Friday, July 8, 2011

dari mana?

dari mana

in indonesia, people always ask you "dari mana?" - meaning "from where?"...
when getting to know you, the first most important question is "dari mana" meaning "where are you from, originally?"
and they seem to always want to know "where are you coming from" when you see them again in passing.

my goddess sister Liz pointed this out to me about a month ago and i have been so conscious of it since then. noticing how the indos always want to know where you have just come from... maybe they want an explanation for the current state of your spirit.

what have you just absorbed?
what have you just seen?
what did you just walk through?

i found myself out in the water today having a salt cleanse... paddling around on a surf board "Running awayve" from the surfing part of the surfing... consciously choosing to just duck dive and cruise... hang out in the lineup with my friends and being in the water, but not worry about catching waves and putting myself through the usual anxiety it creates for me.

Today was not the day for that. Today i cruised. And i LOVED every mOMent.

Today i was having conversations with the energy in the tides...
i whispered to the swell i felt building and filling underneath me as it formed waves my friends rode.
i watched the back of the turquoise moving mountain of sea water errupt in front of me spraying arcs into the air.. the silhouettes of my friends just visible through the back.

i whispered to the waves "dari mana?"
"where have you come from?"

i imagined three days ago, my californian goddess sister Tawney out in the surf at county line in malibu, sitting in the lineup... her fingertips brushing the top of the ripples rolling across the pacfic ocean water... i pictured her beautiful, loving, warm divine spirit and could visualize her sending her energy, her vibe into the vibration of the ocean...
i saw that energy flowing out to sea... towards catalina... and then evaporating into the sky and floating in a cloud towards Hawaii...
I saw a storm sending sheets of rain into the ocean and across the palm tree brothers and sisters to those on this island...
and i saw the birth of this swell that i felt underneath me.

i saw the hiccup... the tiny bump that rain storm created and watched it dance through the seas, past sharks and sea urchins.... coral reefs and underwater caves... under the sun, under the moon, under the stars... dancing in the starlight.

and then here it was.

this healing, cleansing energy i was bathing in... after its journey from Tawney's fingertips, it arrived under me... around me... within me.

A dugout canoe, carved from a tree that undoubtedly grew on a neighboring island... came into my line of sight... far out towards the horizon... i could make out a little triangle straw hat and that shape of the dugout canoe cruising along the sea, as i sat on my surfboard cruising above the reef.

"dari mana?" i asked him, whispering in his direction from my salty lips into the wind blowing out towards him.

where had he just come from?
he looked so far away from any location or destination.
he looked like he was just simply cruising...
i suddenly had the urge to paddle out to him and ask him where he was from.
i wanted to know where the tree came from that his boat was carved out of.
i wanted to know where he was born and where his hat came from.

but a huge freak wave came and jolted me from my daydream to the sounds of my aussie girlfriends screaming "paddle zani! paddle!"

it passed. scary things always pass in life.

i was calm again... floating... cruising... soaking in deep water and even deeper thought...

i saw the moon rising in the distance as the sun began to yawn and considering setting for the evening.

it was just a shimmer shadow of the moon... a silhouette similar to the silhouette of a surfer from behind a wave.
i thought about how when you are half asleep, just waking up and it seems you can be present in the room and also in the dream... one foot in, and one foot out... it's hazy, but you can hear noise in both worlds.

i remember when my best friend jessica's nana died... we were talking to her and knew she could hear us, but she was also standing in the wings about to make her entrance onto the stage of the afterlife. she was definitely in both worlds and didn't want to let go and fully commit to either for a long time until the family took her hearing aids out and she finally stopped hearing our voices in this life and let herself fall into the afterlife only... guided to thy perfect light.

jessica studied gerentology in college and i have found more and more, how amazing it is to talk to elderly people. ask them where THEY have come from. their stories always blow me away. jessica's grandmother, neva ptterson was no exception. she led such a phenomenal life and i feel so blessed to have spent so much time with her in this life...

my feet dangling, my heart turned upwards toward this silhouette of a rising moon, and i imagined the moon still hanging in a black sky above friends in california, as it simultaneously began to appear in our blue-ish gray sky above the mentwai islands this late afternoon.

i wanted to ask the moon where it came from.
i wanted it to tell me stories about last night in venice.
i wanted to live vicariously through the moon.

mother moon - who last night was lucky enough to light up the venice night... shine her wisdom to my friends, and watch as they danced their love spirit unity dance on the streets of Los Angeles... hugging eachother and gazing into one another's twinkling eyes and marvelling in the magic swirling and twisting and twirling around them.

and then i realized...

i KNOW where the moon just came from because i was once there.

and i know where that fisherman wearing his traingle hat came from, because aaron glass told me.

aaron glass and i are going to be in india in a few months.
i love this man.
he emanates love, compassion, and joy.
and his music sings to my heart strings.

he sent me his new album and told me i would be the first to receive it... because he was the first to ever read the book i am writing.
i handed the manuscript over to him the first night we met in santa cruz at the red house...
which was the night we started hatching our plan for india.

aaron sings in one song "you came from love... you were made in love... you are love."

of course.

i had wanted the moon to tell me where she had been, because i wanted to hear stories about my friends like aaron dancing in venice... making their music in unity.

but i have been there so i know what it is.
and that music i already have. i already hear... and it gives me the messages i crave and the answers to the questions i seek.

the waves, the moon, the little man in his canoe, and the tree that was dugout to make his canoe... they all came from love.

just like me.

i am here because my parents chose to love. the made me with love... literally and metaphorically... and they chose to love me into existance...

so today i bathe in that love... and the love that my friend dip their fingers into the sea and send to me.

all of this.

its love.

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