11 Jun 2012
You know when the clouds look like this?
It's like the clouds in the sky have been separated... Pulled apart by the fibers that usually hold together these fluffy balls of whatever they are... Water I guess.
That makes sense scientifically and symbolically too... Perpetually surrounded by water, we are. Well... I am.
I was talking last night about how much I love being onboard boats. I never get sea sick and feel so lulled and comforted by the swaying dancing seas.
I realized my mother is a dancer and was probably swaying and dancing around during the whole 9 months I spent in a sac of sacred ocean water-like fluid in her belly - my mother the vessel- just like a ship or sea vessel heaving and swaying with the tides.
My mom and dad love Robinson Jeffers- a poet from Carmel, the foggy seaside Northern California town I was born in.
They always had a piece of driftwood in their garden with the Jeffer's poem line "The Tides are in our veins" written on it in charcoal.
I cant tell you How often I repeat that line.
Right now I'm sitting - well more reclined then sitting but more upright then lying down- I'm slouched island-style with my feet up on a beautiful wooden bench that looks out between twin palm trees at the dazzling 4 oclock ocean that burns ainsley's eyes but she grins and bears it to surf the waves that peel along her reef while blinding white sunlight bounces off the glassy water and all but blinds her.
I'm propped up on one of her throw pillows looking at these clouds.
Last season she and johnE had 4 awesome hawaiian chicks come and stay- one was their goddaughter and the other 3 were her surfer girl buddies. One night I slept in the giant tent on a platform where bungalow 4 now stands a year later.
I am sleeping on the floor in the half finished living room of bungalow 4- the same place I slept with the hawaiian chicas.
During that week or so that the girls visited, we went down to the beach break which takes roughly an hour by boat to get to. A beautiful sandy beach without a single footprint or sign that humans even know it's there.
The white sand
I sat up at the bow of the sampan canoe we took out there baking in the sun as the wind whipped through my crackling, sun bleached hair.
The clouds were pulled at the seams that afternoon.
I don't know why exactly I remember that - a moment from almost a whole year ago- yet I can't remember important big things- like how to add and subtract.
I remember I started writing a piece in my head that boat ride but I really can't remember if I actually did or not when we got home to Togat Nusa Retreat.
I remember trying to figure out what it looked like -these clouds - like milk separation before it curdles, or a really bumpy icy patch you want to avoid when you're snowboarding. Or the way really nice buttery wood curls up when you whack it well with a chisel and hammer like I've been doing building my wooden Buddha the last few weeks.
On that canoe a year ago, it occurred to me that the clouds looked like this my last day in Venice - sometime in February of last year. I remember because it was one of the last pictures on my iphone that i looked at while i was taking off towards singpore by way of hong kong.
I was sitting on that flight so unsure of what the next few months would hold for me and was clinging to a life i loved and was scared to let go of behind me.
A life where i rode my beach cruiser down Abbot Kinney under separated skies and knew i was making a big separation by leaving the tribe i was a part of there in Venice.
On that canoe with JohnE and the Hawaiian girls, i started missing home a lot- I'd been gone for about 4 months.
Now its been a year and 4 months.
I visited Venice when i came home but my heart knew I wasn't done on the global journey yet and nothing was the same.. I certainly wasn't the same.
And i felt that there were still more crackling clouds to watch and adventures to be had abroad. I wasn't done on the adventure yet.
I tried to book my flight home yesterday and my card declined.
Thinking it was somehow some force telling me I shouldn't leave so soon - I quickly realized that it was more of a sign that I spent 15,000 dollars and maxed out my Amex pretending I was Carmen San Diego and traveling the world.
Since I left last year my travel destinations have been this:
San Francisco
Hong Kong
Singapore
Batam
Padang
Mentawais
Padang
Bukittingi
Lake meningjau
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Jakarta
Bali
Jakarta
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Telos
Mentawai
Padang
Kuala lumpur
Bangkok
Koh Tao
Koh Phangang
Bangkok
Phuket
Bali
Phuket
Koh Phi Phi
Krabi
Bangkok
Kuala lumpur
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Jakarta
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Kuala lumpur
Delhi
Ladakh
Jammu
Dharamshala
Amritsar
Varanasi
Rhishikesh
Delhi
London
Cheltenham
London
San Francisco
San Diego
LA
San Diego
San Fran
Carmel
LA
San Diego
Santa barbara
San diego
San Fran
San Diego
LA
Sydney
Melbourne
Sydney
Brisbane
Brunswick Head
Byron bay
Brisbane
Lennox head
Byron bay
Gold coast
Byron bay
Angourie
Nambucca head
Crescent head
Sydney
Kuala lumpur
Padang
Telos
Padang
Bukit Lawang
Padang
Mentawai
And here I am.
15 thousand bucks later... Still itching to see the world... Africa & South America are next...
Well. That's not true. San Diego is next, clawing my way out of debt, enrolling in school, and becoming a nurse. That's what is immediately next.
Then I will take the traveling nurse show on the road probably.
I know i will figure it out and pull back into society (for a while anyways).
I am lucky to have such an awesome loving and supportive family who will love me even though i am poor and debt ridden with sun-beaten skin and a dormant malaria parasite in my liver.
Would I do it all again?
Hell yes.
I would rather spend the rest of my life paying off this debt then spent my whole life waiting to do it tomorrow.
We never know if there's gonna be a tomorrow anyways...
All the more reason for me to drink in these separating skies today, right?
It's like the clouds in the sky have been separated... Pulled apart by the fibers that usually hold together these fluffy balls of whatever they are... Water I guess.
That makes sense scientifically and symbolically too... Perpetually surrounded by water, we are. Well... I am.
I was talking last night about how much I love being onboard boats. I never get sea sick and feel so lulled and comforted by the swaying dancing seas.
I realized my mother is a dancer and was probably swaying and dancing around during the whole 9 months I spent in a sac of sacred ocean water-like fluid in her belly - my mother the vessel- just like a ship or sea vessel heaving and swaying with the tides.
My mom and dad love Robinson Jeffers- a poet from Carmel, the foggy seaside Northern California town I was born in.
They always had a piece of driftwood in their garden with the Jeffer's poem line "The Tides are in our veins" written on it in charcoal.
I cant tell you How often I repeat that line.
Right now I'm sitting - well more reclined then sitting but more upright then lying down- I'm slouched island-style with my feet up on a beautiful wooden bench that looks out between twin palm trees at the dazzling 4 oclock ocean that burns ainsley's eyes but she grins and bears it to surf the waves that peel along her reef while blinding white sunlight bounces off the glassy water and all but blinds her.
I'm propped up on one of her throw pillows looking at these clouds.
Last season she and johnE had 4 awesome hawaiian chicks come and stay- one was their goddaughter and the other 3 were her surfer girl buddies. One night I slept in the giant tent on a platform where bungalow 4 now stands a year later.
I am sleeping on the floor in the half finished living room of bungalow 4- the same place I slept with the hawaiian chicas.
During that week or so that the girls visited, we went down to the beach break which takes roughly an hour by boat to get to. A beautiful sandy beach without a single footprint or sign that humans even know it's there.
The white sand
I sat up at the bow of the sampan canoe we took out there baking in the sun as the wind whipped through my crackling, sun bleached hair.
The clouds were pulled at the seams that afternoon.
I don't know why exactly I remember that - a moment from almost a whole year ago- yet I can't remember important big things- like how to add and subtract.
I remember I started writing a piece in my head that boat ride but I really can't remember if I actually did or not when we got home to Togat Nusa Retreat.
I remember trying to figure out what it looked like -these clouds - like milk separation before it curdles, or a really bumpy icy patch you want to avoid when you're snowboarding. Or the way really nice buttery wood curls up when you whack it well with a chisel and hammer like I've been doing building my wooden Buddha the last few weeks.
On that canoe a year ago, it occurred to me that the clouds looked like this my last day in Venice - sometime in February of last year. I remember because it was one of the last pictures on my iphone that i looked at while i was taking off towards singpore by way of hong kong.
I was sitting on that flight so unsure of what the next few months would hold for me and was clinging to a life i loved and was scared to let go of behind me.
A life where i rode my beach cruiser down Abbot Kinney under separated skies and knew i was making a big separation by leaving the tribe i was a part of there in Venice.
On that canoe with JohnE and the Hawaiian girls, i started missing home a lot- I'd been gone for about 4 months.
Now its been a year and 4 months.
I visited Venice when i came home but my heart knew I wasn't done on the global journey yet and nothing was the same.. I certainly wasn't the same.
And i felt that there were still more crackling clouds to watch and adventures to be had abroad. I wasn't done on the adventure yet.
I tried to book my flight home yesterday and my card declined.
Thinking it was somehow some force telling me I shouldn't leave so soon - I quickly realized that it was more of a sign that I spent 15,000 dollars and maxed out my Amex pretending I was Carmen San Diego and traveling the world.
Since I left last year my travel destinations have been this:
San Francisco
Hong Kong
Singapore
Batam
Padang
Mentawais
Padang
Bukittingi
Lake meningjau
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Jakarta
Bali
Jakarta
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Telos
Mentawai
Padang
Kuala lumpur
Bangkok
Koh Tao
Koh Phangang
Bangkok
Phuket
Bali
Phuket
Koh Phi Phi
Krabi
Bangkok
Kuala lumpur
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Jakarta
Padang
Mentawai
Padang
Kuala lumpur
Delhi
Ladakh
Jammu
Dharamshala
Amritsar
Varanasi
Rhishikesh
Delhi
London
Cheltenham
London
San Francisco
San Diego
LA
San Diego
San Fran
Carmel
LA
San Diego
Santa barbara
San diego
San Fran
San Diego
LA
Sydney
Melbourne
Sydney
Brisbane
Brunswick Head
Byron bay
Brisbane
Lennox head
Byron bay
Gold coast
Byron bay
Angourie
Nambucca head
Crescent head
Sydney
Kuala lumpur
Padang
Telos
Padang
Bukit Lawang
Padang
Mentawai
And here I am.
15 thousand bucks later... Still itching to see the world... Africa & South America are next...
Well. That's not true. San Diego is next, clawing my way out of debt, enrolling in school, and becoming a nurse. That's what is immediately next.
Then I will take the traveling nurse show on the road probably.
I know i will figure it out and pull back into society (for a while anyways).
I am lucky to have such an awesome loving and supportive family who will love me even though i am poor and debt ridden with sun-beaten skin and a dormant malaria parasite in my liver.
Would I do it all again?
Hell yes.
I would rather spend the rest of my life paying off this debt then spent my whole life waiting to do it tomorrow.
We never know if there's gonna be a tomorrow anyways...
All the more reason for me to drink in these separating skies today, right?
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