Stormy holidays (hollow daze) in Honduras

Christmas afternoon on Roatan 

79 degrees

83% humidity

15 mph winds

Downpour

I'm sitting in a slightly damp hammock- damp from a mix of ocean spray from the onshore winds blowing directly at me and the rain being pushed sideways under the awning I'm under.  The sea is sick and angry- or else just having a blast- tossing and turning and throwing itself around.

I went out on the west end last night with the volunteers and some friends that we've all acquired. west end was wild- full of drink specials and giant blow up santa clauses... People from all over the world milling around the dive shops and western bars... Drinking and laughing and carrying on.

The locals were off the west end lighting off thousands upon thousands of fire crackers, bombs and cannons.... This is a theme in the developing world I've experienced in numerous countries. Celebration = war zone sound effects.

I laughed laying in the dark trying to sleep through the blasts exploding every few moments outside my window. "peace on earth" I though to myself sarcastically.

I woke up to a quiet house and did my best to fill it with classical Christmas music care of iTunes Radio- despite the shitty internet spotting in and out.

The storm was supposed to blow in over night but all I saw when I woke up was the blowing and no storm per say.

The winds are howling through the palm trees and remind me of the north winds that would plague our island home in Indonesia. The devil winds we called them.

Indonesians are somewhat afraid of the wind- when people get sick they say "masuk angin" which means that you've taken the wind inside yourself.

The wind carries bad spirits and they mess with you.

I woke up with a tickle in my throat... And immediately got a feeling of almost fear- completely from Indonesian superstition.

We walked next door to The home of an American couple in their 60s who had invited all the volunteers and Miss Peggy over for Christmas breakfast.

They even cooked the oatmeal with almond milk which I'm sure was just for me.

Dr. Victoria came with a beautiful Guatemalan doctor who she worked with and had a love affair with while working at a clinic in Guatemala... His name was Sergio and he was fascinating.  Victoria, Sergio and nurse Erin went with miss Peggy over to the clinic suddenly when they got a call about a man who needed medical care- so even on Christmas they went to open the closed up Clinica Esperanza to take care of this patient. This is why I love it here.

I came home and Skype/facetimed with family and loved ones - Cary, Tawney, Carlos and family... Until the others came back from the clinic with stories about the patient and we sat around and drank green tea and ate popcorn and watched the storm hammer our little beach house.

It is an odd feeling that's overwhelming me today.

I've spent so so many Christmases away from home and yet this year more than any other, I am truly homesick and miss my dogs, my parents, my room, and of course my Carlos. 

I am so grateful to be here and it's a truly phenomenal experience that I wouldn't trade for the world- I am surrounded by wonderful friends I have made here- but something in me feels hollow and I am actually looking forward to going home in three weeks.

Church = sunbath

I came on the adventure to church this morning and found myself by the pool in a luxury resort.

"The sun is my God, anyway." I told myself in justification.

Yesterday was my solo mission. 

I woke up and came to west end with Bethany to lay by the beach and soak up the morning sun although the clouds rolled in and we didn't have much of a sunbath.  A little lady came by and asked if I would like a massage and being the foot massage junkie that I am, I couldn't resist the 15 minute foot massage for $5.

The beautiful, little, round faced, Honduras woman knelt in the sand and began by washing my feet with ocean water and then oiling them down. I closed my eyes ready to drift off into my happy place when she started to speak to me and ask what brought me to Roatan.  Through an eyes closed dreamy grumble I told her in Spanish that I am working at the clinic.  I found out that this is not the best relaxation strategy because even though I told her multiple times That I was not a doctor yet- she insisted on spending the 15 minutes explaining her child's symptoms to me. 

This seems to be a theme here- "I am not a doctor yet" somehow means "treat me and talk to me like I'm a doctor- and give me responsibilities far out of my scope of practice at this juncture.

I had spent all day Friday shadowing doctors who allowed me to perform the physical examinations and full on take the patient histories and help with treatment plans.

I am NOT complaining because those experience is incredible and allowing me to step way out of my comfort zone... Unafraid to touch, examine and intuit the patients.  There seem to be few rules in this world over here.

Anyway- I convinced my sweet masseuse to bring her baby to the clinic on Monday where she will sit with probably 50 other patients in a waiting room for 4 hours... But it will be free for her to get medicine for her son's two week spell of diarrhea and she will certainly get a lecture from Dr. Coleman for not bringing him in sooner.

I walked over to the dive shop and off I went on the boat to go do two hour long dives in the beautiful stunning reef that surrounds like island.

My second dive was cut short by the fact that I was freezing -this always happens - but despite my 5mm wetsuit and neoprene hood, I started shaking 45 minutes in and had to come up. Grrrrrr.

I came home and had an entire Afternoon/evening to myself to practice yoga, Skype with my parents, sister and boyfriend... And listen to a good but very creepy podcast about murder which is unnerving being that this is the murder Capitol of the world!

Dr Rosanna had parted to go back to Mexico and Bethany was out in West Bay with Siay and Megan- two of the other volunteers.

I was very happy to have an evening to myself, my yoga mat and the sound of my breath- which seemed to be the soundtrack of the day.

Diving to me is the ultimate meditation- just floating and listening to your slow steady breath.

This morning we all woke up since it's Sunday and Mr. Dee and Miss Peggy go to church and invite anyone who wishes to come, to join.

I had been excited to experience a Honduran church in Spanish until I found out that actually this is a conference room at the Infinity Bay resort with a bunch of American ex-pats.

Sounds like what I would get at home and today was a sunny day- a beautiful crystal blue, bright yellow sun kinda sunny day.. So I opted to veer towards to pool instead of the conference hall church.. And here I am... Lathered in maui babe tanning cream and soaking in the tropical sun next to a pool with a waterfall and lounge chairs... Worlds away from what I've experienced so far here in Honduras but I'll admit- a nice change of pace and a wonderful experience to have considering I've had no sun time yet.

This week i will only work Monday and Tuesday and then the clinic is closed from Christmas Eve through the following week... So I will have 12 days with nothing to do...

I was thinking of getting my advanced diver certification, but because there is such an influx of people coming the week after Christmas (I guess it's like a blackout week)... I don't think I'll be able to get on a course! :(

So maybe I will find myself here- at a resort, drinking an epic Bloody Mary, and soaking in the sun between snorkeling adventures out front. What a charmed life I lead that I am disappointed I can't slave away in a clinic treating sick babies and instead have to experience this...

Praising my God... This gorgeous Sun.

3 days in Roatan

I made it in one piece to this funny little island in the Caribbean I'll call home for the next month. A man named Mr. Dee picked me up at the airport in his red pick up truck which is known all around the island as he stops for everyone, letting them jump in the bed of the truck for rides around town.  Town, I suppose, is Coxen Hole- where the local public hospital (which is like a dungeon and looks a little scary) is located, along with a bunch of local stuff and a big grocery store called Eldon's. We went straight to the store from the airport which was tough not knowing what would be waiting for me at the beach house, but I figured I'd just be safe and get everything I might need.

To my great surprise upon walking into the grocery store- I could have been in America. Almond milk, JIF peanut butter, gluten free crackers, organic everything options... I mean, there's pretty much nothing I can't get here which is crazy to me.

I thought I was coming to the developing world. 

I dyed my hair brown expecting to have too much unwanted attention from locals.

This was way off.

I'm in a full on Western world.

Not what I was expecting.

We arrived at the beach house and none of my three roommates were home, which gave me an opportunity to decompress, light a candle, do some yoga, and cook myself some veggies. 

Around 8pm, like a tornado, came a blur of drunkenness- a mad Canadian pharmacist who's last night it was and she was taking it to the next level. She could barely stand up straight and the other girls, my roommates Rosanna - a beautiful young Irish doctor, and Bethany, a pharmacy student from Ohio were playing the role of the bumpers in a bowling alley, trying to keep her somewhat contained (a basically impossible job.) Another friend, a nutritionist from London named Shey was there too and we all hung out after the hammered Canadian passed out, until I couldn't keep my eyes open and I went to sleep on my pillow that i had sprayed with Carlos's cologne like such a dork but am so glad I did.

I used to spray my dad's cologne when he was gone on long trips singing abroad. Smell is such a powerful sense.

I woke up with the beautiful sunrise and the familiar smell of island trash fire. I know that sounds like not a nice smell of you don't know it, but I do. It pulls me back to Indo and makes me ache for my friends and family out there who feel so far away after 2 years apart.

I had an absolutely incredible day at the clinic.

I oriented in the morning and then went home until my afternoon shift.

mr. Dee gave me a little tour of the island in his red truck so I could get my bearings...

And suddenly it was 1 so My roommate and I walked to the clinic which is just up a dirt road in Sandy Bay.

Dr Jaylene- a beautiful Honduran M.D. pulled me out of my scheduled triage rotation and in with her to meet with patients in Spanish all day. It was incredible for me. I was understanding about 70% of everything happening but Dr Jaylene was interpreting for me anyway. She spoke slow and deliberately not just for my benefit but to hammer home what she was saying to the patients.  

"Por qué no viniste antes?! Usted está enfermo! No hay dinero? Esta clínica es gratis para usted si no puede pagar!  GRATIS!  Eso no es excusa. Se debe tener cuidado de su salud! Es por eso que estamos aquí !!"

She gently but firmly laid down the lay with the patients telling patients with high blood pressure why they could die if they didn't take their meds... Telling mothers with children who's mouths were abcessed and rotten that it was the mother's fault she didn't brush her kids teeth and the repercussions of that. We had patient after patient with different ailments and problems and life stories... 

We were on the far end of a room separated from Dr. Rosanna and her patients by a curtain. The pharmacy is a little room/closet where everyone shuffles sideways to sort medication all of which goes to the patients for free.

Suddenly it was 6 and the clinic was closed but I didn't want it to end.

Walking home I was buzzing and Rosanna (who said she was not used to working with such enthusiasm) asked me if I'd ever worked with a G.P. Before and I realized that I hadn't. This was brand new to me... And I loved it.

More than any other specialty or medical situation I'd been in, general practice has been my favorite already. I loved the clinical setting too.

Everything is so difficult in the basic, humble clinic though compared to the billion dollar hospital where my internship in San Diego is.

It's a phenomenal operation and incredible service to the community. I can't imagine what it was like 14 years ago before Miss Peggy opened the clinic.

Some of the other volunteers were at the house when we got home and were going out on the town in West End but I stayed behind and studied Spanish with Dr. Rosanna. We are about at the same level of Spanish and she's brilliant and wonderful and definitely my favorite person I've met.

We fell asleep late.

I woke up to an empty house as Bethany was working the early shift and Rosanna was tutoring English to kids at a local school. (I start on Thursday).

I practiced yoga on my beloved wooden floor overlooking paradise, when some of the volunteers- shay and two pharmacy guys came and got me to go to West Bay to snorkel.

So beautiful!

We took a taxi up and over the winding hills to West End and then a water taxi in to the bay where the fancy resorts are and the most beautiful reef I'd ever seen.

I have no photos but this is Shay on the water taxi leaving West Bay's crystal waters.

On the way back through West End I was told I could scuba dive for a major discount due to my volunteership which made me giddy!!! I can't wait to dive!!! And I am considering doing an advanced course while the clinic is closed over Christmas and New Years.

I made it back to Sandy Bay just in time to shower and head to work at the clinic. I spent the entire day triaging (which was what I was supposed to do the first day but there were plenty of people there to help so I ended up shadowing Dr. Jaylene.)

Triage is taking vital signs, patient history, and making sure that nobody needs to jump the line. A few patients did of course- super high BP or blood sugar, one baby with a high fever and a girl with very very love BP that we had to hang an IV bag for immediately. It was much more high energy than my previous day but so fun for me to practice my Spanish. Probably 80% of the patients didn't speak a word of English so I was left to translate and communicate on my own. In just a few days my Spanish has improved exponentially.

Rosanna and I came home from work to a big potluck dinner that Miss Peggy planned for all the volunteers at our house. We didn't have time to cook so we went down the street to get some rice cooked for us by Miss Elizabeth who has a little restaurant thing- in Indo we'd call it a warung.

Everyone left but Dr. Victoria, a Russian internist who is very interesting and actually lives and works here full time as staff, and Erin a nurse who lives here for a year and hasn't been working at the clinic this week because her family is visiting.

We stayed up late talking again until it was Rosanna and I in our same spots as the previous night talking about medicine and travel and all the synchronicities and coincidences that had brought our paths to cross so many times before. 

We went to bed at 1am still talking and I woke up to the sound of steady rain on corrugated tin roofs and birds squealing in joy as the water streamed down through the trees.

I love the rainy season in the tropics... I always want to capture the sheets of rain and the way it hangs off of Palm fronds but I'm yet to photograph it.

Today is another day at the clinic probably triaging... But who knows?

It is a beautiful rainy day and I'm just so grateful to be here.

The end of the escape era

I found myself crying and riddled with anxiety this past week, while finishing finals and prepping for my trip to Honduras.

(I'm en route now).

"What are you scared of?" I asked myself, echoed by the voices of my family and friends...

You're a very very seasoned traveller, you've been to far more dangerous and daunting places in the world with much less planning and/or forethought.

What was making this trip shake me to my core?

I said goodbye to my parents and got into Carlos's car heading south towards his house and the airport. When we hit Del Mar I suddenly remembered that I had left behind my rose quartz travel amulet and needed to turn around and go back for it.

My head was throbbing and I was nauseous... I was being a weirdo and my sweet Carlos was smiling and patting my head through the storm.

He pulled off the freeway and headed north as I continued to fight back tears and the sick feeling of anxiety creeping over me.

I walked in the house and my mom in her infinite wisdom and brilliance told me that I was surrounded in golden light and I was safe. She also told me that she thought i wasn't afraid of Honduras but it was actually some fear of leaving my new boyfriend who I've fallen in love with.

But I feel secure in our relationship and I'm not afraid of being apart from him. I really do know that we'll be fine. We're crazy about each other and I have unlimited texting while abroad.

So what is it?

I almost got in an uber and went to meet Jessica Bilson at a friend's party in LA but decided to be a grown up and sat down at the Wolfgang Puck bar for a glass of red wine and a salad.

Cary called me from New York in that moment and just laid it out for me as only a friend of 20 years can do... See directly into your soul and say what you know but just haven't clicked together the puzzle piece in your own mind yet.

Zani.... You're a traveller. You always have been and always will be. But your impetus for traveling is shifting. In the past few years, you travelled to escape. I think you're finding yourself in a life that you don't want to escape from and so maybe for the first time in a long time, you don't want to leave your current reality.  Maybe travel is becoming something you want to share with the person you love instead.

It's true.

I don't want to escape.

For the first time in a long time, I am not looking to escape. I am happy. I am content and fulfilled and I'm good. I don't need to escape my world because my world is filling me with love and happiness right now.

This trip was never meant to really be an escape (although it could certainly serve as that)... It is to further my education and future career. It's a learning opportunity- not a getaway... Because I don't need to get away from anything! :)

I got on my flight to Houston feeling like I had clarity and promptly fainted during takeoff.

Sweet.

The paramedics think that (just like on my flight to Cabo last October for my cousins wedding) it was a mix of alcohol in my system, low blood pressure and high altitude during an ascent. With some air flow and a cold towel on my neck I was fine... But still. Wtf?

Here I am feeling like all my stress and anxiety had melted away because I'd identified the root of it, only to be shoved into THE MOST anxiety producing place I can think of. Trapped in a window seat, in the dark, my two aisle-side neighbors spread out and fast asleep... Me sweating profusely, holding a puke bag and then suddenly feeling my brain silently screaming nooooooo as I pull myself back into consciousness and out of the black tunnel I'd unknowingly slipped into.

Fainting is pretty much the weirdest worst feeling. Like your brain just checks out...

An escape from consciousness.

Thanks to the beautiful woman who helped me off the flight and got me a ride to the next terminal.

I think I'm okay now. Still have 3 hrs here at Houston to drink and smoothie and focus on not escaping but rather being present.

Ommmmmmmmmmmm

Roatan - I will see you this afternoon.

How amazing to know that I have finished escaping. 

I am ready to just be.

Reminiscing in Reykjavik

I am constructed and colored in by the adventures I've taken.

In a darkened by blackout curtains, chilly hotel room in Reykjavik, I pick up my cup of tea with two fingers on my right hand. A flash memory briefly crosses my mind and I chuckle silently remembering pouring a whole cup of boiling hot tea into my lap at the zen spa in Mullimbimbi, Australia after hours relaxing in the saunas and steam baths.  The kangaroos and koalas probably bolted from nearby fields when they heard my howl of pain. Now it's just a light scar and a funny story.

 
The memory fades away as I touch my teacup to my lips, which curl into a smile again as I smell the tea which triggers a scent memory of the tea I sipped between meditations high in the Buddhist monk riddled mountains of Dharamshala India where I took ten days of silence and learned Tibetan Buddhism from the ground up.

   

As the hot tea slides down my throat my eyes lightly close and my mind travels back, slowly, trepidatiously, to Cheltenham, England. I am sitting at my mother-in-law's kitchen table mindlessly gazing out into the quintessential English countryside garden through a wet, raindrop blurred pane of glass.  My husband plays guitar in the little room off the kitchen and the familiar chord progressions seem to lift me and carry me through the moment.

It's best I don't dwell in this memory too long or that sick, wringing of my heart feeling will consume my chest and I won't escape it for a while- and I want to be here- in Iceland right now.

I flutter my eyes open and my gaze calls upon the tattoo scribed on the inside of my left ankle, as my feet are up on the hotel room desk and crossed so the tattooed ankle faces the ceiling.  I smile from the corner of my mouth as I immediately fall back into a late fall afternoon in Venice Beach, the light was golden as Nate, the tattoo artist and I sat on the front stoop of my house.  A house I shared with a group of friends who at the time I believed were my soul mates and best friends and would be an intricate part of my life for eternity. A house I found while riding bikes with Mikey and Erin, searching for a new place to live. I had just returned from my first trip to Southeast Asia - where I visited Togat Nusa, the island retreat that, unbeknownst to me, would become my home later that year, only to find out that I was being kicked out of the home my husband and I had called ours for the 3 years between moving back from England and our split and subsequent divorce.

I have to get out of this place, this mind place that I feel myself teetering over... This abyss of hurt, of memories bold, vivid and raw that open up a sore every time I go there.

I make a choice.

I sip my tea and again and this time take strength from it. I taste my mother and her optimism rushes through me. My mom loves tea time, and she loves being happy. She loves sunlight and painting in the garden. She advocates for looking on the bright side and rising above it.

Illigitemus Non Carborundum.

Her father had a framed placard of that quote on his wall when she was a little girl.

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

 I reel my mind back in, like gathering the slack of a fishing line that has been pulled all the way out to sea and then the fish got away.

I rewind.  Pull myself together and look at where I am. 

Reykjavik, Iceland.

A family I love and have become a part of- although I am technically working- I am working my way through school and en route to be a doctor- and still somehow in Iceland- a place I've always dreamed of going in a wild, interested but unsure, fascinated kind of way.

Today we'll explore more of this wild skied country of fire and ice.

And like clockwork the 9 yr old wakes up and says my name.

My birth certificate was a winning lottery ticket.

TawnZaniA

Yes... TawnZaniA.... Tawney and Zani in Tanzania...
It happened.

How we ended up in Nungwi, Zanzibar off the coast of Tanzania is the craziest part about this whole trip.  It was total synchronicity and complete surrender - allowing myself to be guided to this place.

On the beach in the Maldives I had thought that I wanted to go to Mozambique because Shayne and I had always talked about going there and I knew it was beautiful and would be a good place to scuba dive I thought...

Upon returning to San Diego I was put in touch with the travel agent who would be making my arrangements for the Africa trip. Tawney would be in Kenya for 5 weeks prior to my arrival and so she could conceivably meet me anywhere.   The travel agent told me that all i needed to provide was an airport - wherever I wanted to go. So, of course, I pulled out my parents' old globe and spun it around dragging my finger across the embossed topography just like I have done since I was a kid...

I know that I love to be near the equator - I mean I lived at Latitude zero for a period of time in the Telos Islands in Indonesia - and the Maldives had been pretty darn close.

I saw that Tanzania was actually closer to the equator than Mozambique so on a whim, I just looked for airports in Tanzania and found two - one near Kilimanjaro and one near the beach called Dar Es Salaam... So I got my ticket to Dar.

I was told that it was crucial that I booked my first night's accommodation because my flight got in at 4am and it was not safe to be alone at night in Dar - especially as a woman - especially as a white, blonde woman.

I have traveled far and wide alone and have never particularly felt afraid or threatened as a woman - no more than I have in downtown LA or New York City or London anyway.

I wasn't scared, but I started to look online to see if there as a cheap place for me to stay in Dar... I let my search be 50 miles I think - just because I thought I wouldn't want to miss out on somewhere that was a little further out of town if it was amazing.

Hotel after hotel looked sad and dilapidated, crumbling and typical developing world accommodation in a big city.  Suddenly I cam across a picture that looked tropical - i clicked in and found that it was in Zanzibar - an island that was just right off the coast of Tanzania.

I really had no idea where Zanzibar was when I booked my flight to Tanzania... I don't know where I thought it was but not there.

I began to search photos of Zanzibar and found that it was stunning - tropical, white sands - all the things that make my heart go boom.  

A shock went through my body as the idea came to me and a typed in "Scuba diving, Zanzibar"... only to find that Zanzibar was a scuba diving haven.

I searched around and came across a scuba and yoga center called "Divine Diving"

...and thus... Tawney and I set our coordinates for Nungwi, Zanzibar - the northern tip of the island where we could dive and practice yoga and drink while waist deep in crystal blue water and laugh and be in AFRICA!

I emailed the center and told them I was coming and asked if they knew of any very cheap accommodation that we could stay at - backpackers vibe.  I was recommended a place that was only $20 US a night for both of us.

PERFECT!

In the weeks leading up to the trip, Tawney expressed concern about the place that I was taking us to stay - there was nothing on trip advisor and it seemed sketchy to her... Me being me was laissez-faire about it and said - Ah - if it's bad we will swap rooms or move somewhere else.

We arrived in the dark to the creepiest, rape-iest place in the world and basically cried ourselves to sleep... We were mostly crying from laughing so hard, but it was actually pretty bad.

In this video Tawney made for my birthday, it begins with our first night in Zanzibar so you can get a sense of what it was like for us.

But as you can see - if you watch the whole video - we are full on professionals at dealing with things when they are weird and rapey or uncomfortable.

We promptly moved to a beautiful resort-like hotel that was only $55 a night - but infinitely better with flower petals on the clean white sheets that were changed for us daily...

We were in heaven.

Unfortunately, on our second night I once again made the WORST call ever and convinced Tawney that she should eat at the dive bar we were playing pool at, because I loved the people there and didn't want it to stop... and Tawney promptly got violently ill and was basically sick the entire time we were there.
At least we had a clean bed and toilet?...

I stayed with her for the first day of her sickness - letting the dive center know that I wouldn't be coming that day - and instead stayed home to take care of Tawney and to study Spanish since I had a Spanish midterm the day I got back from this trip.  But of course, I forgot my spanish book at home - and had brought hte wrong binder.

After a day of doing nothing (which was actually pretty nice)... I decided to go dive because it was all I could think about. I got to the dive center in the morning and was told that I had to buddy up with a beautiful Spaniard. Tough luck for me! We spent the entire boat ride practicing Spanish - since my Spanish was about as good as his English we were a perfect team.  He was a dive master in training - so he was my guide and we had the most incredible dives - laughing underwater until we were nearly drowning and playing charades 80 feet below the surface.  It was magical.

The Dive Masters in Training became my vacation best friends and we played all week long... staying up until 5am lying on the beach listening to Spanish jazz after we closed down the local bar which had poisoned Tawney, but served up a mean Stoney and rum - (Stoney is the delicious ginger ale that comes in a beer bottle and mixed with rum is outrageous - i drank about 20 a night)...  Gilad, who we loving dubbed Gelato had a guitar and we went to serenade Tawney in her sick bed one night...

Every evening was an adventure with my new friends...

I went diving again on my last day and was once again buddied up with Jose Luis - who I now loved so much.  He and I both had an instant connection to one another - which had only happened to me once before when I met Mikey Mowgli at burning man in 2009.

I don't know what these connections mean... but Carl Jung says in the intro of his book Memories, Dreams, Reflections,

"Other people are established inalienably in my memories only if their names were entered in the scrolls of my destiny from the beginning, so that encountering them was at the same time a kind of recollection."

This is how I feel.
I don't know why or how I have known this Spanish dive master before, but I knew him... I have known him.

The week was purely magical - I saw two shooting stars - estrellas fugaces - and did four dives in the crystal clear reefs off of Zanzibar... I experienced Africa for the first time and will never forget the experience - because from the moment go, it seems, I was never NOT going to be there.
It was always written upon the scrolls of my destiny that I was going to Nungwi, Zanzibar to that particular dive center to meet these particular people and dive those particular dives.

How beautiful synchronicity is.

I believe I will go back to Africa once I am a doctor and do aid work there.  If it's written....

A video from tawney.....

http://web.stagram.com/p/740914640229684842_3174532

Dubai, India & Maldives

Whoops. I really blew it on documenting these past 6 months...

I'll throw it into reverse and go back in time to December 16, 2014.
My semester ended with yet another 4.0 and a deep sigh of relief.
With one day between my last final and the beginning of my next adventure, I did what anyone would expect of me... Go home, pack, get a good night's sleep? Hell no.
I went to see my ex-roommates/best friends/family play a gig in San Diego - it would ultimately be the last time I saw Mikey on stage with the Mowgli's which is weird but also perfect and beautiful.
Before the show, Mikey and I sat on his tailgate of his new car, ate granola bars and laughed.
My world which was once full of that excitement and wild super soaker blasts of color and vibrancy on the daily - is now a fun little dip I take from time to time and it feels so good to be surrounded by the love and blissfulness of my people.
I wore their love all the way to the airport the next morning where I would be flying to Dubai with the Rhodes family (who I nanny for).  They taking me along on their winter adventure.

At LAX, Kalpana and I sat and talked about the northern lights and how it was on our bucket list beyond anything.  She was saying how at this moment in time the northern lights were the most amazing they had been in a long time... We sighed and dreamed of abandoning ship and jumping on a plane to Iceland.

We boarded our Emirates flight and I promptly (as always) fell asleep.
I woke up a few hours later to Kalpana furiously waking me up and pulling me out of my seat and to the big window in the galley to see none other than the northern lights... Aurora Borealis - right outside our windows... we flew directly through it for about and hour and I just wept. I cried and cried.
So beautiful I didn't know what to do with myself.
I took this pitiful photo out the window and then wrote the following - posting it to instagram the moment I had internet:

"This is what I witnessed last night from my airplane window- Aurora Borealis as we flew over the North Pole... I sat weeping with my face smashed against the window for an hour... Staring in awe and wonder... And finally wrote what I could because I knew a photo could never capture what I was experiencing and I wanted to be able to taste it again.

Watching this symphony of lights cascading from pinks to yellows across the green shards of glass suspended in the sky...
Rippling like a windchime blowing in the wind - made of multicolored iridescent icicles

I just watched a falling, shooting star burn out right beside the lights- as though the beauty of it took the star's last breath away. How long was that star falling? How many light years away are these things I'm seeing tonight? For all I know that star's last breath could have been taken a million years ago and we can only see it now.
Time...
(Turns out there was a Leonid meteor shower happening too)

The bright green, snaking, undulating line of light, peeling across the sky like a wave... I can't stop crying.

What IS this?
What ARE we?
Could this all really be a coincidental collision of atoms?
No artist behind this masterpiece?
This could all really just be a magnificent organic accident?"

The memory of the aurora borealis experience did not face quickly, even with the wild surreal experience that is Dubai.
We were greeted at the airport by a fleet of Rolls Royces that drove us from the airport to the only seven star hotel in the world... The Burj Al Arab.  The masterpiece of Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum is the shape of a boat's sail and sits precariously perched in the persain gulf's crystal blue waters. Ornate doesn't even begin to explain the gold encrusted, ostentatious explosion of wealth that is the Burj Al Arab.

 Our floor (where we occupied four of the twenty rooms) had it's own butler, sometimes two, who sat at a desk in the center of the curve ready at your beck and call for anything.
When we exited the elevator, our butler immediately shuffled to open our door for us and bring us inside the outrageous rooms.

My room which I shared with Kiran, the 14 year old was a two level palace with sweeping views from both floors of the craziness that is Dubai.

I keep referring to this craziness and I will try to paint a picture but it's difficult to do.

I feel like the Burj Al Arab is a good place to start. 

In this middle eastern fundamentally Muslim country, one would expect a sort of quiet reverence, all women covered head to toe, and a sort of asceticism that I have found in other Muslim countries.

But the front of the Burj Al Arab is just chock full of Lamborghinis, Maseratis, Ferraris, Aston Martins, you name it - and that car on the wall of the 12 year olds back home are parked here - with half naked busty, blondes in high heels and short skirts climbing out on the arm of these men.

 

Dubai just felt like an oxymoron the entire time somehow. I am certainly not complaining, because I was able to experience this bizarre world of infinite wealth and prosperity that only a handful of people in the world really get to see and live (even if we are faking it).

We went to dinner on the water and everything just felt like it was a movie set and if I could just creep behind the curtain I would see an empty desert with a few Muslim men pulling the strings.

The next day we went on a tour around the city and got to see real Emirati life.  I felt like I could see a bit more of what the United Arab Emirates was about, but it also felt like the Sheik had gone to painstaking measures to have the city appear the way it did... which was stunningly beautiful and immaculate.

We spent four days total in Dubai exploring the city, including a trip to the Mall of the Emirates - the biggest in the world, where we went indoor skiing at the biggest indoor skiing center in the world. The walls were painted to look like trees and the ceiling to look like clouds and sky, there were two chair lifts and lots of ice and snow.  It was very surreal for us especially since that very day we had ridden camels through the desert and "sand-boarded" down the giant sand dunes. The whole experience was somewhat mind-boggling but overall a really incredible experience that I still haven't really wrapped my head around all these months later.

We had a really wonderful group of people - the family of 6 that I work with, the father's brother George and his fiancee Keri, and his cousin Annie and her boyfriend Alex.

We all set out for India on the same Emirates plane. We took up the entire business class of the fairly small airplane and made it without a major hitch to Delhi.

I had landed in Delhi almost exactly two years before - but that time I was on an Air Asia flight out of Kuala Lumpur.  John E Ocean was sitting next to me.  We had brown skin, salty hair, and that island vibe permeating off of us.  We had no plans other than the first night that we had booked at a place called Cottage Yes Please that was going to be our resting spot for the night before we decided where we would go next. We were free, gypsies with months to play and nothing to do... no plans at all.

Upon arriving this time we were greeted by a group of tour planners and a tour bus which was chartered specifically for our group, which whisked us off from the airport to Agra to see the Taj Mahal.  We met up with the last member of our group - Shalini, the beautiful, powerful, amazing Indian woman who had spent the last few years as a politico in Washington DC working for the Obama Administration and carried with her the energy of "yes. We can get anything done here." She quickly became my favorite person on the trip.

Shalini and I shared a room at the Oberoi Amarvilla Hotel which literally opened up to the Taj Mahal.  It was breath-taking.

There was quite a lot of fog when we woke up so we couldn't see it right away, but Leela and I went to explore the grounds and then out of fog it appeared and took my breath away.
So stunning.

My previous trip to India, I had never made it down to Rajhasthan and missed the Taj Mahal all together.  Sometimes I feel like famous monuments in cities are kind of a waste of time - they look just like the photos and you are swarmed around a million people trying to get a picture that won't even compare to the billions that you could find on the internet.  This was different.  This was absolutely jaw dropping and amazing.

Next we took a bus back to Delhi and stayed at another gorgeous Oberoi hotel which bizarrely had a Gucci store in the middle of the hotel on a lake.

The air conditions were horrible and it was bizzare to think that I was in Delhi, the same city that two years before I had walked the streets of in Pahar Ganj and gotten a sense of what India was really like - poverty that was palpable... Dismembered and diseased children in the streets, animals everywhere, and hands - constantly hands reaching out for a penny - anything at all that you could share with them.

This was a much different experience, walled off from that world and safe inside a palatial hotel with a Gucci store.

Next, we flew to Rhishikesh - the city where I had spent a month and fallen in love in it and with it.  Rishikesh was my home away from home in India and I immediately felt nostalgia digging deep in my gut.  It was just as I remembered it but missing the giant Shiva sculpture since it had been washed away in the giant Himalayan tsunami that had happened earlier that year.  - I had spent my last days in India there... 

Being back on the Ganges - with the sunset aartis and the saffron colored robes everywhere... It just did something beautiful to my soul.

Saffron is for sacrifice.

We stayed at Paramarth Niketan ashram and spent three days doing the two youngest boys' thread ceremonies- ultimately a Hindu Bar Mitzvah on the banks of the Ganges.  The boys had their heads shaved and surrendered everything in their lives except a quest for knowledge.  These boys are already so intelligent, with such insatiable appetites for learning that it seemed to fall right in line with where they already were.   Swamiji brought us into his garden several times to talk to us about simple but profound things that you wanted to carry out with you and marinate on all night long.  We lived simply at the ashram, as always and it brought me back to how I had lived that last time I was there... Although I never made it back to tip-top to get my favorite pumpkin masala.

The ceremony was beautiful and all the symbolism of Indian culture just vibrates through my soul.  I felt so lucky to be a part of the beautiful coming of age ceremony of these two boys who I love so much.

In the blink of an eye it was time to move on again, and we flew to Udaipur - another Rajasthani city that I had missed on my last journey through the magical country. We had the incredible privilege of staying at the Lake Palace in Udaipur.... Yes IN the Lake Palace.The experience was another mind-blowing experience... We stepped off the little shuttle boat and arrived on the marble floors of the Lake Palace to have rose petals dumped on our heads from above.

We spent several days in Udaipur living a life of luxury and had the most incredible night EVER on a 600 year old wooden boat that cruised  us around the lake while a sitar player serenaded us, and divine dinner was served at a long wooden table... Our boat pulled up to Indo-Persian arches where we were told that the King who lived in the Palace used to come up to and women would dance for him with fire upon their heads... and that's just what they did for us.  I didn't take any photos, but there was this video before the whirling dervishes with the fire balanced on their heads came out - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10153633101285621&set=vb.560885620&type=3&theater

Finally we made our last move in India and went to Mumbai which turns out is one of my favorite cities in India... it felt like a mix of LA, Padang and Sydney... I know that sounds like a weird combo, but being that I have spent an ample amount of time in each of those places, I found that I loved it.

There was lots of poverty (think Slumdog Millionaire) but it is on the ocean and there is a tropical vibe that I love, and a huge movie industry which makes me feel home, and just an energy that I really fell in love with. We were staying at a beautiful hotel, but really got to experience the city in it's entirety - and I honestly felt like I could live there for some period of time.

We left India (sadly) and went to one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in my life... (And remember that I lived in the Mentawais and have seen some pretty spectacular places in my short life)...

Gili Lankanfushi, Maldives.

Shalani and I again shared a room -but our room was an overwater villa that was pure luxury - there was glass bottom floors that we could look down and see the aquarium we were living in and among.

We rode our biked along the docks which were perched in the reef among yellow tipped reef sharks and eagle rays and fish of every color known to man...

The older two boys wanted to get scuba certified so I finally decided to pull the plug and do it... I had been tempted to do it so many times in my life and always felt a fear of being trapped under water without air - but something in this place felt safe - and it was Shalini, the two boys Kiran and Ashwin and I....

The whole experience was life changing - I felt so scared and overcame it and eventually learned how to be one with the infinite shades of blue - the underwater world that I feel so connected to as a mermaid... I knew that I had just embarked on something that would be in my life for a long time to come.

Pretty much the entire week was dedicated to scuba diving and it was absolutely incredible... We rang in the new year all wearing white and eating divine food on the sand of the hotel with all the honeymooners - because this was the honeymoon spot that dreams are made of.

On the first, I was laying by the pool with Kalpana and received a text from Tawney saying that she was definitely going to Africa in a few weeks and that I should come and meet her there on my spring break in March... I sighed knowing that I would be too broke to afford a flight out there but began dreaming of scuba diving in Mozambique with Tawney to celebrate my 30th birthday.

Kalpana and Jamie looked at eachother and said that they would use their miles to fly me to Africa as my 30th birthday present....

AGH!!! I was floored...

First of all - planning my next trip while on a trip is my favorite thing ever - and also OMG AFRICA!!! with TAWNEY!!!  I could barely contain myself with excitement as we prepared to make our way back to San Diego.

I returned back to home after three short weeks and what felt like a million flights... and was already planning my next adventure to Africa.

It was truly the trip of a lifetime.

I am so grateful I was taken along with the family.