me with joy every time i am with him. We all group hugged for a long time and sat together with our new folk singing curly haired sweetie friend named Gaylen to eat Indian food before Polly took off to San Diego!
We stayed a troup all night- running into Alok who was happy to see me laughing and sparkling again... Then went to hilltop and finished the night jamming at Moksha restaurant.
I was lying on a bed with Joey and Aaron- playing the kazoo and making up songs when Aaron told me I could play guitar.
I thought there was no way I was already good enough to figure out how to play along with the group o guitarist and flutists... But next thing I knew, guitar in hand I was healthy, smiling at my new spirit enhancing buddy who was lying next to my guardian angel encouraging me to be amazing.
Moksha.
This word means liberation.
I was liberated in that moment. I felt free from the illness that has wrapped it's hands around me, free from destructive, negative thoughts that dance in my mind and tell me I can't...
I felt reborn and had so much fun that night.
I felt myself coming back and realized it's been a LONG time since THIS me was here.
The next morning I went to Trika yoga for a class and found what ive been looking for.
I can't believe this form of yoga exists. Incredible, intelligent lectures and subtle body, tantra/kundalini based asana interwoven with philosophy.
I freaked out!
I also realized that Joey was the American who gave me the flyer when Aaron was being tikka'd the day we moved sides.
I think I was always coming here but I had to cleanse myself and shed some unneeded pieces of me in order to reach this moment.
I met Alok the Doc right after yoga and cried. He made me feel sick and needy. He asked me for 400 dollars for medicine he would go get me and told me I would look 80 years old in ten years without it.
I had just been feelig so good and crashed.
I paid and quickly left that yucky meeting and again, took two steps to find Joey in all his happiness and zest for life.
He was standing outside a sacred gem and stone shop where Aaron was sipping ayuredic tea and playing music for the lovely, smiling Indian man who's shop it was.
Aaron lead the intro to my song about choosing our reactions and I sang it for this man who grabbed a seat for me behind the counter next to him and proceeded to read all of our palms.
He was eerily spot on with everyone... When he looked at mine the very first words out of his mouth were
"you should be a nurse."
Our jaws hit the floor.
He told me some other amazing things and gave me a sacred red stone for free or good luck and hugged me tight. He said I was very lucky.
Tell me about it.
Joey & I walked across the bridge and found a hookah bar with a big wooden platform. I spread out all the yaks wool blankets I had just bought and we watched the sunset and talked about lucid dreaming, America, mullets and other excellent topics.
We met up with the rest of our friends for dinner and hilltop jamming - as is the nightly routine.
The next day followed our new pattern- yoga, guitar lesson, lunch, find joey on a street- dinner - and then we went to a healing sound circle meditation that blew us all away.
We were buzzing, elated and full of life like never before when we stumbled out of that session that had transformed all of us in one way or another only to come upon on Indian wedding.
Joey, Aaron & I looked at each other and nodded. Oh yes. We are crashing that wedding.
We skipped back to the ashram with bellies full of weird wedding food, adorned with marigold flower indian lais around our necks where we had a sleepover and stayed up late recalling the night.
I feel like I had to dip that low to fly this high and reach this bliss and moksha...
So I am grateful for the plague, for the suffering I experienced and saw, because now I get to wake up in a room with Joey and Aaron and marigold flower petals on the ground and remember like the palm reader told me... I am very lucky.
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