blessings.

life.

lately life is full of living... staring at the full moon from the bow of a boat as we crossed the channel from the mentawai islands to padang... endless words spilling out of me... writing and writing and writing... meditating... saluting the sun... walking down the wet streets of padang with a scarf my mother gave me fully wrapped around my head... eating spicy street food with my hands and making smoothies chock full of tropical fruit goodness.... drinking jus terung nipus (a purple fruit that is blended and strained into juice and is meant to cleanse your blood).

Fully present.

It was actually chilly last night, something i am not accustomed to after spending the last seven months dancing across the equator like a balance beam routine in the olympics...

I have been spending every day with a south african counterpart who makes me laugh constantly and asks me to read him things i've written. he closes his eyes when i read out loud. it flatters and inspires me. i have written my whole life, and finally am certain that i want to be a writer first and foremost as my identity.

It seems that every day of my life an author's monologue seems to narrate the story as i live it. i write until my pens run out and my i-thing dies... and then i charge it up and buy a new pen and write some more.

this has been such a phenominal journey and somehow every day gets more and more amazing.
is this possible?

my mind skips backwards in time to living at the OM hOMe in venice... (my mind does this often)... i transport to days gone by of bike rides on the boardwalk, bellies full of papusas and dirty chai blended with hemp milk... catching the gaze of a hOMie as our beach cruisers roll side by side and we shake our heads, smiling, in shock that this is the case.

every day trumps the last.

even on days like today... a wet day in padang - the wild wild west of indonesia.

i woke up in the maranatha havilla... the hotel i have called hOMe my last three stints in Padang... Shayno and i decided to go straight to the massage place down the road for the killer 20,000 rupiah massage. (about 3 dollars)...
i breathed deeply, counting my inhales and exhales as the indonesian man worked through the knots and blockages in my feet and calves... the awkwardness of the initial discomfort of having a blonde girl in a sports bra quickly evaporated and the body work vibe came over our private room. just four bodies breathing and working. shayne, me, and two indonesian masseuse men with healing hands.

from time to time my awareness would come back into the room and i would hear the stray cats meowing and the indos sitting in the cafe outside the window blabbering in minang (i have picked up bits and pieces and can recognize the YO-LAHs and MASUAs)... the smell of clove cigarettes and burning trash wafts in through the slits in the window and somehow i love it.

in a post-massage daze we wandered to spice homestay and had a cup of coffee and visit with some friends for about an hour.

as we were leaving we saw another friend pulling up who gave us a ride to the fruit shop where i loaded up on the aforementioned goodness... bananas, pineapple, probiotic yogurt, citrus and pears before heading to planet fitness - the gym in Padang that i have seen before but hadn't even really thought to explore.

We both joined for a month - 175,000 rupiah (about 18 dollars) for the month...
the bottom floor is full of machines and kanye west style music, blue lights, a sauna and some dressing rooms.
up a flight of stairs a huge smile spread across my face.
there IS a yoga studio in Padang!

a huge, empty room with glass doors completely slid open looking out over the Maura where all the boats are docked.... a pile of mats and aerobics blocks and steps stacked against the wall and nobody in sight.

i unrolled a yoga mat and sighed deeply as i connected my third eye to the floor in child's pose.

FINALLY - i felt like i had a space to practice.

it's amazing when you think about it... space, that is.
all there is, is space.
especially in this part of the world and even more so out in the islands, but to have a room that felt like a yoga studio and had the essence of a space i could practice in peace just filled me up with joy and made me so happy.
i fell right into the practice i have been waiting to give myself for such a long time.
when i practice alone i often skip the poses i don't really want to do or don't particularly like... but today i taught myself a class that i would teach a student at my level.
i heard my inner voice - my sri gurubhyo - speaking in my head and followed as a devotee of her wisdom.

Ironically (or maybe not at all)... shayno was doing his krav maga training workout that will be taking him to Israel to train when i head to India.
Fully physically worked and taking a break from an arm balance sequence i looked over and giggled to myself at the yin yang polar opposites we were holding in that moment.
Me, visualizing my arms spreading honey-like peace through my finger tips and toes, sending OM peace vibrations to the tectonic plates that shift and shake beneath us here... sending love to the people i know and don't know... visualizing myself infiltrating the dreamspace of the unhappy and uncomfortable and giving them peace.
my counterpart was visualizing attacks and fights... self-defense fights.
there are always two sides...
duality is in and of itself... balance.
how beautiful a moment.

i wiped the sweat from my eyes and looked out the window before me, over the Maura and up the hill, remembering 7 months ago, arriving in Padang at the beginning of this adventure - me all typically bright eyed and bushy tailed, enthusiastically climbing to the top of the hill that i could see in the distance with a stranger/new friend...
http://aloveninja.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-climbed-to-top-of-hill.html


Indonesia and this part of the world specifically has meant so much to me in so many different ways.

It has been a nest, a womb, a place of rebirth, a hiding spot, a learning experience, a challenge, and a hOMe... and each day has been a miracle.
Life really is a miracle i think.

We had dinner tonight with Shayno's business partner Ferry and his very pregnant wife who is due any day now.
He asked us to help them chose a middle name.
The first name will be Jason.
I suggested Kai.
Jason Kai.
They liked it.

They told me that Jason means "present from God" and of course Kai mean "ocean"...

the Oceans really are a present from God... every Ocean I've been so lucky to know... the pacific, the indian, the mediterranean, the atlantic, and of course my fairy godparents and driftwood kingdom king and queen - JohnE and Ainsley Ocean... withouth whom i would not even be here - on this journey through Indonesia and southeast asia.

again... my mind flickers back to the OM hOMe... post my visit to Indonesia in 2010 (the apres-divorce gift i gave myself that landed me on Pitojat Island with the Oceans)...
I remember the night over a year ago, i fell asleep in my room called the jungle room under a huge painting of a Lion in my giant marshmellow bed, giving thanks and asking the universe for direction.
i will never forget waking up to the blinking red light on my blackberry signaling me that i had an awaiting email.
The message was from Ainsley asking me to come live on the island to hostess, teach yoga and do massage this year...

It's like our stories are already written - and we get to just read - flip each page with that mouth watering excitement of ya? and then what happens next?

I can't remember if i have shared this email my mother sent me back in April when i was living on the island somewhere in this blog... but this is what she wrote me and i think about it and reflect on it often:

Your life is so exciting and you are definitely dancing on the EDGE out there! I hope you are able to do a lot of yoga as this will slow you down and get you in touch with your intuition
I loved what you said in your blog about yogis say if you practice deep breathing you can extend your life by years. I want to see your beautiful child someday and look into their eyes and see the amazing genetic connection . We are such miraculous beings made of stardust and millions of years of evolution! I know this sounds preachy but try not to be impulsive ( that comes from fast instinct - lower chakras). Try to always listen to your amazingly highly developed intuition and you will be guided to make good choices. Its hard to do in the moment but the more we slow down the more we can access that intelligence .We Aries are such impulsive action people it is a challenge to harness that energy and slow down but your yoga certainly is the key.


firstly - how freaking cool is my mom?

secondly - its true... its so so so true. and i have found in this life that whenever i practice i get these immediate gifts and signs and unfolding blossoms from the universe. it's like a no-brainer daily cosmic affirmation i get when i practice yoga, fully committed to my intention and breath.

back at the hotel, again in a post-workout endorphin filled daze, i realized that i needed to book a return flight out of India in order to get my visa, so i started researching and found that Virgin Atlantic flew from Delhi to LA... (about 900 dollars)

On a whim i called Virgin and inquired how many miles i had and if maybe i had enough that i wouldn't have enough to help with the cost of the flight.

the British angel on the other end of the phone informed me that i have over 70,000 miles and i will be able to fly for free using only 25,000 miles - only having to pay for the airport fees and taxes which are about 200 dollars... and not only that... but i lay over in London (my old hOMe that i have not had the opportunity to visit for the last 3 years)...

I have my flight on hold and am planning to book it through tomorrow, taking a four day layover in London to visit with my long lost spirit sisiters and dear friends and family in the UK.

I emailed a few friends to see who might be around and got an overwhelming amount of immediate responses and offers to stay and visit while i am there and a few from California anticipating my return which tickles my heart.

i am truly truly blessed.

THANK YOU UNIVERSE... for all the abundant blessings.
THANK YOU MY FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES ... for all the abundant love and support.

As i speak and think and teach very often - i am focusing on not gripping or grasping... not holding on to anything.
my palms move from a prayer position of humble gratitude to be open, palms up to the sky.
You cannot give anything to closed, clenched fist. (the proverbial drop the cookie in order to get your hand unstuck from the cookie jar analogy)
only from this place of openness, can we receive the gifts that continually fall into our open arms...
gifts that somehow trump the last.

life just gets better.

keep on truckin'... keep on lovin'.... keep on giving.... keep on releasing... and we will all be blessed to keep on receiving.